Echos

Chapter 1

TW: Suicide

Chapter 1

Porco was already awake when his alarm clock went off. He had been for the past hour. He didn't sleep very well most nights, so he was use to spending the early mornings watching the numbers tick away on his phone.

He didn't want to go to school today, like most days this semester, but the grief counselor and his parents had agreed Porco needed to be back in school, around his friends.

At least it was Friday.

After a long shower, he threw on plain blue t-shirt and khaki shorts, and headed downstairs, passing by a door that hasn't been opened in 3 months.

"Porco, remember we have to go to the lacrosse game tonight", Porco's mom handed him his lunch.

"Right, the jersey retirement", Porco muttered.

Normally Porco would have another bag with him, would be wearing his own jersey, but he had quit the team, he just didn't want to do it anymore.

His lacrosse stick was gathering dust in the corner of his room.

"Porco....are you sleeping ok?", his mom asked with some concern.

"Yeah...just fine", he mumbled back.

"Well don't forget you have an appointment with Josh on Monday", she called out as Porco left the house.

It felt weird, driving "his" car. Like somehow he was still violating his brother's privacy. But it hasn't made much sense to just buy Porco his own car, the plan was for for the 2 to share until
Marcel went off to college that fall.

But plans change.

****3 months ago****

Josh said in their first appointment that a lot of times suicides come without any warning.

Marcel hadn't left any clues, or hints behind. Or any note, he didn't give away possessions, or talk about death. He seemed like the all American kid, star athlete, stellar student, a good son, he was popular, what could be missing in such a picture perfect life.

Marcel had stayed out of school that day. Said he wasn't feeling well. Porco had just gotten his restricted license and was super psyched to drive on his own to school, hoping to impress Pieck.

The day was normal, he didn't have any bad feelings or felt like something was off. Josh said that was normal too.

He had only come home early because lacrosse practice had been rained out. He was surprised to find Marcel's car home as he was supposed to be at a tutoring session. It was when he went inside  and heard his dog barking like mad that the surge of dread hit him.

He raced upstairs, finding his lab Massie barking and scratching at the door. Marcel would never lock Massie out of his room. He banged in the door, and started screaming his name. Then he started ramming himself into the door as hard as he could, and finally it gave.

The rest of the day was a blur. Calling 9-1-1, Porco struggling to get Marcel out of the belt loop, still hearing a faint heart beat, loud sirens, rain, cold, the smell of antiseptic, lots of machines that were just too loud, and two words, "Brain dead".

Porco knew that meant Marcel, the Marcel he new was gone.

He couldn't quite remember what he said at the service, but he remembered a lot of people being there, friends from the football team carrying his casket. The only thing he could remember was the black dress Pieck had worn, and looking at her the entire time he spoke, as to not completely lose it.

He hated all the sad eyes that looked at him, in town, at school, he knew they all meant well, but it just made him feel like a zoo animal.

He had quite the lacrosse team shortly after, Coach Zeke promising him spot if he chose to comeback.

So many people were in and out of their house, and there was so much food. Bertholdt's mom had made meals for 2 months to put in the freezer. Reiner's mom had been by to clean the house on a weekly basis. It was a lot for Porco to handle.

Most of the time he just hid in his room.

After the funeral, it became an unspoken rule in the Galliard household that Marcels door was to remain closed.

But late at night when he couldn't sleep. He would sneak in there with Massie close behind and just sit on the floor staring into the empty space.

When he would start to cry he would, bury his face in Massie's due to not wake his parents.

"Why did you leave me Marcel?"