We Perfer The Term Psychotic

10. He wouldn't just leave would he?

I have already showered and got dress had coffee and I have cleaned the whole house and it's currently 12 I have seven hours left until I have to go see Billy.

I had fallen back asleep shortly after my meltdown with his arms tightly around me like he was scared that I would leave before he had woken up. He wasn't wrong to worry. I had been contemplating it when he had woken up at eight this morning l, I had some how managed to get undone by one of his arms when he had opened his eyes and watches as I struggled to get away from him without waking him up.

He loves watching me struggle. I needed to get away, I needed to run but I just couldn't bring myself to do it harshly so I had kissed his body every time I had gripped him harder than I had meant too which is probably what had woke him up.

He had pulled me right back to him wiping away an hour worth of gentle running in just one moment because the second I had hit the mattress again and smelt his scent and felt his arms hold me in a loving way and not the protective cage he had me on all night I had kissed him.

His lips were soft and urgent, making my body respond instantly. I had hated that my body knows what it wants and needs, I had almost given in if it weren't for the tears that I had started crying. Billy smiled sadly and pulled away kissing me once, twice and a third time before he had sighed and mumbled about it taking time.

I had cried for what felt like forever my eyes where so puffy and so red that when we had gotten up so the at I could go pee I had accidentally looked into the mirror and I gasped at what o had saw. I looked so tired and so sad and just down right different.

I had finished washing my hands as fresh new tears had started falling making me turn and cry into his chest where he held me again.

When we went back to the bedroom sleep had take control and I was too tired to try and fight it. So I didn't.

My dreams weren't any better than the last couple of days. In fact I still haven't stopped shaking from it.

It had felt so real...

In the distance I can hear a game. A basketball game. Cheering, the buzzer and the sneakers scrapping on the gym floor. And the overwhelming smell of stale popcorn. I walk down the hall that I'm on my footsteps echoing in the large space.

I open the big large doors and all of it, all of it stops.

I open the door wider trying to see what had happened. But no one's in there. The door shuts loudly behind me and I look back behind me seeing that the door is no longer a door. It's a tree. Confused I reach out and touch it. My hands run over the smooth moss before running over the rough bark.

It smells of dirt and as I breathe it in it seems to clear the fog that had clouded in my head.

"My sweet curious girl." The voice causes me too jump back my hands falling down to my sides.

I tur—

"Dad?" My voice sounds seven years old again and I can feel the weight of eleven years fall away and fade into the thunderstorm I have left behind for right night now.

Dads eyes—my eyes twinkle and they look so bright so real it's really him. I run into his open arms and he holds me tight. I cry into his sea like scent.

"I'm so sorry Ronny. I didn't want to leave." He says into my hair as he pressed my head into the crook of his neck. I shake my head I don't want him to apologize, it's not his fault. None of it was his fault.

"Don't say sorry it's not y-your fault." I whisper. It's not his fault that mom turned into—not her. I don't know what to call her.

"If I was home more you wouldn't have had to deal with all on your own." His own voice shakes and I tighten my hug. "I had Gavin." I did, while he had work I had Gavin. I wasn't entirely alone, I just felt lonely.