Yes MCR is a way of life if you don't like it, piss off. 🥰
If y'all know I'm 19, then y'all know who's 27. To be honest I have daddy issues, I can't lie about it. And I won't, I want to heal from them, daddy issues aren't cute, trendy or something to be proud about. And yes I think that plays a HUGE role in who I date, they often say girls marry their fathers. And I find myself in a relationship where I feel safe, secure, comforted and loved. Boo often holds me accountable and I have to be an adult, and do adult things and think like an adult. My father wasn't there and I know that I'll always look for the love of my father in my relationships because that's what I've been programmed to do... but Ive found a good person who provides such emotional luxuries. I know that thinking that security, love, comfort, peace and safety are luxuries is a massive tell... I know that dating someone 8 years my senior is controversial and I really don't give a damn.
I know a few women who like older men. And now I'm a bit older and wiser... dating is a lot easier. I've settled into my own body considerably more, I've found a comfortable relationship where I thrive! I know that his bare minimum to me feels extravagant, and I often feel bad. He has his own car, place, even his own beautiful daughter named Blue (blue nose pit, hop off my dick I wouldn't expose a child's id on the internet) and I often feel under qualified to date someone with so much more than I have. But then I remember I'm 19 and not supposed to have it all together. And that's okay, one day at a time. I'm learning and unlearning love all over again... and it makes my heart cry. I feel that I'm grieving who I was and birthing who I will be all at once. I'm in a weird transitional phase, and to have to comfortable with uncertainty. But the only certainty is that I love him, and it makes me emotional to say it. My eyes tear up when I say it.
I love him without bounds, with a love that transcends time and space. Love that literally could be felt from another universe, a love so strong yet delicate that it is created with the very threads that hold my soul together. But I know there is this little apprehension in my head that tells me to be careful, last time I loved someone and they broke my heart I literally vowed to never take another man seriously and I haven't got two years until about... two months ago. And I'm so deadass rn, when I first met Boo, I literally scoffed in his face when he asked for my number. But I knew he was different when he called me "Beloved" the first time. I knew it... deeply in my soul. I never call anyone "my love" but he is my love, my sweetheart, my princess, my friend.
We always hear about "M'lord" this and "M'Lady" that... but I call him "M'Love" (Ma love). I believe without a shadow of a doubt we could be the greatest love story in history. There is something so warm about him, he reminds me the sun. My sun chaser, he reminds me of a boy who could chase the sun and succeed. To me he is the most magical person in the world. I will say waking up in his bed is actually such a great feeling, but over all sleeping next to a man feels so strange. To share a bed with someone is so intimate and sacred to me. We often discuss the possibility of children (im on nexplanon... 3 more years of being childless then I will gift him a child. I have no problem giving him a baby sooner... maybe like... 2 years but um... I'm happy having no babies rn). I think he knows I'd rather be married before I bring a kid into the world.
