Dare You to Doubt Me | d.r3

DARE YOU TO DOUBT ME | iv

iv.

"Okay first things first," Daniel begins after settling down in his seat in the same restaurant you took him to after the Australian GP. It's, what, three weeks now?

            "Since I'm the person who will make your offer work, I need to know that I'm not being manipulated. A little project you didn't give a damn to tell me because you were afraid I won't agree with you. So tell me—you're not offering me to coach Adam because of a project, are you?"

            "May you elaborate what project you're referring to?"

            Daniel sighs as if you're playing dumb instead of being serious. "A writing project. You're a writer. You're not secretly writing about me, are you? Doing a memoir or a biography or even writing critiques about me."

            Should you be mad at Daniel for thinking you're doing a critical essay about him? You guess not because sometimes, in your industry, it could get that way.

            "Daniel, I'm a professional," you reply.

            You did have thought about writing about Daniel's accident a few nights after his accidents. After some datas, articles and interviews you collected, inspired by his story, you thought about writing about an athlete being betrayed. But you won't do that to Daniel.

            "Daniel, if I wanted to write about you, I'll be honest. Now, the offer to be Adam's coach is genuine. I promise I'm not manipulating you or anything. And I promise if people saw you at Hampton's Go-kart Circuit, they won't tell anyone about it."

            Daniel nods his head understood. "And you're aware that Adam already has a coach in the Academy, right?" Daniel asks.

            "Yes. I am," you deadpan.

            "And let me get this straight: you're aware that you or me or the both of us might get sued if Adam's academy finds out that he's been having a coaching session with another person, right?

            "Honestly, I don't think I'd get sued if they found out I hired a second coach for Adam. Because, why? What's wrong with that? Adam just needs motivation. It's like sending him to therapy."

            "People will do anything to bring you down, Zara," Daniel states.

            "Okay, you're probably right," you answer. "But like I said, I promise you it'll leave you no harm in coaching Adam even though he is already in Junior Karting Academy. Just say you do it for fun, to get Adam's motivation back because that kids has potential."

            Daniel laughs. Yes, you're probably right. He's just thinking too much. Though Adam's academy could sue you and Daniel for shaming them especially if Adam's reputation gets worse and for breaching the agreement. You could also get sued for cheating by other teams.

            Both you and Daniel pause when a sever comes and set down a meal in front of you before doing the same to Daniel. Today, Daniel was braver. He ordered a different food for himself even though it's still a pasta because it's easier to eat pasta than a steak with his condition.

            You were shocked when you saw Daniel grabbing the menu. You monitored Daniel as he turned the page of the menu book one by one. Sometimes, the greasy menu was too slick for him but Daniel is a grown man. De doesn't need instructions. He just needs more practice so you let him practice grabbing and turning the slick menu. When he said "that's all" to the server, you're proud of him.

            "Do you have any idea when to coach him without clashing with Adam's academy schedule?" Daniel asks first after the server left.

            "That's an easy one," you beam. "You can coach him after his karting classes or any day when he has no class with the Academy. Think of it like a home tutor after school to improve his skills. Maybe you can start something a little... easier. Like ice-breaker. Maybe you can start from below."

            "Yeap. You don't have to worry about that. I've planned it all out."

            He's planned it all out? Maybe he's not as relented as he seems.

            "But i'm warning you," Daniel continues, "I'm strict when it comes to coaching especially with kids. They have a lot to learn but they're good at absorbing new information so they have to be serious about it and I have to be strict."

            "Understood." yYou force a smile. Daniel sounded a lot more serious than you thought. Very unlikely of the Daniel you knew but you're not going to blow this chance because, aside from Adam, you're doing this for Luke.

            "How about an agreement?"

            You take out your phone, ready to list down those agreements.

            "With what I said, I assume that we're both agreed not to make any comments on my coaching style. Second, I hope you didn't think I was joking when I asked you for a salary. I really need some money."

            You nod without showing any sign of protest. To be honest, from your part, you're ready to pay any amount Daniel asks even though you don't dare to ask because you're afraid he will ask a ridiculous amount from you.

            "Be on time. You know it's not just about racing. It's about attitude," Daniel continues. "Last and most important thing is, I'm out as soon as Adam's academy finds out and I'm not going to get involved with the follow-up issues."

            You wince. Okay, well, this one hurts even though, if the situation is reversed, you might do the same thing.

            "If you agreed to these, I can train Adam better than his academy and bring him to the front row before the season ends."

            That's very bold of him to promise.

            Both of you eat your dinner in silent soon after. Occasionally have a small talk about politics—a topic that you're uncomfortable talking about even with your circle. Other conversations include your favourite music, favourite season of the year, favourite books, favourite country/-ies. You argue with Daniel a lot this time around unlike the last you're here with him. And as much as you bicker with Daniel, there are also a lot of laughs.

            Daniel has yet to improve his grip and his movement. So like last time you were here, it takes you two dessert until Daniel finishes with his food. Not like you're complaining. You're probably the only person in the room to feel proud of him because he flicked the menu book by himself to order something that might taste interesting to his tastebud.

            "Anyway," you say after dinner, "should we keep this relationship professional?"

            As soon as that question slips out of your mouth, you can feel regret creeping inside you. One that is so huge that you know you won't be getting any sleep tonight especially when you see how Daniel's face falls with your suggestion.

            Your heart sinks. You don't know why, but you have a feeling that Daniel doesn't like your condition either. He's looking everywhere, but you as he gives you a hesitant nod. You feel light-headed. Maybe it's the wine. The coaching hasn't started yet but you already didn't like this arrangement. Suddenly, you wonder if this was the right decision for Adam.

            You send Daniel back to his apartment before driving yourself back to your house. The house that you once shared with Luke not far from Hampton's Go-kart Circuit. Everything is still right where it used be three years ago. You haven't moved a single thing except for his old belongings and clothes that you donated to an organisation for charity. But even without his possessions, the house still reminds you of him.

            Like how he would be at the kitchen cooking if he's not at work; how he loved to plant his own vegetables and herbs at the backyard; how his cooking would always be extra delicious when he uses the vegetables that he planted himself instead of buying them at the supermarket. You missed seeing the smile on his face every time he found out that his try-out of a new recipe was a successful.

            Sometimes, when you take a seat the kitchen bar to write, you still hope that Luke would come in through the back door with a handful of herbs and veggies for lunch. It has been three years and you are wrong to still hope for that.