Fate-in time

89

Lying on her bedroll in a tent that Natalie had reserved for her and Shirou's use, Arturia sighed feeling as if time was moving at a crawl. Honestly, it wasn't really anyone's fault, but the current role she was playing didn't require active involvement at the moment especially when it concerned the politics of the Saxons.
S

he hadn't seen Natalie in the past few days, nor had she been called into any more war meetings ever since the fighting stopped.
The Valkyrie and leader of the unit Gunhildr had been put on standby the moment Natalie's uncle offered a consensus for peace talks to decide the sole ruler of the Saxons. Edgar, a prominent leader of the Saxons had suggested that it could be a trap to draw Natalie out, but Gale insisted that Horsa was different from Hengist and advised Natalie to consider the proposal. The other members of the Saxon coalition under Natalie bickered over the topic, yet they all agreed on a single consensus.
If the proposal by Horsa could be trusted, then Saxon causalities would be reduced to a minimum. This was the deciding factor for Natalie who insisted on a meeting with her uncle in the town of Cambridge in the Saxon controlled Anglia region. Everyone had been on the march to Cambridge ever since, but several of the Saxon commanders under Natalie's employ remained skeptical.
Cambridge was one of the settlements Horsa controlled with a military detachment stationed in a fortified barracks nearby. The crowded buildings and large civilian crowds were the perfect places to hide would-be assailants for an ambush of some sort, yet Natalie remained firm in her decision.
Presently, the group had broken for camp a day's march away from the designated town. As one of the most prominent strike teams composed of a congregation of Saxons from different commanders, the Gunhildr unit was granted special permission to escort Natalie. Hence, why Arturia found herself waiting in camp doing nothing rather than acting as a vanguard unit out in the field.
Blearily, she stretched a hand out in front of her as if grasping at something invisible. She couldn't help it; she was feeling particularly restless these days. There was a nagging feeling at the back of her mind constantly plaguing her with doubt. Most would call it a mother's intuition, but she was too inexperienced of a mother to act on it let alone identify it.
This was the same woman who took years to finally understand that it was okay to love another, to enjoy their warmth and company. Even then, she was still unskilled at expressing herself to the point that bouts of jealousy clouded her judgement every time anotherwoman tried to make a move on her man. She could never imagine herself having the guts to confront Shirou and say 'I'm the only woman you'll ever need, so pay attention only to me.' Instead, what comes out is a strained smile that for some reason always cowed Shirou into silence.
There was no way she could possibly decipher the meaning of her unease, but it grew day after day even after seeing the image of her children sleeping peacefully in their crib. They were always asleep when she'd see them as of late, almost as if she was staring at a still image which was odd considering Annabel was an energetic girl. Still, they were babies and Sir Ector had mentioned more than once that they required a lot more sleep compared to adults, so she hadn't made a fuss about it. After all, the small rise and fall of their chests was comforting in its own right.
She put the matter aside in her head. It was likely that she was just overthinking things again. Guinevere had mentioned something about 'mood swings' in early motherhood that she'd learned from her maids.
What an odd thing to say. She still couldn't wrap her mind around it especially when she considered how on guard Merlin had been around her as of late. The womanizer was acting as if any little thing could set her off which irritated her to no end especially when Bedivere was used as a shield and looked utterly terrified.
Merlin was one thing, but Bedivere? How could she explain Bedivere's trepidation if she didn't acknowledge that there may be some truth in Merlin's words?
Forget it.
She scoffed.
Slowly, she lowered her hand and sighed, feeling slightly put out. Honestly, she felt like she was just overthinking things, but sometimes she still felt the urge to handle everything on her own.
Part of marriage in and out of itself was learning what she could and couldn't rely on others for. Motherhood and her duties as Queen for example, weren't things that she was willing to give up despite her hardships and struggles. However, delegation of tasks, management, and responsibilities were things that she'd gradually come to rely on others for partly in thanks to Shirou's coaxing.
In truth, it was unfair of Shirou to suggest that the more duties she delegated to others, the more time she could spend being involved in the lives of her babies. Strong willed as she was, there was no denying the effectiveness this statement had on her. However, she was no fool, and had easily been able to 'persuade' Merlin into revealing to her that Shirou was taking up her responsibilities that others couldn't in her absence.
The thing about Shirou was that he never complained about taking more work as long as it was for her sake. As it would turn out, Merlin had been the one to point this fact out when she was going to confront Shirou about not treating her like a frail woman.
Merlin had asked her a simple question that got her to reconsider her stance.
"If you could make Shirou's life easier, would you do it? If so, what makes you think he wouldn't feel the same for you?"
Devious as Merlin was, there was no denying the Wizard's question, nor how warm those words made her feel. For the first time in a long time, she'd found herself at a loss for words against Merlin.
In terms of wisdom, the student had not yet surpassed the teacher.
She grudgingly acquiesced this point before sitting up on her bedroll to the sound of approaching footsteps.
"I'm back," Shirou called out from outside the tent, causing her expression to brighten.
