Last for Love

S P O I L E R

S P O I L E R

I hide the mails in the apron hoping nobody noticed them. The restaurant is very busy at lunch time and I can't wait for my break.

After two long hours, I took the mails that I stuffed in my locker and head at the backyard of the restaurant where I work here in the south of France.

As I open each envelope, I found out that the letters were not for me, they were the letters I sent to him. His wife send them back to me including the stamped envelopes even the ones I sent from Hong Kong.

Five years ago, I was working as a sous-chef in a restaurant in Hong Kong Kowloon. I was on training to become a head chef and my seniors were very proud and happy with my performance. They believed that I am the one who can take down the stars. I was soaring and I am on the top of my game.

It was a rainy Friday night and the subway was almost quiet. I walked slowly so I won't slip on the floors and I bumped into someone that I know from the past. He looked lost, and he didn't notice me. But me, I will never be mistaken. He is the boy that I was in love with when I was in high school. I introduced myself and he was reminded. He was shocked on how I changed, my hair, my reflection, the way I dress and my personality. WE had coffee in the nearest Starbucks and catch up and I was filled with the bittersweet memories of our past especially of him during high school.

He was a senior when I arrived to the school campus. He was an artist and he was very smart. I had a huge crush on him even if my friends are telling me that he looked weak and nerdy. For me, he was the only one who exists and I was really crazy over him. I did everything for him to notice me. I joined a lot of extracurricular activities, some of them he was involved too. And I begged for his exclusive attention but he was in love with someone else. He never noticed me, but I know he was not naïve and he knew from the start my feelings for him. He was more mature now. He has build up some small but firm biceps, standing taller and he wears glasses. He told me he is a pharmacist and that He is there for training in Bayer.

I lead him back to his hotel but our meeting didn't end up just like that. One coffee lead to another. And we spent two lovely days around Hong Kong together. We spent a lovely dinner at a very nice restaurant by the beach in Gold Coast and walk hand in hand under the starry night and the wind was chilly. He warmed me with his embrace and I feel his chest very close to mine. The world stopped and all I can hear was the beating of his heart. We visited Lantau Island and took pictures like we were on our honeymoon. We kissed by the Victoria peek and we made love passionately at his hotel room. I wish that time will just freeze and we will be completely lost in that moment.

I was the happiest woman on earth because the boy that I longed for came to me as a man and that nothing could steal that time from me. He was all for me.

Few months passed and I was busy with my career. I sent him few letters with my kiss sealed on each of them. And I had invited him to come again but he didn't answer me back. I called him and it was his mother who answered the phone. His mother has been very cruel from the start to me. She said I should just let him go because he has a girlfriend and they have plans already.

I can't let the Mechelin offer out my door so I moved to France and I got news that he married his girlfriend from another place. I was broken and shattered upon hearing it. And I hated him for that. I concentrated on my work and made a name for myself but I have never had another lover since I saw him five years ago in Hong Kong. I can't seem to move on from his shadow and he is still in my dreams from time to time.

I noticed that there is another letter in a different penmanship and it was addressed to me, it written in very neat small scribbled letters and I can hear myself loud.

Dear Christine,

I found your letters. They were placed in a box that he kept hidden for some time now. I think you know which one I am talking about because it is painted with an ice cream vendor under the rain and it has your name written on it. He is ill. And he is lying in the hospital bed right now.

My tears fell and I remember the small painting that is a size of a 4x4 photo paper that he did when we spent time at his hotel. He still has his color pencil with him all the time and he painted a very familiar ice cream vendor. Like those in the Philippines with their ice cream card and it was raining in the portrait he painted. He played with the colors and there were shades of pale grey, shadows of pink and purple and a man soaking wet under his hat scooping ice cream to a woman with a huge stripped umbrella. And he wrote at the bottom. To Cristina and her beautiful eyes. With love, Raul. I continued to reading the letter. I didn't mind the scent of the Lilac and the bushes are now starting to grow.

We are scheduled for operation as soon as we will receive the news from the donor. We were so lucky to have found a match and that the donor chooses him to take his heart when she will leave the world. Our donor is a cancer patient and she is hopeless for cure but she want to go on with her life, in another person. Maybe you didn't know that he stopped working for three years now, since his heart was failing and that he was really weak, he stopped working. Our savings drained and our hospital bills summed up. I know that you love him and I know for sure that he loved you too. But as his wife who loves him most, I begged for you to help him live. We can't afford the transplant and we need your help. Please help him go on, and I will do the thing that I should have done since a long time ago and that's giving him back to you. I know he was not mine to keep. Because deep inside, he loves you.

Jessica

I found myself on the plane that very day and even with jetlag, I went to the hospital where the love of my life was lying. He has tubes stuck in his chest and that he is weak and very pale. His profile changed from sturdy to weary but I can still see the face of the man I love for as long as I felt love. I have never loved anyone else. I think for the longest time in my life, I have waited for him. For him to be free, I even waited for him to leave his wife and runaway with me.

I wept holding his hand in his hospital bed, and his wife was standing next to me. She was crying too.

I went to the hospital chapel and prayed to God for him to spare the life of my love. His wife entered the chapel and spoke silently to me. She held my hand and told me that she is willing to leave and let him go with me. In return, that I would give him all my love and devotion. There are two kids who followed his wife and I knew right there that they were his children because the girl looks exactly likes him.

I stayed alone in the hospital chapel for hours and I came back to the ICU with a hospital gown covered my clothes. He was awake and he was looking at me. He can't spoke but he smiled as soon as he saw me. I hold his hand, and he peek at the window where there was his wife and his children and he let go his hold at me. Tears fell in his eyes and he was still looking at his wife and children. And I realized that the love of my life is no longer for me.

I cried in silence and head back to my hotel where I stayed. I took a trip to the nearest beach and reminisce the night that I was holding his hands, the night that he was mine and closed my eyes in acceptance that he is never going to be mine anymore.

I decided to go back to France the very next day but I went to see my first love for the last time. He was asleep and I can hear his heavy breathing in the tubes. I kissed his cheek goodbye but I believe he did not noticed and I left the envelope beside his bed and the check with the amount they needed for the surgery. And I wrote.

Dear Jessica,

I loved him most of my life, so I will help him to live so that he can be with you and your children. Please give him all the love that I can't. And let him know that no matter what had happened. I'm thankful for that chance. Thank you for letting me see him again, and to get the closure that I have been waiting for.

I will now move on with my life.

Christine