Teaspoons and Promises (Deleted Scenes I: Erwin x Levi)

Leaving The World - Part 1

The Scouts move Erwin to one of the houses in Shiganshina still standing after I insisted. I couldn't touch his body. I won't let my last touch to him be on his rotting corpse.

It's a small house, looks like it was inhabited by a family long ago. I wonder where they are now, if they made it out of this shithole. If they were some of the lucky ones.

We enter the house through the crumbling front door and it looks like the family might've been lucky after all. The interior is a little haphazard, but not destroyed. Like someone left in a hurry and didn't have time to plan or pack. There are dishes left at the table with god-knows-what growing on the ceramic dishware at each of the table places, infusing the air with the stench of rotting food. Dust coats every object in sight, muting the colors of the objects underneath. Otherwise, it looks nice enough. Some place you might like to die if you didn't get to choose.

I direct the Scouts to the second level of the house. There is a bedroom to the right, with a bed next to a nightstand and a wide window above. They set his limp body on the dusty duvet. I look away.

"Maybe we Scouts should say our goodbyes." Hange says behind me. A few of them nod.

"Captain Levi, you want to start?" Floch asks, looking to me. Their heads all swivel in my direction. If I start a speech now in front of them I fear I'll burst into tears.

"If it's alright I'd like to say mine privately. You all go first. I'll close out and we can leave him to rest."

Hange steps around me and gives me a sympathetic look. "I'll say a few words and anyone else can chime in." they say, turning to Erwin's body. "Commander Erwin Smith. He was a fearless leader, a..." Hange goes on but I silently see myself out and take the stairs, remembering one of the items I saw on our way in.

I step into the lower level, trying to ignore the smell. The object I'm looking for is on a long shelf in the dining room, filled with other objects one might want to display to a room full of dinner guests. I almost don't want to touch it, for fear that it might crumble if I do. But I grasp the cup delicately, turning it over to study the design. It's so dirty you almost can't see the swirls of tiny blue and yellow flowers on it, but it'll do.

The back of the house is in about the same shape as the front. I inspect the rest while they finish upstairs, looking for anything salvageable that might be of use to us. We've got a long journey home.

I'm not sure what kind of reception we'll get with this small group of survivors. I grimace thinking about our return. About the excited families that will receive the harrowing news that their kid didn't survive. I try to shake those thoughts away, moving around the room.

"We're all done up there." Hange says softly from the doorway of the kitchen as I inspect a jar of something that I've decided will taste like shit even if it is still technically edible.

I nod to them without looking up. "I won't be too long if you can wait outside." The food items in the cupboard are mostly rice and canned vegetables. "No tea in here. Damn it." I mutter.

Hange stands still at the doorway, watching me.

"What?" I ask, looking up to them.

"Um, nothing." Hange shakes their head, turning away. "I'll be outside."

I listen for the click of the front door and I look to the ceiling, my eyes fluttering closed. No more delaying it now. I take the cup I swiped from the dining room and try to breathe.

The stairs seem longer than before as I take them back up to the bedroom. I hesitate at the door, swallowing.

I shake my head, reminding myself that this was my decision and I knew this was coming. I have to be brave, for him.