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𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐄,
𝐈 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐊 𝐈 𝐏𝐔𝐒𝐇 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐀𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐁𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐈 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍, I don't want to affect anyone when I'm gonna kill myself. I know the wording choice I used. When. That was all intentional. Any time soon I will end up doing it because I can't stand it anymore. I can't handle the pain. Everything has been getting worse and I can't seem to reach out anymore. I can't pull myself out of it and I can't do anything but hurt others I love. It's getting to the point where I'm sure I'll do it any day now, where I fantasize about taking a gun to my head, or tieing a knot around my neck, or just stabbing myself over and over again. I can't get myself to eat anymore, to dress up like I used to, or to even put on a fake smile. It especially makes me want to tear out my organs and rip my skin off of me. Maybe even throw a bunch of glass at the floor and watch it shatter and scream with all the power that I have in my lungs. I want that to all stop. And once I'm out of here, this hell that people call earth, no one will have to suffer because of my actions.
I know what you're gonna say. That killing myself will be the one that gives the most pain to people who care for me, but that's the problem. No one cares about me. Not when I'm trying to tell my side or my pain. They only start to care when it's for their benefit. When they need someone to feel good about themselves or when they need someone to talk to. But when it's me who needs someone, they all turn their heads the other way. Some just get annoyed with it.
I've given my all for people who won't even care.
So yeah. No one actually cares about me. Not in a way I need though. I'm only caught in a hopeless situation and nothing can pull me out anymore. I want something, someone, to pull me out so badly, but I've practically lost all fate in that.
