Chasing Hope [HIATUS]

CHAPTER 13

I couldn't control my emotions and immediately ran to the parking lot but I wasn't even close to my car when it suddenly rained as my tears fell.

"Nadeleine!"

I held my chest to stroke it and release the fear I was feeling.

Why am I seeing that again?

What in the world and I saw him again?

Am I not allowed to be happy and free?

"It's raining, stand up!" I forcefully gave Kiel my car keys and used all my strength to stand up while crying. I felt Kiel's grip on my waist. He opened the door of my car and lifted me to get in, my strength was exhausted. Hindi ko na kaya, pakiramdam ko ay bumalik ako sa panahon na nalaman ko 'yung basurang ginawa niya. "Shit," Kiel murmured.

I let out all my feelings, I didn't think that Kiel was with me now. I just want to let it all out. I thought I was fine, I just thought. No matter how much I thought I was fine, I never thought that I would still fall into what I was most afraid of. When I remembered the look on his face earlier, everything he did came back. Full story, back to me.

I knelt in front of Syed to ask him not to leave and stay with me. Even though what he did to me was so painful, I was still ready to forgive and accept him fully that night. I chased him several times, I did everything for him, I loved him so much that it reached the point where I knelt down to him in our school so that he wouldn't leave. I didn't think about those around us as I knelt before him, begging him to choose me.

I don't even know why that is. Why does he have to look at me as trash that can be kicked anywhere?

Ayoko na.

It's just scary to love again. I don't feel like I'm back to zero. Maybe all my trauma came back when I saw him, that's all. I was just scared when I saw him earlier and remembered what happened. Hanggang doon lang 'yon. I want to win this time, I want to be on my side now. I want to show him, just in case, that he is the trashier of the two of us. Hindi naman siya kawalan. I was just not in the right frame of mind when we had a relationship, I was just too crazy about him and I gave it my all.

I wiped my cheek and leaned back. I looked at Kiel who looked worried about me but I was worried seeing that he was wetter than me. Naramdaman ko ring may jacket na nakapatong sa akin.

"Sorry," I said in a low tone of my voice.

"I'm okay. You don't look well, I'll take you to your condo," I just nodded and turned down the air conditioner because I was cold. Kiel might even get sick because of me. Meron pa naman sigurong damit si Kuya Ashton sa guest room, papahiramin ko na lang si Kiel. I answered Maeve's text, she was obviously very worried. Ang dami niyang text, sigurado akong nakita niya si Syed. I just reassured Maeve that I was fine and that she would just stay there.

Nagpark na si Kiel kaya tinanggal ko na ang seatbelt bago buksan ang pinto ng car. "What are you doing? Let's go." Masungit kong sabi kay Kiel. Paano ba naman, nakatingin lang siya sa akin!

"Saan?"

"Sa taas?! Duh! Bilis, malamig," nagtataka pa rin si Kiel pero sumunod lang siya sa akin. Nagulat pa nga ako na dala niya ang mga gamit ko. Nakakahiya na tuloy. Pinaupo ko siya sa sofa at pumasok ako sa isang room para tignan kung may naiwan pa bang damit si Kuya Ashton dito. I was relieved to see that he still had some clothes here. I took it and got a towel to give it to Kiel. "'Wag ka na magreklamo. Andoon lang 'yung CR, baka magkaroon ka ng sakit niyan, Kiel." He was about to speak but I glared at him, which is why he didn't continue.

When he entered the bathroom, I also entered my room to change my clothes. Bumalik na ako sa kusina at umupo roon, nagscroll lang ako kung saan puwedeng umorder ng food. Malakas pa rin ang ulan, wala namang bagyo ngayon. Baka ulan lang. Gusto ko sanang magluto kaso wala na akong energy. My gaze shifted to Kiel when he came out of the bathroom.