With Pain Comes Love 3

Both 44

***"...then you went to break my heart, didn't you? Where did we go wrong? Is it all my fault? Where did we go wrong? Is it all my fault?.. But I love you, and I love you so Where did we go wrong? Is it all my fault?..."***

-Yaya
I won't bore you with my father's funeral. It went well and drama free. Yes, it wasn't easy but here I am a month later and I'm healing. I think I warmed up to the idea of losing him the minute I found out he had cancer and he was in and out. I found peace in knowing that he wasn't suffering anymore. His wife wasn't taking it well but she was ok I guess and so were the kids... or at least I think they were. I stayed in Durban for a while before coming back to Joburg of which I've been here for a month now. The being sick comes and goes every now and then but either than that I'm good and I'm gaining a little bit of weight now so that's good I guess. Melo and I have never been better, he's the best husband anyone could ever ask for. He reminds me of the time I was pregnant with Yasy, how loving and there he always is for me. it's amazing. I had just finished eating lunch with the girls (Ledi and Anita) because Asemahle had left for the states already and she says she's doing great there. She was going to be directing or acting in some movie or one of the two... I'm really unsure about her story but all I know is that she is doing something she loves.
Ledi: When last did you go on your period?
Me: why would you ask me that?
Ledi: should I tell her or will you?
She said talking to Nita and I just stared at them blankly
Nita: because you've been eating weird stuff and you've gained some weight and... you've been sick
Me: only because of the things that have been happening in my life lately
Ledi: we brought you a test
Me: a test for what?
Nita put a pregnancy test in front of me and I just laughed. Stress can make you sick and gain some weight and eat more than you should. I had gotten a little darker than my normal skin tone but that's because of the winter weather. We were in July already and you know how the winter sun can be.
Me: guys I'm not pregnant
Nita: when was the last time you had your period?
Me: I don't know guys. Last month or something
I didn't want to give them more reason to suspect me even more because. Honestly I've forgotten the last time I went on my periods. I've been too busy mourning my daughter and my father so shoot me... oh and my husband being kidnapped.
Ledi: just take the test and prove us wrong
Me: fine. I'll take the test when I get home. Happy now?
Nita: ecstatic.
Me: now can we eat and talk about something else
Ledi: but would it be so bad if you were pregnant?
I kept quiet for a while. Heck I didn't even know what I was going to say. What am I expected to say? If I am pregnant then I'm pregnant a child of rape. Shiit! Or maybe its Thomas's kid? I can't be pregnant with Thomas's child though.
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-Melo
Ever since Yaya's father's funeral she and I have become tighter than we were before and I've made it my duty to be the best husband to her that I can ever be. It's the least I could do seeing what I've put her through. I was in the parking lot talking to a friend on the phone when Thomas walked out of the restaurant with his sister. He walked up to me. I said my goodbyes and then looked at him.
Him: we meet again
Me: what do you want?
Him: you never apologized
Me: I had no reason to and I would do it all over again
Him: you won't be saying that when you find out that the Mrs. is carrying my baby
I kept quiet and just stared at him with that smug of his. I won't lie I was boiling. How dare he? Yaya told me that they used a condom mos, unless she lied... argh but she wouldn't lie about that. She didn't lie about her sleeping with the guy so why would she lie about using a condom? And what did he mean that Yaya was carrying his baby? Yaya was on the pill so her getting pregnant was literally not an option. She never misses a day... unless she stopped taking the pill when we found out about Yasmin.
Me: yeah keep dreaming
Him: the condom burst. She might just be carrying my child for all we know
I couldn't even hold myself back. I punched him and he just laughed. I got in my car and drove straight home. On the way I was angry AF. I need answers from Yandiswa. What makes him even think that she's pregnant? I would know if she was. Wait she has been feeling sick lately and hasn't been drinking her tea with milk as she used to before. What if she really was pregnant? I got home and parked my car and headed straight up to our room to find her and I found her in the closet looking down on a pregnancy test.
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-NARRATED
It had been a month now since the funeral, three months since the meeting with the parents that fixed their marriage. Yaya hadn't been feeling like herself lately, she's been very forgetful, lazy, nauseated, could barely stomach anything with milk in it. At first it didn't bother her much until this one time she was having lunch with Nita and Ledi and they suggested that there was a bun in the oven. They had even bought her a test for when she got home. She had just finished peeing on the stick and the test had two lines. She held the test in her hand with tears rolling down her eyes. Memories of that one night, that one little mistake she had made came rushing back to her like a flood.
