The World Inside Our Dreams: Book One

In Hye

I don't know what happened but the usual group of girls that bother me only give me a disgusted look. No words. No insults. Just a look.

I'm starting to wonder if one of my sisters had something to do with this. I would be mad about this but I barely have the energy to do anything. Ever since I started taking those stupid pills, I'm constantly exhausted. I can't think right in school and I don't ever have the energy to hang out with Hyorim after school.

I forgot that I haven't told her of my tachycardia yet. She took my arm one day I had to sit for a third time on our way to my neighborhood from the thumping pain in my head. "In-hye," she said with sad eyes. "What's wrong? Did something happen when I was gone?"

I clenched my jaw at her question but I didn't want to deal with holding back that day. So I briefly gave her a summary of what happened in the past month and she gasped.

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't want to bother you. You were having fun on your trip and I didn't want you to worry."

She clicked her tongue and shook her head. "I will always worry about you. That's what true friends do. Next time, tell me."

I wondered if these words were genuine, but she gave me her sweet smile and I let my heart relax knowing that I still had my escape.

If only she could help me escape the pain.

Definitely, I'd be happy to stay with these stomach pains and nausea instead of having the lightning in my chest. But I thought these pills would help me. They're only bringing another kind of pain. A pain that seems to stay with me all the time.

I can barely eat anything. Even my favorite food stirs up my insides and I run to the bathroom. My sisters are worried about me. I can't help hiding this new kind of pain. I try to find my hiding place with painting and not even that seems to help. My eyes grow heavy instead of feeling the rush of peace when I stroke the paintbrush.

Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if I died...

One night, I woke up with an extreme headache and a terrible stomachache. I couldn't help but cry. In-kyung soon slipped under the covers and wrapped her arms around me.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Does your tummy hurt again?"

I quietly continued to cry as my arms tightened their hold around my waist. In-kyung was quiet for a moment until she began to give my temple small kisses. I didn't go to school the next day.

One night during dinner, I stayed in my room. I tried drawing but I was too tired to think of anything or even move my wrist. I laid in my bed with my mind blank so a headache doesn't start. I felt a soft hand on my shoulder and gently opened my eyes to see In-joo. Her eyes sadly carried worry behind her warm smile.

"You need to try to eat something, honey."

She had a plate in her hand and nausea made me close my eyes again.

"You can't stay like this. I'm going to the pharmacy tomorrow and ask why you're like this. I don't understand!"

She started to walk out and my heart began to sob. So I heard myself weakly say, "Unnie?"

She stops and in the darkness, I could see her sweet eyes lovingly shine at me. My lips began to quiver as my mind brought up a memory of our mother standing at the doorway like In-joo was. I tried to speak up but it was replaced with a sob. In-joo quickly put the plate down and came to wrap warm arms around me.

"Stay with me, unnie," I said among my cry. "Don't ever go away. Don't leave me alone."

"I'm not going anywhere," she said in my ear as she got comfortable next to me in my bed. "I'll always be here."