My Life In Poetry

R.I.P

To Maddie,

I'm sorry I couldn't save you.
I tried, but you wouldn't listen.
It took a lot for me to tell you those things.
It took a lot for me to realise how stupid I was being.
For your mind was made up,
You would do it either ways
I couldn't stop you if I gave my life.
You're in a better place now,
You're safe from those people who made you do this.
You're with your sister,
That's all that matters...
You're better now.

To Maddie's mum,

I haven't heard a lot about you,
But from what Maddie's told me, you've been through a lot.
With her sister,
Now her.
Sorry if this makes you depressed,
But it's what I'm praying,
It's for the best.
She's better now,
Happier and comfortable.
She can be herself,
no one can change her anymore.
If you care,
You'll be upset.
I sure know I am.
Maddie told me I would be better without her,
Told me we all would.
But I don't think that's true.
I miss her too much for how close we were,
And I feel I'm partly to blame.
You see,
I didn't try hard enough.
That's what I think.
But who knows, right?
At least Maddie's better now.
She's in a better place.

To Amanda,

I'm not angry at you,
I just think you were stupid to let her go.
I know that you said you wanted to be friends,
But she needed more than that.
Because at the end of the day,
She was living for you.
She said,
'I put Amanda before everyone, my friends hated me for that'
And I believe her,
It's just I don't see why you let her go,
She's smart, funny and talented.
Unique, selfless and beautiful.
Her personality?
Where do I start..
Maddie was amazing,
I don't understand how no one saw that.
She was a great listener,
A great story teller,
And a great person.
She was the nicest person I've ever met.

And yeah, Maddie had a problem.
So did I.
But the difference is I'm still here,
And Maddie stopped me from doing it.
She was there for me,
And I tried for her but it didn't work.
She wouldn't listen.
But I'm glad she got away from you.
Because you caused her so much pain.
She loved you to a level I've never seen before,
The compliments through the complaints,
The way she spoke positively of you,
Just to describe you she had to take a minute,
Because you were so important to her.
You broke her heart,
And I don't understand why.

To Maddie's friends,

Hi.
This isn't right.
You know it.
She put Amanda before you guys,
But she needed people like you.
She had no support, she said.
No safety net.
Just the hard ground below,
And the traumatising fall toward it.

She had a limited time,
And she needed an extension.
I helped to extend it,
By four months.
Saying that,
It's not a lot.
The only reassurance I get is;
'Well at least you held it off for a while'
That's all they can say to me when I feel like a failure.

They talk about her like she was a burning piece of paper,
Never going to be put out and depending on the wind,
Could be gone within seconds.
The bullies were the wind.
They pushed and pushed and pushed..
But I was too late.
She took the pills.
And I want you to know,
She spoke highly of you.
Said it was her fault that you weren't friends anymore.
Blamed herself for having no safety net.
Because,
'I hurt everyone close to me'
She says.
'I put Amanda before them all and now they hate me'
I try to reassure her, but it's no use.
The safety net had a hole in it.
No matter how much we tried to fix it, someone came and ripped it even more.

Now I feel like a failure,
But she's better now.

Hi.

To the bullies,

How can you live with yourselves?
After doing this to her,
Not knowing who she was or what had happened.
You continued to push, and push
Until she fell apart.

She was unique,
Better than all of you put together.
You know,
You're to blame.
You killed her.
You drove her to it.
She could've lived.
But no, she survived until now.
Surviving is no way to go about life.
We should live.
And Maddie of all people deserved her shot at life,
But you took it away.
YOU.

Your unkind comments and dirty looks,
The coughs, giggles and everything else.
That's why she did it.
I don't know how you can live with yourselves.
YOU KILLED HER.
Read it again, I said YOU.
You out there who bullied her continually.
I HATE YOU.
YOU TOOK AWAY HER LIFE.
IT WASNT YOURS TO TAKE.
YOU SELFISH,
HORRIBLE PEOPLE.

I wouldn't even be able to look at you,
If you were standing here now.
I'd say
Look what you've done. LOOK.
And point to her mourning family. Because Maddie was special.
She was smart, friendly, and selfless.
She put others before herself.
That's a quality you rarely find.
But it's gone.
You killed her.
How can you live with yourselves?