Falling for my Best Friend

Apologies and Anger

Kilian

After Shane sent Wren and me out to the car I couldn't stop wondering what he was going to say to Nolan. I don't think Nolan has had a real conversation with a father figure, maybe ever. My dad has sure never sat me down to talk to me about anything. I think that Nolan feels like no one cares so he doesn't either. Maybe the McCauley's will be good for him.

Once we sat down in the dark car, I could only see the outline of Wren's face and her bright smile. I've always known that she was pretty, I mean I'm not blind but the older we get, the more and more I realize she is actually beautiful. The way her eyes sit up on her round apple cheeks and her lips look like a little heart is almost enough to bring any man to his knees but then her smile... I can't even think too much about it or I'll go wild.

As if she was reading my mind Wren nudged me to get my attention, "It's okay," she assured, "Nolan will be okay, my dad will be okay, we're all going to be okay."

I took a deep breath and did my best to return her smile before I explained, "I'm sorry I got you mixed up in this, I didn't know what else to do. I'll find a way to pay your dad back. When I finally see my dad again maybe he'll pay him back, I don't know, I'm just sorry. I'm sorry for Nolan too, I'm sorry he is such a dick."

She raised her hand in the air signaling me to stop, when I get anxious I always just rattle out words. I don't even know what I am saying half of the time, and Wren knows this about me.

Before she could speak, the front car door opened and Shane got in, shortly after that Nolan got into the passenger side. They were quiet, but there was no blood I could see, so at least there was that.

The ride home was silent and dark. I cast my gaze around the vehicle to try to gauge everyone's mood, but still had no idea of how they were all feeling. It's hard to read facial expressions but even more difficult in the dark.

Before I knew it, we were pulling up to our house; Shane put his hand on Nolan's shoulder and said, "See you Saturday, son."

Nolan just nodded and got out of the car. Wren squeezed my hand as if to wake me up from my trance-like state.

"Thank you, Mr. McCauley, I don't know what I would have done otherwise," I managed to spit out.

"Wren will take you to school tomorrow, you can get your bike back after, try to go get some sleep tonight," he said like a stern officer giving his troops orders.

Wren and I both exited the car and before she got into the front seat with her dad, she grabbed me in a tight hug. She smelled like a fresh fall day, crisp but moody and musky. She had my arms pinned and I couldn't hug her back so I just rested my chin on her head, it felt nicer than it should have.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Just remember to breathe," was her reply.

It's the best advice she can give me, for some reason I forget to do that. When I'm stressed, angry or upset I hold my breath, somehow it helps me deal with my emotions but I'm lucky I don't pass out in the process.

After saying good night to Wren, I reluctantly went inside with my douchebag brother and instantly launched on him. I jumped on his back in an attempt to take him down. He stumbled a little but swung me off of him onto the couch.

"Don't start something you can't finish, boy," he threatened.

At that moment I thought I was probably pissed enough to fight him. Usually, I'm a little scared of him but right then my anger was winning out. I tried to think of what Wren would have to say about it the next day though and decided that there was no point so I just yelled at Nolan instead.

"What the hell was that back there? Wren's dad made your bail and got you out! Why were you even arrested? What the fuck is your actual problem?" I shouted.

My words ran out like melted butter, I couldn't hold myself back. My heart was thumping, and the adrenaline was coursing through me so I continued my tirade, "You don't have to push away everyone that cares about you, you know? Those people are so important to me and I won't have you disrespecting them!"

"She's sure got her claws in you, huh asshole?" was his only reply and he punctuated it with malicious laughter.

"Forget it! You're not worth it. I'm done trying with you, every time I think you can't get any worse, you do," I yelled as I walked out of the room, leaving my words hanging in the air.

I plopped down on my bed and instantly started to feel guilty. I've never let my brother have it like that, I don't know if he can take it, but the truth hurts, huh? The way he acted was uncalled-for, and someone had to tell him. Little brother or not, I am more mature and I knew that I was right. My heart was still pounding and I felt anxiety surging through my body. I looked at the clock, 1 AM.

"Shit, I have to go to sleep," I exhaled a deep breath.

I pulled out my phone and played some music through my headphones, hoping that I could just zone out. Liam LaGrange's solo album started to play and it instantly made me think of Wren. I would never even have this on my playlist if it weren't for her.

She is obsessed with that guy. What does he have that I don't? Money, tattoos, motorcycles, and musical skills sure... but so? He also is a killer rock star that fronts an amazing band that kicks ass but he put out a whiny solo album where everything is slowed down and emotional. What a let-down. Wren says he was bearing his soul, I say it's crap, but look at me still laying here listening to it just because she likes it.

I rolled over on my side and a whiff of her scent wafted up from my t-shirt. She smells so good, like I imagine one of those broody, witchy girls from television would smell. Not sweet, but sexy and intense. I took my shirt off and put it under my head, hoping to catch more of her scent. I closed my eyes and imagined her here with me and pictured her lying beside me with her calming presence, reminding me to breathe. I inhaled her perfume and it all became too much.

I know what young, virile man would fantasize about cuddling with his best friend? But you haven't smelled her, been lucky enough to touch her warm skin, I can't think about anything besides cuddling her or it will make me explode. I sat up in bed and started to text Wren.

[Kilian]: Your boyfriend is singing me to sleep right now...

[Wrenny]: You & Liam in bed together? I'll be right over!

[Wrenny]: LOL sorry I'm tired, why aren't you sleeping?

I couldn't help noticing that she never flirts with me like that but I explained it away by thinking she must be tired. Or maybe I was tired and reading too much into it.

[Kilian]: Can't, I tried to kill Nolan, unsuccessfully

[Wrenny]: You will live to fight another day!

[Kilian]: Why aren't you sleeping?

[Wrenny]: History project due tomorrow. I need that A!

[Kilian]: Wrenny... sorry, you should have said something

[Wrenny]: No, you are number one, school just comes in a close second. You can buy me an extra shot of espresso tomorrow to make up for it

[Kilian]: If u say so. Get some sleep tho pls.

I felt really calm after chatting to Wren, why didn't I just do that in the first place? She gives the best advice and always makes me feel better. I turned my phone off and passed out before I knew it, cuddling my shirt like it was Wren.