Just Another Secret.

Chapter 43

Kahlil

I couldn't sleep.

Usually when I can't sleep, I swim.

So I decided to take my chance. I started with stretches, water and weight training, then I did laps with a backstroke without the turn. I made sure that my head was always above the water.

When I get back into the house Dad is walking down the stairs.

"Can we chat, before you go to school?"

I nod and we head up to my room.

"I want to clarify what I said the other day about your relationship—"

"Dad, I get it. I just get really defensive sometimes."

"Your Mom told me that you felt like at times I wasn't going to come back?" He avoids my gaze.

"Well when you and her are arguing in the middle of the night it seems more and more likely."

"People argue in relationships. It's a given. But can't you see how much I adore her?"

"When you are together yeah. But you don't get to see how she is when you are gone. You don't see how much calmer she is when you are here. You don't see the way her eyes have more life to them when you are here. How much it hurts me to watch that light die every time we take you back to the airport. You get to hear the happiness in her voice when I see the emotions of joy to fear everyday. I know I say a lot about me, but Mom lost a lot. She doesn't say it but I know she slightly hates a part of you for moving and constantly tries convincing herself and everyone around her that it's fine because you did it for us."

"You are good at taking a you situation and making it about anyone other than you. I know how your Mom feels. Over the last six years I've constantly asked her if she would like me to come back. She declined, so, I stayed where I was. Now, I want you to tell me everything you don't like about me."

"That doesn't sound healthy."

"I am a doctor who gets yelled at by a ton of old women because I am apparently saving their lives wrong. I guess the nine years of school, the five years of residency and all these years actually practicing were for nothing. Now I want you to speak your mind."

I shake my head. "This is stupid."

"It may be. But I can't live not knowing your true thoughts of me. I cannot welcome you in my home and live like everything is fine when it clearly isn't. Kahlil, I'm trying to make things better. I try to give you everything you desire and I don't know what to do anymore."

"I don't want to hurt your feelings but I don't see you as my parent. Like I know you're my dad, but when you try and parent me or discipline me it rubs me the wrong way because you aren't physically here. It literally just makes me want to rebel. I like hanging out with you. Chatting with you but the whole authoritative dynamic won't work and it especially won't work when I'll be 18. You cannot view me as a five year old. You are right time to time, but your delivery is wrong.

"I would love to live with you but tell me your rules like a roommate. Tell me you don't want me to be loud after nine. Tell me I could only do laundry on the weekends. Don't tell me what's a given. Let's come to an understanding. I know you wash the dishes before you eat. I wash dishes after I eat. You run your life like a soldier. Everyday you wake at 0400, brush your teeth and either go for go for a walk or push ups. Don't expect me to do that please. I know I thought it was cool as a kid but I value my sleep."

"You are aware it's currently six in the morning?"

"Okay, I couldn't sleep. That's why I'm up. Anyways. I'm not coming home after school. I'm taking Keisha out after her doc appointment."