Chronicles of Love and War

Chapter 18

"I don't understand it," Spy stared down at his gloved hands, trying to process all he'd just heard. "He was dead - I swear, I stabbed him, and I saw him die..."

"You don't have to keep repeating it," Engineer sighed. "He had to have been unconscious, or literally seconds away from death when Zelda discovered him..." he trailed off, clearing his throat. "But...God. I never would have expected this."

There was a long pause as Spy finally looked up at him, studying his face. "You're sure you don't hate me for this?" Spy questioned. "I stabbed your father and left him for dead, and you don't seem to mind..."

Engineer pulled his goggles off, setting them on the kitchen table as he leaned closer to Spy. "Hey - listen, I always had it in my mind that this was gonna happen. You did what you had to do to survive and to get all of y'all out of there. Did I like not being able to have a funeral for my pa, because they couldn't find his body? No. I won't lie, it sucked. But...at least I know he's not dead..."

"I see..." Spy sucked in a breath. "Well - that's true. In this sort of business, all sorts of things happen, I suppose..."

Engineer leaned his chin into his hand pensively. "Yeah...I know. You don't have to tell me, I grew up in this business. My pa used to almost always have blood on his shoes when I was a kid; do you think I didn't understand the dangers involved?"

There was a long pause, before Spy inquired, "You're going to see him in the hospital, I assume?"

Engineer rubbed his eyes, rising from his chair. "Yeah, of course. Do..." he trailed off, and then looked at Spy. "Do you wanna come with me?"

Spy raised his eyebrows. "Seriously?"

"Well, I just..." Engineer shrugged a little. "You don't have to,"

Spy considered it, before sighing. "I'd...I'd rather stay behind. Imagine if he wakes up and sees me, the man who stabbed him, coming to greet him out of his coma. Not the best look, you understand?"

"I mean, I get that," Engineer replied. "But, I mean...I gotta be honest, I dunno if he ever is gonna wake up."

As Engineer stood up from the table, Spy stood up as well, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Do tell me how he is, when you get back."

"Will do," Engineer mumbled, heading to leave.

As the wind picked up significantly, Dell climbed into his truck and started it.

He remembered how his mother had always told him to 'name the feeling' whenever he felt upset. One particular instance stuck out in his mind, a day when he was sobbing, pacing, and rocking back and forth when the sound of his mother's voice broke through the agony:

"I'm here, Dell. Can you name the feeling for me?"

Whining, nine-year old Dell clapped his hands over his ears. "No! No, you can't make me!"

Sitting on the floor in front of him, Pearl calmly took her son's hands into hers and squeezed them. "Take a breath," she urged him, her voice as soothing as always. "Name the feeling. Don't focus on what happened, focus on where you feel it..."

Though he was still very much on edge, he listened to her. Dell closed his eyes and took a deep breath, concentrating on the burning, uneasy sensation in his face and chest.

After a moment, he opened his eyes and blinked back tears, looking up at his mother. "I feel angry," he said finally.

"Why do you feel angry, darlin'?" Pearl asked softly, taking a moment to tuck a bit of hair behind her son's ear.

"Because..." Dell sobbed and hiccuped. "Pa promised me he would take me fishing today, but he's busy again!"

Pearl frowned, and she pulled her son close. "I know, pumpkin," she took a moment to stroke a hand through his hair, hugging him close to her. "He's very busy, I know...but it's almost Thanksgiving week! He'll have time off for that!"