"Is it mine?"
He asked standing right behind her. She quickly wiped her tears hoping he didn't notice the tears.
Her: excuse me?
Him: is this baby you are carrying mine or his?
Her: I don't know. What do you think?
Melo's tone wasn't the one she was used to. He seemed like someone who had a rough day at work or someone who was stressed about something. She knew her husband that well and quite frankly this angry man was not the man she had been seeing these past few months. Yes they were apart for a while and she wasn't expecting him to rock up the way he did.. well last time they spoke he was at work or having lunch with a client.
Him: if it's his and you decide to keep it then you out of this house. And if you choose us then you'll terminate it
Me: and if it's yours?
Him: there's no way it could be mine
Her: really? If I recall, you raped me. Didn't use a condom or whatsoever and then you ran away for three fucking weeks
She threw the test at him and stormed out of the room. Since when was this man who once treated her like the world revolved around her just this morning was suddenly a monster? Was this beast before her created by her infidelity? Was she to blame for his sudden behavior? It made no sense.
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-Yaya
He grabbed my arm as I was about to walk down the stairs. I had had it up to here with Melo and his behavior. Yes, I cheated on him in his absence and he wouldn't have known had I not confessed. Why is he acting some type of way?
Me: let go of me
I said looking at his hand on my arm
Him: Yaya can we please just sit down and talk
Me: the mighty Melokuhle Derrick Bess suddenly wants to speak to his slut of a wife
Him: I was angry and that was uncalled for. I'm sorry
Me: let go of my arm
Him: let's go back in our room and talk
I was hella pissed. How dare he talk to me like that. I'm his wife for Christ sake and how dare he expect me to abort even? He begged Kate not to abort but I, his wife should get an abortion? How selfish can one get?
Me: so you not going to let go of me?
Him: so you can go back to him huh?
I yanked my arm and walked down the stairs. Took my phone and car keys and drove out. He was an asshole. Who did he think he is? So yena he can disappear for 3 weeks and sleep with some girl he doesn't even know and then come back and act as if he shiits rainbows and unicorns? It doesn't work like that. The rain was pouring so hard I couldn't even see where the hell I was going and the tears weren't helping either. I found myself parked in front of my gallery. I took my keys and opened the back door and went down to my studio and found all the pictures of Yasy that were featured in my opening. She was so perfect, she was happy, she was beautiful and she was gone. I haven't been here ever since the Yasy was still alive. I've never been able to bring myself to come in here. I ran my fingers on her face on the picture. How can something so perfect could have come from him and I? Where did everything go wrong? Maybe if she hadn't died we wouldn't be in this mess.
Me: I miss you Yasy. I miss you so much. What if this baby I'm carrying is not your fathers?
Funny though because we used a condom but mistake happen ey. What if it burst? I sat down on the floor and just cried, everything was a mess and I couldn't fix it. There was nothing I could do about it. I woke up when I heard the car door close. I opened my eyes and I was laid down in the back seat of Melo's car, I could tell by the smell of his cologne that it was his car. I sat up and he got in the driver's seat and didn't say anything until we got home. I walked out first and he came in right after me
Him: Mafaku
Me: Melokuhle I'm tired
Him: I don't want to fight. I just want to talk
I shrugged and went to sit in the dining area, he sat on the chair next to me and turned to face me.
Him: I'm sorry about earlier on. It was wrong of me to ask you to choose between me and your baby when you never did me like that with Kyle. I know you hate me and I hate me too, nothing I do or say can undo the shiit I have put you through. I'm nothing like you, I've tried to move past everything like you always do but it's so hard because I love you so much and that was the last thing I would have expected from you. I'm willing to try make this work if you are
Me: what are you saying Melokuhle?
Him: whether it's mine or his, I'm going to stand by you as you have stood by me
Me: Melo why would you ask me to abort my child when you begged Kate to keep Kyle?
He kept quiet. I stood up and walked to our room. I don't doubt Melo's love for me but I do feel like he's being unfair towards me. I went inside the shower and just let the water run down on my skin. I was so angry and so hurt. I love this man; I love him so much for him to do me like this.