Best friends sister (Lexie x reader)

You never answered my question

Y/n pov

The water is cold as i put my hands under the water in the scrub room. I'm not even sure it's supposed to be that cold. Or maybe i'm just sweating and that makes it feel colder. Derek is next to me, drying his hands and forearms.

"Good job" he says, patting on my shoulder. I don't answer it, only with a small smile. But before he walks out, i take to word.

"Thanks" his gaze is questioning. "For standing up for us in there. I know it's not much, but it still means a lot"

"You see, Y/n, you might not like me. But Meredith loves you, which makes you a priority for me as well. If you got hurt anyhow on my watch, she would kill me" it's the first time in a very long time that he's said my name.

"Still, thank you, Derek" i turn off the water and grab a towel to dry my own forearms. I said his name as well. I guess one could call it a symbol, progress. So i decide to continue on my stride to that. "Maybe we could get that drink"

"That would be great" he says, existed to have broken through my exterior. But really, the thing i'll only admit to myself, it was Mark who persuaded me to give him a chance. Not with those exact words. But by making me think about why me and Meredith are so close.

"Don't get too existed, it's only a drink"

"But it's a start, you're warming up to me" the smile is still on his lips. And i see the reason why we call him McDreamy. And i actually don't want to change my mind about that, which he can see in my face as i smile back at him. He leaves at the same time as Mark comes in through the other door, ready to scrub out and continue his day. I'm sure he has a lot to do.

"Sorry, about Dani" i say before i get the chance to stop myself. "I've been told she's like that, guess i believe it now" and now i see why Lexie hates her. But they're not that different from my year either. Dani could be Alex, Lexie could be a mix between Mer and Izzie, Murphy had been like George and Newton is like a mixture of me and Izzie. The only one they miss is a Christina, which might be good.

"It's okay, everyone thought it before. It's not that weird" but i can sense that there is a question he wants to ask me. Something he heard them say that made him think. Which means that not only was my head full of the wrong things, but his as well. Two our of three, great odds. Really not though.

"What?" i ask as i realise he had been staring.

"Why did you date me?" he asks with an uncertain smile. And i so just want to walk straight out. But he's standing between me and the door. "I mean, i'm not your type. But i guess you did date Meredith, so maybe i am sort of. Until i meet Alice"

"Yeah, right" i breath out. "I went out with you because i wanted to prove people wrong, that you were different" my words hurt him, i know. They hurt me as well, knowing that is the reason i said yes when he had asked. "But i dated you because i started to realise what an amazing person you are. Everyone makes mistakes Mark, some bigger than others. But we're only human"

"Right, makes sense." he says and i want to tell him everything. Everything new as well as old. But i don't want him to hate me. I may not love him like he'd wanted me to, but i don't think i'll stop loving him. Stop needing him in my life, as he was such a big part of it for a few months. Not a long time, but it felt like an eternity. "You never answered my question, before"

"I did, i said..." but he cuts me off. Because we both know that my answer wasn't a real answer. And then i had just left.

"Yeah i know what you said, but you never explained. What happened between you and Meredith?"

"A lot of things Mark, we've known each other for a long time"

"It was when she drowned, wasn't it?" he makes a assumption. It's not that far off. "It can't have been the car accident, you two were like this before"

"There was an incident while we were still in med-school. I'm not saying who it was. But we realised that we weren't gonna survive without each other. Call it a lifeline, the strongest one of them that can't be cut by any scissors, only by fate" i admit it. Out loud. A part of the truth.

"You don't believe in fate"

"Makes it even better, right?" the smile on my lips don't match my sad tone. "But it's not really something i want to talk about, okay"

"Okay" he repeats, but i can see in his face that he wants to know. That he's trying to figure it all out on his own. The door opens to reveal Lexie and Newton, waiting for me to give them an assignment. So i take that opportunity to walk past the thinking Mark Sloan, to walk out the door. But as i pass he grabs my arm to make me stop. Forcing me to meet his gaze. "Was it you?" realisation hits his eyes but i don't say anything. It's not until i realise how ragged my breath had become that i get how he had gotten my answer. It doesn't even slow down as he lets me go in shock and i walk out. Having the two woman fall in line behind me. I have a feeling they asked about it, both of them, and that i didn't give them an answer. Just sent them away to check on patients and page me if they need something. It doesn't slow down, my heart is racing. It's been years, i've moved one, i don't think about it anymore. Still i have the feeling of something clogging my throat as i lean back towards a hard wall. I don't know where, i don't know who's watching, i just can't breath.