Love Me Now (Incomplete & On Hold)

Starting New

It took a couple weeks for the papers to be finalized so the house could be sold, it took me longer to pack my things with a few of my ribs being broken from the hit I took in the game. People from school, my closest friends, and even my girlfriend messaged me to see if I was alright. When I got released from the hospital, I became a recluse and I felt like talking to no one but my family. I didn't want to tell anyone I was basically dying if I didn't get a cure, a bone marrow match. Which could take, god knows how long. But for now, chemotherapy was the path we were to start treating the cancer.

Two parts of the chemo I hated was losing of the hair and fatigue. Coming from an athletic guy, who was used to running and lifting things without getting winded. I hated getting that feeling, it sucked. I couldn't walk up the stairs in the house without having to grab the railing, just to catch my breathe. Sometimes, I didn't have it and it was a relief. The hair loss sucked, I liked my hair. I was getting used to wearing beanies, long sleeve shirts, and sweats to keep myself warm. Looking ridiculous wasn't the plan and I didn't give a care, I stopped soon as I accepted I was going to die.

I know it's a negative way to think and a person in my position should be hopeful for a cure, or help. But not me. I wasn't willing to be someone's pity case. I wanted things to be on my terms and even my parents knew that, they accepted it when we planned to move. It's why I'm starting new in a new town, in a new school, and with a fresh start as to who I was. I was ready for this. No one knew about the cancer, I was a new kid. This is what I wanted, to be able to start over since I was given the chance.

A couple weeks before school started, my parent helped me buy school supplies during one of my chemo sessions. It helped, I was usually exhausted after each session. That and nauseated, very nauseated. I would spend the rest of the bed sleeping and only waking up to throw up in a trashcan beside the bed. But when they got my supplies and showed me the next day, apart of me felt happy. Then, the feeling of sadness set in. I would miss them, the feeling of having support and care from them. I moved to hug them, which surprised them the most. But it mostly surprised them the most when I spoke softly," I love you, so much. I love you, you guys." They embraced me and I felt a small weight lift from my shoulders, and I smiled genuinely for the first time since the news.

Time has come. First day of school. I sat in the car, my weary gaze rested on the building. Watching the kids roam around outside as they talked and laughed, like everything was normal. It was for them, just not for me. Not yet, anyways. My parents watched me with a worried look, like I was about to panic. I wasn't, just mentally preparing myself for this moment. It was something I wanted and it didn't change in a single second. I moved to hug them before easing out of the vehicle, stepping out onto the concrete before the school. I moved to walk inside to head inside towards the principle's office. I could feel gazes on me as I entered the front doors of the school and I felt a grin form on my lips. This was a good idea, oh god it is.