stage fright

Stage Fright - One Shot

"Frank, are you ready? The show starts in 10 minutes" mikey yells at me from across the room.
       "Yeah I'll be ready" I reply
        My palms are sweaty, I'm always nervous before shows. What if.. what if gerard does it again? What if they find out.           
       Sometimes gerard forgets we're in public and he does something dumb, I don't think he really cares but I don't think he realizes what could happen if everyone found out.
        Gerard see's me, he can tell I'm scared, he can always tell.
       "Hey baby are you okay?" He asks sweetly, putting his hand on my back.
       "Yeah..I'm just scared I think." I say looking down.
       "Frankie..you know no one will find out, I already promised I wouldn't kiss you again on stage, you know I'm sorry." He says reassuringly
       "You don't understand gee, you don't even know how scared I am all the time. If they found out can you imagine what that would do to the band?" I say, I look into his eyes hopelessly
        "Baby you know our fans, no one would think any differently of us" he says, putting his head on my shoulder.
        "You don't know that for sure." I say quietly.
        Before gerard could answer mikey yells again from across the room
        "Two minutes, love birds!"
       Gee leans in and kisses me Before getting up and heading for the door. I'm alone, again.

       "Hello Denver!" I hear gerard scream at the crowd, there are so many people.
I love our fans and I don't ever want to do anything else, but sometimes the stage feels so lonely even with thousands of people.
        Gee turns to me and smiles sweetly before starting Summertime, before he starts that song he always goes on some rant about his "wife" lyn-z. Everytime I hear that speech a part of me breaks, I know it's fake but if it's fake why does it sound so real.
       Don't even get me started on prison, he rarely plays the song live because he knows how I feel but sometimes he does and everytime he sings it I'm forced to listen to three minutes of my boyfriend talking about fucking his ex boyfriend, it is torture.
      Gee looks at me again. Fuck, I love him. Fuck, I'm blushing. He starts to walk over to me, fuck, please don't kiss me.
      Even though I don't want him to kiss me, deep down I think I wish he would. He comes closer, my heart is racing, I can almost feel it beating out of my chest.
      Fuck.
      I can't take it, without thinking I close my eyes and lean in.
     Fuck.
     I kissed him.
     He pulls away and smiles, i don't think he expected it because he looks startled, I'm bright red.
     The crowd goes quiet. I wonder if they can hear my heart beating, I know I can.
     Suddenly the crowd roars and gee starts to sing demolition lovers from our first album. I want to feel bad about but I can't help but just feel all mushy inside, he makes me feel mushy inside.

     The show finally ends after what feels like eternity and gee immediately comes and finds me backstage.
     "Hey beautiful" gee says smiling.
     "Hey" I giggle.
     "Sooo..that was nice" his smile grows bigger and he's a light shade of pink.
     "Yeah, I think the show went really well" I try to sound as nonchalant as possible.
     Gerard smiles and pushes me against the wall with one hand, he kisses me hard.
     My stomach swarms with butterflies as he touches my waist, I don't even care that ray is in the next room and could walk in at any moment.
     Gee pulls away and looks at me sweetly.
     "I love you" he looks into my eyes and his words stab my heart like little knives.
     "I love you too" I say back smiling shyly.
      I think I could be like this forever, just me and him. I love him more than anything else on this world, i just wish I wasn't so scared all the time.