Giving me to you

May

"You don't have to do this." The familiar words that the Barton man spoke. She has heard it hundreds of times before, from her various victims, yet today it sounded slightly different, more hopeful.

"Then tell me." She pinned him down tighter, whispering in his ear so Aria, who had successfully poisoned the traitor and was rummaging through the files, would not overhear their conversation. "What can you do to promise my safety? What can you do to get me out of the situation I am in."

"I can offer you a position in S.H.I.E.L.D." The man looked into her eyes and grunted as she pinned him down harder. "We can give you safety, a new life. You can have a new name, a new job, a new future."

Natalia gritted her teeth. She thought of Alexi and Melina, of her hope which turned slowly into disappointment. She thought of Yelena and the other girls in the Red Room, and the girl who came with her on this mission, who was still working through the files. 

"What do I have to do?"

The brown haired man smiled. "My mission is to terminate Dreykov, I think you may like to join."

This was Natalia's chance, a new escape, a way to leave the Red Room, the tortures, the cold, ashen faces. If she goes to America, surely she can become stronger and come back for Yelena, leave and become stronger, to bring the Red Room down. And for now, to leave behind the swirl of uncomfortable emotions that cloaks around her and Aria.

"What do I have to do?" She asked quietly. They were running out of time, Aria was almost done with the files. The girl was not of a suspicious kind, but Natalia did not want any accidents or mistakes. 

"I'll find you after you get rid of your tail, then we can talk." Barton nodded at the frail figure who was shuffling through the last of the paperwork. "She has not appeared on any of our files before. Is she new?"

Natalia shook her head. "She isn't an assassin, or she wasn't."

There was a pang of guilt which washed through Natalia as she told Barton about Aria, her flaws, her techniques in fighting, all the information the girl had willingly disclose in order to gain her trust. 

Sacrifices had to be made if Natalia was to save her sister. She decided to to dwell on the losses to be had. Perhaps it was to convince herself that the feeling that she had in her stomach was just guilt, she forced herself to think of Yelena, to think of herself and the tortures of the Red Room. 

Dreykov had always said that the girls had no place in the world. It would only be normal then if she tried to obtain one for herself. It was a reasonable temptation. 

Was it not?

Hours later, squeezed into a underground pipework with Barton, Natalia tried to hide the grimace from her face. She couldn't imagine the look of Aria's face when the girl realise that she has been abandoned. It did not bring Natalia any satisfaction or comfort. 

"Feeling guilty?" This Barton man just had a way of stirring up her frustration. She fingered the cold surface of her Glock, her hair standing on end. So this is what betraying feels like, almost as bad as being betrayed.

"Shut up, Barton, or I wouldn't mind silencing you myself." She snapped. 

"You did the right thing." He said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. She tried hard not to tear it off him. 

"How are you so sure." She snarled at him. "Don't pretend you aren't like me, doing the dirty work in the shadows."

There was a glimmer of sympathy in his eyes. "I'm saving people, I'm doing the right thing. You will be too. Once we kill Dreykov your life will be a clean slate, you get to be the hero and save lives. Nothing feels better than that."

It took her years to realise that Barton was wrong. You can never be a clean slate after what you have done. People don't see it that way, she doesn't see it that way either, especially not...

Natasha Romanoff gasped away from her all too familiar nightmare, the faces of men and women crowding around her, their wailing in her ears, their bloodied limbs clinging on to her, pulling her towards a bloodied, broken figure. 

"I understand." The voice made itself to her ears, hollow, empty. "I understand why you left me."

Madam B now, her thin frame leaning over Aria. "You know what happens to those who fail, Natalia."

But Aria didn't fail. 

Aria did what she was told. 

"She died because you wanted to become a hero, Natalia, but tell me..." Madam B's eyes glinted, mocking. "Who have you saved, but for yourself?"

"I found the front door!" Tony declared as he swooped down in his suit, blaring music in the comms. "Going in in one, one. I'm in."

"When I said create a distraction, Tony, Steve's desperate voice on the other side of the comms, "I don't mean let the whole base notice us."

Natasha rolled her stiff shoulders, trying to look nonchalant and avoiding Clint's gaze. It wasn't much of a success, they knew each other too well for that. 

"Nightmare again?" He peered at her with a frown. "You could have take this one off."

Before she could answer, the music stopped, and Tony's swearing came through. Oddly, Steve was silent. 

"Tony, Steve?" Clint was quick to notice something was wrong. 

"Clint, we need Nat and Bruce to come in." Steve's voice came from the earpiece, oddly shaken. "Bring the med kit."

.