Unbearable Insanity

Chapter 9: Yuck

(Mikey's POV, !anxiety and suicidal ideas!)

We go on patrol that night, I bought a skirt, fishnet and stuff for me to fidget and fiddle with, but it still doesn't help my hyperactive and stir-fried brain, I keep getting us to retreat from a fight because of my tics. God, sometimes, I wish for a normal day, a normal patrol, a normal fight where we win, I want to make my brothers proud! I have a motor and vocal tic attack at me, "Yeeeeees, I obviously want pumpkin bread" I shrug and twitch, see, my Tourette's development isn't ninja! It's the complete opposite of ninja, another vocal tic hits me "(long gasp) Is that..A....PUPPER?!" I say exaggerated, God damn, they get worse everyday.

We went out to roam around for mid-day mischief and criminals, I mean, the people topside are kinda getting used to us ever since the day at the mall, the only thing that they ain't used to it my Tourette's. Yeah, I know I'm being loud, but I wish they knew I can't fully control what I say or do, I have another tic while walking on a rooftop "(pose) FLEX!" I say, the whole fam is fine with my tics because they know they're involuntary.

I can't help but feel like I'm a disgrace to my team and family, ninja's don't have..Neurological, I think that's the word?..Yeah, neurological disorders like mine... I start to wonder if my brothers are secretly sick and tired of my tics, I can't think those thoughts again, that's how I got 'em in the first place, and how I nearly..offed myself, but that's the past. Don't dwell on the past, Michelangelo, you ARE a fucking ninja! Don't put yourself down like that, be strong for your family! You. Are. A. NINJA.

I get a shit-ton of tics and stims when we get home, "DONNIE! Pumpkin bread?" I wheezed, I love pumpkin bread, it smelled like Halloween and cinnamon, "It's in the fridge, I think we're outta cream cheese though.." he goes on but I'm already in the kitchen digging in the fridge until I found it. There's only half cream cheese left, but eh, its good either way, cheese or no cheese.

Oh, wow, I have like a mini tic attack blow straight into my face, a new one is where I slap myself straight across the face, or constantly and aggressively tap my chest plastron, I have the most scrambled, broken brain in the world.

I feel like a fucking freak, not because the way I look, but because of my Tourette's, I don't want to be here anymore again, Mikey, fight the self-hate, buddy, you are perfect the way you are! You don't need to run away and die, you have a family who cares for you and loves you through and through! The intrusive thoughts win, but this time, I don't act, I think, HEY LOOK, two words that don't go together [think and Mikey] my neck jerks and I whistle.

God, just one, normal, tic-free, quiet ninja-ing day.

(THIS IS NOT MY IDEA! I got it from someone! I will say who in the comments!! thanks for the idea!)