Irresistible Desire

"Please Wait"

I close the door behind me and lean against the wood, panting, aching, wanting with all my heart to call him back here.

I've never done an impulsive thing in my life.

It's about time to change that.

I yank the door open and stick my head out into the hallway, just in time to see Jacob press the call button for the elevator.

"Jacob, wait." I yell. He turns around and I can't stop looking at his lips. His eyes are so warm; he looks up at me and I want nothing more than to pull him in my arms and kiss him again, harder this time. My breath catches in my throat as he raises one hand and touches the side of his face. The skin there is hot beneath his fingertips but I don't move away, doesn't even blink or look away.
The light overhead flicks on, illuminating both of us.
He's looking at me through heavy lids; I know it must hurt him too to keep watching me like this.
When we're not in each other's sight, no matter how long we're apart, I always have some kind of excuse to look at him. It might be because he reminds me how beautiful I am, but maybe he just makes me feel alive again, like he did when we were young. Like he does when he kisses me.
There's something different tonight though.He stills and whips his head toward me.

"Don't go."

He marches back to me and gazes down into my face with bright green eyes. "What's wrong, darling?"

"I don't want you to leave," I whisper, and watch his lips as he licks them.

"What do you want?"

I find his gaze with mine and simply say, "You."

"Invite me in, please."

"Another one of those gentlemanly things?" I ask softly.

"Grace, I'm on a very precarious ledge right now."

"Won't you come in?" I step back and open the door wide. He steps past me into the apartment without waiting for an invitation to follow.
This feels too much like coming home. And I don't want it to end.
I shut the door behind me and start walking up the hallway toward our bedroom, trying to figure out what I'll tell Jacob once he gets inside.
"Wait."
He stops me before I get to our room.
I tilt my head curiously at him. "Are you okay?"
He reaches for my face with tender hands and cups it gently between them. Then he leans down and presses his lips firmly against mine.
He breaks off and rests his forehead against mine, staring deeply into my eyes. My hands clutch the front of his shirt, desperate for him to hold me close. But he doesn't. Not yet, anyway.
"Why didn't you tell me you wanted me so badly?"
His words take me aback. How could he possibly know what I was thinking, what I was feeling? Did my thoughts reflect so plainly on my face? Did he see through me the way I do with every person I meet? How much did he read in my mind during our little game of charades?
My heart starts racing and my lungs constrict.
"No..." I manage to croak out, my voice shaky. "How did you-?"
He pulls away from me and grabs me by the wrist, dragging me down the hall until we reach our bedroom. We sit on the bed together, facing each other, my body pressed flush against his. He runs his fingers through my hair and traces circles across the top of my palm with his thumb.
"You think you can hide everything from me, Grace, but I'm not stupid. You make it really hard sometimes." He laughs lightly and brings my hand up to his mouth so that he can press gentle kisses all over my knuckles. "But there was something in your eyes that night when you first walked through the door... It was like you were afraid you were being played. What is it, Grace? Tell me."
"What is it?" I echo, my tone incredulous. Was I really that easy to read, after all these years?

"What has been going on in that pretty head of yours since you first got here, huh? Tell me, baby girl."
He's staring intensely into my eyes again, and I can tell he means it. So, I try to answer truthfully. "I'm worried about you," I finally admit. "Because I care about you. More than anyone in the world," I add quickly to appease his fears.
A look of shock passes across his handsome face. It's then, for the first time, I notice the dark circles under his eyes.
His brow furrows. "And why would that concern you?"
I shrug, suddenly realizing how silly I sounded. Of course, he wouldn't understand what I mean-we'd barely known each other for six months. Six months! A month ago, Jacob was someone I barely knew.
So, of course, that meant nothing.
We'd spent weeks pretending to date. Weeks acting lovey dovey while in reality, we were only friends. Even if I couldn't forget how Jacob made me feel when we kissed and held hands. How he'd looked at me through half closed eyelashes, as though I'd been the most wonderful treasure in his entire world. As though he hadn't thought twice about giving up everything he was and all he had to protect it.
And here I was, wasting his time, and my own feelings, by playing along with his games. It's only natural that I'd wonder if he'd given up everything that he'd ever loved to protect me, to keep me safe. He probably felt the exact same way. Maybe more.
"You have the most beautiful eyes, Gracie."
A strange lump rises in my throat. I swallow, clearing it away.
He moves closer to me, his eyes still locked onto mine. There's something almost desperate and vulnerable about the way they search my face.
Suddenly, he's kissing me. It's not anything new, but the way he does it this time feels different somehow. Different enough to send my heart pounding. I've dreamed about this moment countless times, but it seems impossible. It feels like a dream. I have no idea what to do with myself now.
"I don't know where we are, Gracie, but I need you to listen to me, sweetheart." He speaks quietly, carefully. He strokes my cheek with his hand. "Whatever happens next between us, I need you to understand that you're the only one for me. Okay? I don't give a shit who knows about us or how they saw us tonight, or what they say, what they do. Just as long as they stay away from you."
The tears sting my eyes and I nod, unable to speak.
"And I need you to promise me something else as well."
I bite the inside of my lip and nod again. "Yeah?"
"Please don't run from me. No matter what. I've seen the pain that's been in your eyes whenever we're separated, so I know that it hurts. Don't push me away, either. If you choose to walk away, I will never stop hoping. Ever."
I'm overwhelmed by emotion.