SMITTEN || J.JK

19| Exclusive

"You were?",I speak through the shock caused in my mind, my eyes clamped down on him to acknowledge the deep intensity in his.I can't differentiate between my own feelings, there's astonishment and a different kind of happiness in knowing that he was jealous of someone who hugged me like he does.He breaks away his body from the headboard to incline towards me, his gaze lingering on me causing every muscle in my body tenses in anticipation because all I want is him to agree with me.

"Believe it or not, pocky.I was fucking jealous when he hugged you like that but I was even more worried when he told me about what happened with danbi in the locker room. I kept thinking how she would've hurt you more if he wasn't there and I was pissed at myself for not warning her to stay away from you so even though he helped you and you guys had a good talk, I can't lie about how badly I wanted to replace him when he hugged you.",His gaze travels over me again and my jaw falls apart at the information. I guess mingyu must've told him about that incident and our conversation but the way he wants me is evident in his words, causing my heartbeat to rise out of control. Despite the fact that he's being truthful about his feelings, I can't bring myself to blindly trust him because this type of relationship is unclear to me.

"Can I ask you something?",I manage to shoot a sentence and he nods,his hand strokes my knee languidly which is making it difficult for me to sort out my thoughts. I can't let his touch drive my mind frantic so I wrench his hand away from my skin, and there's a quivering disappointment on his face before he straightens his back, concerned about what I'm going to address and he attempts to hide the instant jolt of worry by pursuing his lips.

"I just don't know what we're doing. We are friends, we both have fun talking and bickering with each other but I want you to know that what happened at the lunch table that day isn't normal for me. I don't let anyone just finger me under the table unless I'm attracted to the person or feel something for them. I'm not blaming you, you didn't advance before my consent but this...what's happening between us, this is not normal friendship. Friends don't tease each other like this and act completely normal the next day, as if that isn't a big deal. I'm not saying that I'm in love with you but this tension between us is pretty much obvious.",I pour everything inside my chest in one breath and look at him as a shadow of faint happiness passes over his face. It's even more awkward now but I pretend to be composed when he tilts his head to angle his vision better.

"Are you attracted to me?",He points out, his brown eyes piercing through the layers of my clothes to engorge a hammering in my chest. My mouth falls dry for a few seconds and there's a beat of hesitance but I realise there's no going back anymore. If we have to reach a conclusion, I'm not afraid to admit the truth."Yes,are you?.

"I've been attracted to you since god knows when,pocky.",A smile curves his lips and his words cause a ripple of excitement through my whole body,"This isn't normal for me either, in fact this is the first time I'm feeling this attracted and protective of someone. I know it may seem like doing all this is normal for me but I wasn't lying when I said you are different for me.You actually listen to me y/n, you understand me and everytime I see you, I want you close to me, I want to touch you but I also know that it isn't love. You already know my take on romantic relationships so I don't want to mess anything between us by bringing those things between us.",He states his feelings confidently but this still doesn't put everything on a clear slate. A part of me is relieved to know that I'm not drafted in the same list as all other girls but I fall clueless.

"So what do you think we should do?",A sharp exhale leaves my chest in an overwhelming manner.

"We both aren't looking for love right now and are attracted to each other in a not so platonic way, so why don't we give this thing a chance? I'm not saying this to sleep with you, you're a great friend to me and I don't want to lose this.",He pauses but sees the fractious oblivion crossing my face and decides to phrase it in fine words."I'm talking about being exclusive, kind of being friends with benefits.The difference is that you'll be my friend first before everything.",He waits for me to respond but his suggestion is clouding my mind with a puddle of thoughts.