Chasing Hope [HIATUS]

CHAPTER 08

One thing about me is that I have something I want to change. I get really jealous when I know someone new is close to someone who is very close to my life. Kinakabahan lang ako kapag naiisip na may chance na p'wedeng malayo sila sa akin, I may not be with them all the time. I don't know, I'm just really afraid of losing. But I can't stop them, hindi ko naman sila p'wede ipagdamot. Kailangan din naman nilang kumilala ng mga bago.

I'm just really scared, you know. I am also afraid to see them crushed to pieces because of the pain that love has caused. But this is life, I have nothing against life, it's already decided. Right now, I don't know when I'll talk to Maeve. What if we can't talk much anymore because she has a boyfriend? I've been used to her being there since we were kids. Pero wala, e. May magagawa pa ba 'ko? Babayaran ko ba ng isang milyon 'yung Euan na 'yon para maghiwalay sila? Char.

Kailangan ko muna siguro mag-isip kung ano 'yung mga sasabihin ko. Alam ko namang magiging straightforward lang ako kaya gusto ko muna kausapin ang sarili ko. I also ignore Maeve's calls and texts from last night until now. Nagtatampo talaga ako, kailan pa kaya naging sila? Bakit kagabi niya lang sa 'min 'pinakilala? Kung bago pa lang sila, edi sana ipinagsabay ko na siya at si Jerome na tanggapin, 'di ba? Magsasayang pa 'ko nang oras. Ugh, my time is so precious! Bakit ko nga ba sinasayang 'yon sa boyfriend nila?

Bumaba ako at walang katao-tao sa sala. Nasa kwarto pa siguro si Nathalie at Adrian, mamaya pa uuwi si Kuya Ashton. Malapit na maglunch so pumunta na ako sa kitchen para kumuha ng food, hindi ko naman alam kung ano ang mga susunod na mangyayari, I'll just lock myself in the room all day and come out at night when it's time for our dinner. Busy ako mag-aral ngayon, I'm studying something about Microbiology, which is why I'm so stressed right now.

Pagkatapos kong kumain, napatingin ako kay Manang. "'Nang, does your daughter have a boyfriend?" I asked her as I stirred the iced coffee I brewed.

"Bakit mo naman natanong iyan? Mayroon na siyang nobyo." Napatango lang ako roon at nilapag na ang spoon sa may sink para umakyat na. Wala naman na akong gagawin dito, kakain na rin ng lunch 'yung mga kapatid ko, hindi ko na sila sinabayan.

"If Maeve or one of my friends comes, please tell her that I went to the mall, nagpahatid kamo ako sa driver. Tell the others too so they know what to answer when Maeve asks them, please. Thank you po," I gave her a small smile before finally walking out of the kitchen, going upstairs again. I'm tired of Biology, gusto kong mag-ship sa ibang course but it's not in Ateneo, I don't want to leave the university of my dreams... pero mas mahalaga naman 'yung course kaysa sa university. Ugh, so hirap mag-decide.

I want to take Nursing or Medical Technology because that will be more helpful, especially since they do clinics. Wala sila sa Ateneo. I can be Isko, UP Diliman is close to my condo so it won't be a problem if I move there. But I'm loyal talaga sa Ateneo, feeling ko hindi ko kayang iwan. Maeve has been contacting me everywhere but I don't answer, doesn't she want to give me time? I still feel bad, I hope she understands that.

After reviewing and advanced study of the lesson and doing activities, I showered again to get ready for dinner. Just as I expected earlier, Maeve still tried to come over to talk to me. Ilang minuto lang siguro siya naghintay? Halos isang oras yata. Hindi naman siya umakyat sa kwarto ko pero nakikipag-usap lang siya kina Nathalie at Adrian, alam naman nila na hindi kami okay ngayon kaya sure akong gumawa 'yan ng reason para hindi kami makapag-usap. My siblings know me.

I just wore a ribbed knit drop shoulder sweater and knit shorts, nilalamig lang ako nang konti dahil biglaang umulan kaninang hapon tapos nakabukas pa 'yung aircon ko. I went out of the room and I heard a noise from downstairs, Daddy also texted me that they will be home soon so it's good to prepare food. Naabutan kong nagtatawanan si Nathalie at Jerome sa may pool area, so he's already here. Sumandal lang ako sa may pader at pinanood silang magtawanan, they are so happy, it is obvious that they are really in love with each other. It seems that their relationship became freer when Nathalie introduced Jerome to us. I am so happy for them.