"So anyways, this guy tried to tell me that it was perfectly legal for him to stick his dong in a gas station hot dog roller. I honestly didn't care about the legality of it at that moment and was just trying to figure out why he did it. Burns all over his shaft, you know. Had to call an ambulance."
Josh listened to his partner's story with some amount of interest. They'd just finished their patrols and were heading back to the station - it was the only late shift Josh had worked that month, and he was eager to get home.
"Why didn't the clerk stop him before he put his dick on the machine, though?" Josh asked absently, drumming his fingers along the wheel of the patrol car.
"Y'know, I was wondering that too. You'd think that'd be easier than cleaning the thing after he puts his penis on it."
"I wonder if they'll clean it at all." Josh noted. He was glad he didn't eat gas station hot dogs in the first place.
"Eww, Josh," his partner made a face, "that's nasty."
"This whole conversation is nasty," Josh replied. "Besides, Miss Davis, we're almost back at the station. Save your wiener roller story for the chief."
"Don't you 'Miss-Davis' me, Mr. Brown. I'm officer Davis."
Colette Davis had been his partner for years, and yet, they still managed to repeat that same interaction weekly. Josh liked it. It felt like a little token of friendship.
"Yeah," Josh smiled, "and I'm officer Brown."
"Brown, Davis, we've got reports of a 10-66 in your area. Blonde male. Appears drunk." The dispatcher's voice crackled across the radio.
Josh felt his grip tighten on the wheel.
"Oh, so close!" Colette groaned, throwing her head back before grabbing the radio. "Where is the guy?"
"Last report put him on Lane, moving towards High."
Josh groaned audibly, turning onto Lane Avenue and flicking his brights on. He didn't think he needed to put his sirens on for just some drunk guy scaring late night pedestrians.
"I don't see him," Colette noted, "keep going onto High street."
"Alright," Josh hummed, turning onto High street without much thought.
"See him now?" Josh asked, slowing to far below the speed limit so they could search for him.
"No - wait-brake. Josh, brake- BRAKE!"
Colette grabbed the wheel, steering the car to the side as Josh slammed his foot against the brake. "What, Colette? Wha-"
But then, he saw him.
The subject was lying on the ground in the middle of the road. Josh was surprised he hadn't been run over yet.
Parked in the middle of the road, Josh flicked the police lights on - but not the siren - and stepped out of the car. He kept his hand firmly wrapped around his taser.
"Buddy," Josh started, "I'm gonna need you to stand up."
The man's head lulled towards Josh, his eyes wide and pupils dilated even as Josh shined a flashlight in them. He began to convulse, saliva trailing out of his mouth as he stared wide eyed. He almost looked like a corpse.
"Davis! Get the EMT's over this way - shit," Josh called, kneeling by the man and dragging him upwards. He bent him over his knee, looking away when the blonde began to hurl on his shoe. "Shit," Josh said again, having to look away when the vomit hit his own pants.
"They're coming," Colette said, replacing the radio she'd been using and coming to Josh's aid. "A bit too much to drink, huh?" She asked, patting the man's back.
Josh was suspicious, though. The more he watched the man, the less drunk he seemed - he had bruises, fresh and old coating his bare chest, and various little nicks and cuts covered his arms. And then, finally, he saw the little pinprick holes at the base of his neck.
Heroin didn't make any sense; heroin would've been injected in the arm - or at least somewhere a junkie could reach themself - and the neck was not one of those avenues.
"He's drugged," Josh said suddenly, "look at this. No way he put it there himself." He put his hand over the tiny wounds.
Colette leaned in to examine them. Her eyes widened when she did.
"Let's get him in the cruiser and park correctly, then."
Josh dragged the man to his feet - he couldn't stand on his own at all - and helped him to the back of the car. Colette had retrieved a blanket from the back, and then given Josh a few napkins to clean the vomit with.
"I hurt," the man rasped suddenly, "I'm hurt. Im hurt."
"I know, sir. There's an ambulance on the way." Colette said gently.
But Josh knew his voice. He knew his voice from his rounds as his superhero persona. Vix had helped him out with stopping a few villains before. He always seemed untouchable - far too cocky to get hurt - and yet, there he was, shivering and shirtless and... drugged.
"Vi-Nicolas?" Josh asked.
The man's shivering stopped as he slowly looked up at Josh.
"Help me, Midnight," Nicolas wheezed, "please help me. He's in my ear. He won't stop."
Josh quirked his head to the side before carefully tilting Nicolas' jaw to the side. "Call me Josh, here," he said before noticing a small device jammed haphazardly into Nicolas' ear.
Josh brought his ear close to the device, barely able to make out the sound of a voice. He couldn't tell what they were saying, though.
"Who's in your ear, Nick?"
"Victor," Nicolas sobbed, "I want him out."
Josh peeled the device away from his ear. Nicolas visibly calmed down.
"Careful with that, Officer Brown," Colette hummed, "that's evidence."
"I'm being careful, Officer Davis." Josh replied, glad to finally hear the wailing of an ambulance in the dead night.
Nicolas hugged the blanket around himself and sighed before unceremoniously slumping back against the seat and falling asleep.
"So, you know him?" Colette asked, placing her hands on her hips.
"In a way," Josh replied as the ambulance began to flash its own lights down High street. He sighed himself, then proceeded to pull out his phone and call Keiren.
"Ayy, Josh! Wassup?" Keiren answered with much enthusiasm.
Josh blinked. Keiren only answered the phone like that when he was drunk or tired.
"I was just calling to let you know I'll be home late," Josh said, "We had a suspicious person report and then it turned out to be a drugging situation - the ambulance just got here."
"Oh, shoot. It's no biggie, though. Me and Solis are getting McDonald's."
"At 10 P.M.?" Josh asked, almost startled.
"We were hungry and Solis tried to drink out of the dog water fountain at the park earlier so I figured -"
"Okay, okay," Josh chuckled, "I'll see you soon, Keiren. Don't stay up too late."
"Yesss, Officer Brown," Keiren groaned, then hung up.
"Yess, Officer Brown," Colette mocked.
Josh knew she was just jealous.
