𝐠𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 / zhongli x f!reader

[𝟓]. frankly

Regret swallowed Zhongli whole, and as the ex-archon succumbed to the waves of inferiority, he could only wonder: if he were Venti, would anything be different?

Venti, that disgraceful drunkard. Venti, that disgraceful drunkard that had known you and traveled with you for longer than Zhongli ever did. Drunkard he may be, it still did not change the fact that he—out of all three—was the best option for you.

You had to have known that too, right? You know, of course you do, Zhongli thought. As he watched you silently, the tree at Windrise feeling a little emptier, a little windless, the consultant could only wonder if things would've been different.

What if it were he: The One who traversed Teyvat with you? What if it were he: The One who could control the wind at will and send warm breezes your way whenever he thought of you?

What if he were The One for you?

Ah, here it was again. The greed, the selfishness; the emotions that Zhongli felt for you were all possessive as they stemmed from a pure, yearning love. It's too much, this love. It was too much to even perceive the idea of him being The One for you, when it was so obvious he had done nothing but bring you despair.

If Zhongli were to be honest—which, he usually was... just never when it came to this—he wanted to love you from up close. He wanted to pierce through the invisible barrier between archon and immortal. He wanted to love you without regrets, without inferiorities.

Celestia! All Zhongli wanted was to tell you! Tell you the unsent letters he wrote for you, tell you all the things he wished he had said when you left Liyue that day... Tell you that "even if the others love you, I shall love you all the same."

That was the kind of love Zhongli held for you. It was something constant, something endless. It would last even beyond the ends of Liyue, the ends of Teyvat—for not even death could do it apart.

And death was something the consultant had seen all-too many times. But even so, death could not rip that love away from him. Even after he passed and joined his many comrades, the leftover essence of his soul and mind would be dedicated to wholly adoring, wholly being enamored with you.

That was the kind of love that Zhongli felt for you.

☆

That night, you hadn't shed a single tear. Zhongli was concerned, to say the least. He knew that Venti falling into a slumber was something none of you would ever wish to happen—but the fact that you didn't say a single word since then was also something worth looking into.

And, Zhongli being Zhongli, did not quite know what to do. Comfort was not exactly his forte, and it especially wasn't when it came to you.

How could he react—when who he was so sure to be Yours ended up falling asleep? What could he do in the face of his greatest fear: you being with another? Zhongli loved you; he loved you enough to let you go, he loved you enough to go without you for a thousand years and merely reminisce on the memories.

But Zhongli was greedy. He was greedy for more. He wanted more memories, more years with you. More, more, more, until it became unbearable... 'till it revealed his uglier side. His side of possessiveness, the side of Morax that had been battle-hardened to the point of fighting for everything he wished to be his.

Zhongli wanted you to be his. Not his to keep, nor his to contain; just, just his. Someone who knew you, someone who you knew. Someone who, who loved you, and maybe—if he were lucky—someone you loved back.