It'll All End In Tears - TOM HOLLAND

Till The Day I Die

We both went home after Tom's confession. We went back to London. I said nothing. Tom said nothing.

I didn't know what to say or what to do. I knew nothing but confusion. Part of me knew I loved him but the other? It constantly told me that Tom would leave me. That this wouldn't last forever. That he wouldn't be my forever. What should I do? Should I say it back? Should I let myself feel?

"Tom," I continued, unsure where this conversation would go but before I could say anything else he interrupted me.

"You do not have to say anything, Clarissa. I said it a bit too fast."

"No-"

"Yes and I am truly so-"

Before he could apologise, I leaned in and kissed him. He had nothing to apologise for. As I pulled away from him, I put my hands on his face and said "Thomas Stanley Holland, I love you too."

Tom gave me his biggest smile. He honestly reminded me of a puppy. He was so adorable. I could just eat him up.

"You do?" Tom asked. I didn't say it before which probably made him doubt my love for him.

"Tom." I said. "Every single cell in my body loves you. And when they die. And the ones are born. They love you even more."

"I love you so fucking much. Till the day I die." Tom replied.

"And after that." We both spoke in sync.

They don't know about the things we do
They don't know about the I-love-yous
But I bet you if they only knew (they don't know)
They would just be jealous of us

Harry walked in, grabbed me and dragged me all the way out. He looked as though he was pissed, and yet the boy looked sad. I wonder what could have happened.

"Harry..." I continued, "Are you okay?"

"Dr Palmer just called." He said.

"My doctor? Oh okay?"

"She asked me how you were feeling?" Harry looked down and then right into my eyes. "Because apparently, Clarissa, you have cancer. And not once did you even think about telling us this. I want to know why."

"Harry, I-"

"You know what? Save it. I don't want to hear another lie." Harry said as he went into his room. He slammed the door shut.

After Tom heard the door, he quickly came out. "Hey, what happened?"

"Nothing." I kissed his cheek. "Nothing you need to worry about." I smiled at him. I couldn't exactly tell Tom that I had cancer. I couldn't have another Holland mad at me, especially not Tom. I knew that I had to tell Tom about the cancer, and I will. I will at the right time. The voice in my head told me I had to tell Tom before it was too late.

"Are you sure about that? Harry only does that when something drives him up the wall." Tom questioned.

I didn't want everyone to find out because... because I lost so many people already. I didn't even have a Katie to my Alexa. I didn't want people to treat me differently just because I had breast cancer.

"I'll talk to him about that." I looked at Tom's watch. "Hey don't you need to audition for that thing-"

"HOLY COW! RIGHT YES! THAT MOVIE!" Tom said and sprinted outside.

Tom went to audition for a movie he really wanted a role in. I knew he'd get it. I was watching him audition everyday in front of the mirror. I was sure he'd get it. I knew he'd get it.

I went to Harry's door and knocked on it hoping to see his face on the other end. "Harry." I said softly as I slid down his door. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I really do feel bad. I think of you as my brother and I really don't want to lose you."

Harry opened the door and I fell down on Harry's room floor. I turned my body on my stomach and said, "Oh- h-hey!"

"Oh god, sorry there." He helped me up.

"Yeah, thank you." I looked at Harry. "Hey, look, I just... I didn't want to tell anyone about the cancer because I didn't want everyone to start treating me differently. I wanted to live a normal life."

"Clarissa, I'm pretty sure when Tom sees your hair falling out, he'll know something's up."

"I'll buy a wig or a beanie. He won't-" and even though I knew the truth, even though I knew that Tom would know, I tried to convince myself that I'd be okay, that nothing big would happen.

"Clarissa." he looked down. "Maybe you can do this but I can't. I cannot lie to my brother."

"No, Harry," I continued, "Please. You. Cannot. Tell. Tom."

"Why." Harry questioned. "Who Not?! He deserves to know."

"I just- I can't! Not yet."

"More like ever?"

"Okay! Fine!" I agreed. "I'll tell him!"

"Good."

I was sauntering around the house after sometime waiting for Tom's arrival. Harry had to go for work and so he left. I was alone. I decided to watch some TV. I put on Spider-man: Far From Home because let's be honest. Tom looked like an actual puppy dog.

After an hour or so Tom came back home. He looked so happy and I felt so bad because I was going to be the one to ruin it. My emotions were all over the place. I didn't know how to feel at this moment.

"OMG YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE HOW WELL MY AUDITIONS WENT! I THINK I MAY GET MY ROLE!" Tom looked at me closely. "Hey you okay? No you aren't okay. It's okay, tell me."

"I've been in therapy."

"Thank god someone is in therapy." he chuckled.

"No I meant... I've been in chemotherapy..."