the choice • charlie conway

chapter twenty nine

sadie

I think I messed up pretty badly.

When I got the idea to tell Charlie about Miles, I wanted to explain how Miles would never compare to him. I definitely didn't expect him to cut me off in the middle of talking by skating away, which denied me any chance of clarifying what I meant by "I met someone."

After he skates away from me, I make myself busy by congratulating a bunch of the other Ducks while I stay glued to Morgan's side. Ella and I are still on rocky terms, so I'm trying to give her space. I guess she took it harder than I thought when I blew up at her for trying to help me after Charlie forgot our anniversary.

The celebratory party is at Adam's house, like usual. We decide in our "Hockey Girlfriends" group chat to just stay in these same outfits for the party, because it'd be too much work to change completely. Besides, it's freezing out and this huge jacket with my sweatshirt underneath is keeping me very warm.

Ella ends up inviting all of us to spend the night, and obviously everyone agrees to it. Marie and Michael Walker always open up their house for anyone, and are always there to help Ella, Tyler, and their friends. Whenever we go out, they always agree to let us sleep everything off at their place, because they know that some parents aren't as forgiving when it comes to partying.

Ella also tells us that Adam said we could be at his house an hour before everyone else, so we show up at eight instead of nine. I grab a drink out of the backpack that Ella filled, which she brought to share with me and Morgan, and we sit with most of the other girls on Adam's ridiculously fancy lounge chairs that are next to his pool.

Soon, everyone starts to disappear one by one. As I'm about to open my third drink, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around, feeling badly about doing this when Lily is in the middle of talking. I see Charlie standing above me, and he looks nervous. "Hey. Can we talk?"

"Sure." I reply, standing up and grabbing my drink. I flash an apologetic glance to Lily and Justine, who smile at me and nod to show that they're not mad at all.

I let Charlie take me upstairs to the same guest room where we were just a few weeks ago, and then join him on the bed. Agonizing seconds of complete silence go by, and I finally decide enough is enough. "So... what's up?"

He shrugs and looks down at the floor. "Not sure. What's up with you and that guy?"

I sigh and cross my arms. "He's nobody Charlie, believe me."

"Why did you feel the need to tell me about him then?" Charlie challenges. I hate to admit it, but he's right. Why have I gotten myself so worked up over some guy who means absolutely nothing to me?

I don't answer for a second, but I finally find my confidence and I'm able to look at him. "I met him at some party that I went to the night before Thanksgiving. He approached me after my cousin left me alone to go make out with some random guy, and we just started talking. I had already called my dad to come get me, because I hated it there and wanted to go home. He offered to walk me to the front and waited with me until my dad came. Right before my dad got there, he tried to kiss me and I shut him down. He's been texting me nonstop, and I felt like I should tell you because I don't want you to not trust me or think I did something bad. I would never do that to you."

I can see all of the emotions he's feeling in his eyes, and how he's trying to process everything that I just said. I also feel my eyes start to water, so I blink quickly and look away.

I feel ashamed in myself. I should've never let Miles get that close, or better yet, I shouldn't have even talked to him in the first place. That way, none of this would've happened.

"I'm not mad at you." Charlie says quietly, and the tears from my eyes start to spill out. I turn away from him completely and cover my face with my hands, allowing myself to cry. When I feel Charlie's comforting hand on my shoulder, I lose it completely.

"Don't cry Sade, please." he whispers. I hear his own voice crack, almost like he's going to cry himself. "I promise I'm not mad at you. You did nothing to make me mad. You're doing the right thing by telling me."

"Then why do I feel so awful about it?" I'm able to choke out.

"You shouldn't. It's my fault you feel like this." Charlie whispers as I'm still bawling my eyes out. "I'm sorry Sadie. I know I've been a terrible boyfriend to you, which you don't deserve at all. I was just trying to give you the space you needed after I forgot our anniversary."

"I appreciated it, believe me. I really did." I respond with a sniffle. "I wasn't mad at you anymore after a few weeks, but you kept avoiding me and I thought you wanted nothing to do with me." My voice cracks again. "I thought you didn't love me anymore."

I watch as the tears start to roll down his cheeks as he leans forward and hugs me, pulling me as close to him as he possibly can. "I could never not love you."

We stay in this embrace for a while. I don't know how long passes, but I could stay here forever. I don't want to let go.

When we finally break apart, I wipe the tears from under my eyes and start to play with my necklace. "I think I need some time alone for a bit, just to figure everything out."

Charlie's eyes start to tear up again, so I grab his hand and squeeze it tight. "I'm not breaking up with you Charlie, don't worry. I just need to clear my head from everything that's happened with us recently. I hope you don't mind."

A single tear falls down his cheek, and he reaches out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Don't worry about me Sade, take your time. I'll be waiting for you and I promise to be better to you when you decide that everything is good again."

I lean in and softly kiss him, feeling as he melts into the sensation. I pull away after a few seconds and lean into him, laying my head on his chest. He wraps his strong arms around me, holding me tight as we sit together in the silence.