"One moment," she called out before quickly changing out of her sleepwear and into a warm tunic with baggy trousers. Compared to the silk and fine leathers she was gifted for use as a Queen, she was far more used to common attire in her time growing up in Bristol. Besides, with Merlin's magic at work, it wasn't as if people would notice her preferences aside from Shirou who loved her all the same.
Moving to exit the tent, she pulled open the tent flap and stepped outside to see Shirou starting up a fire at the firepit surrounded by cobblestone. Near him were four pieces of hunted game that he'd already skinned and processed with remarkable efficiency. They were seasoned with 'black pepper' and other herbs Shirou had found in the surrounding woods. She knew now that such seasonings should only be consumed in small quantities rather then sneakily dipping her fingers into them and sampling them before cooking. She'd been quite an impatient child when it came to food now that she thought about it.
Shirou smiled at her when he noticed her approach.
"Would you rather have the chicken or the hare?" He said while skewering the meat and getting ready to roast them over the fire using an improvised spit of wood branches and twigs.
For a moment, it felt as if she was back in the past. A younger Shirou was cooking for her after a long day of training, and all she could do was stare as the food was made. Well, in truth, there was a little secret she'd never admitted. Rather than just stare at the food, her child self had also been staring at Shirou when she thought he wasn't looking and nervously trying to make herself look 'pretty' despite all the grease on her cheeks.
Before she knew it, Arturia found herself curling a lock of her hair around her index finger in embarrassment, a blush creeping up her face from her younger self's antics. Still, the past was different from the present. She straightened her back and faced Shirou head on now.
"The chicken," she answered modestly, stifling any eagerness from showing to display her most refined character.
Shirou hummed in acknowledgment and began his cooking in earnest.
The two sat in companionable silence. Small had grown big, and children had become husband and wife.
The heat from the flames surrounded the two while the savoury scent of cooking meat permeated out through the campsite. Natalie had arranged a private location for them at the top of the hill where the other tents were located, so the smell was readily apparent. Compared to the rations many soldiers and Knights brought to war, Shirou had opted to hunt to provide her with fresh meals despite her not asking him to.
The scent garnered the attention of the other soldiers, but no Saxon dared intrude lightly upon the space of the commander of Gunhildr and her famed husband. Therefore, they were forced to satiate their hunger on bread and pieces of dry and salted venison.
However, this didn't mean that a certain shameless few wouldn't approach.
"Mhm, what a nice smell," Kay leisurely walked up to the couple with a nervous Natalie hiding behind him.
Arturia's lip twitched at Kay's sudden arrival. The emergency army stationed from Camelot had adopted Saxon armours and integrated with the Gunhildr unit as planned. If things go wrong, then Kay and the Knights of Camelot would be nearby to support their King and Queen.
"Kay," Arturia's voice was clipped, a growl nearly escaping her as her elder brother shamelessly commandeered the first piece of chicken Shirou had just finished roasting for her.
"Don't mind if I do," Kay grinned, ignoring the death glare Arturia was leveling on him while licking the piece of chicken up and down. "What? You still want this one? Well, if you insist, then be my guest."
Kay offered the piece of chicken with his saliva on it. Arturia wasn't saying anything, but the unseen pressure around her was going apocalyptic enough for Natalie to squirm from behind Kay.
"…How nice of you to come." Arturia said flatly, the contours of her face frozen in a frigid monotone. "That was my chicken," she stated.
"What, you really still want it?" Kay approached Arturia, unbidden by her growing frustration and directly waved the piece of chicken in front of her face. Droplets of cooled grease accidently fell onto either side of Arturia's cheeks in the process, prompting Kay to sheepishly stop.
"Uhm, I didn't mean that to happen, but no problems. Your big brother was always good at cleaning up messes," Before Arturia could properly react, Kay used his fingers to rub the grease off of her cheeks only to smudge it further. "Ugh, ooops? Well, actually, this kind of reminds me of when you were younger. Right, Shirou?"
A vein had popped over Arturia's temples.
Shirou who was busy cooking the rest of the food looked up at Arturia's smeared cheeks and smiled wryly in reminiscence. This suggested that he agreed with Kay's sentiment, and that was the final straw.
"Kay," Arturia said darkly, unable to suppress her frustration. "You have ten seconds."
Kay blinked in confusion, glancing at Shirou for a clue about what Arturia meant.
"Nine. Eight," Arturia began counting down grimly.
"Sir Kay," Natalie pulled at Kay's sleeve. "I think we should leave…" she trailed off.
Kay grew perplexed, looking from Arturia then back to Natalie. "Nonsense, my little sister isn't so narrow sighted. It's just a little food and one mistake. Besides, she was the one who always hogged the food when we were younger so it's right to share. We're family. Family doesn't hurt family anyway. Right Arturia?"
"Seven. Six." Not a change occurred on Arturia's features. Oh she wouldn't 'hurt' family alright, but siblings knew best about how to get back at each other.
Kay sensed the change in Arturia and quickly realized the merit in Natalie's suggestion. He nodded gravely towards Shirou, and left after grabbing an extra kabob of meat for Natalie.
Arturia's stare never left Kay's form until he disappeared beyond the hill. He was lucky that he didn't test her patience any longer.
Sitting up, Arturia's anger and frustration melted when she felt a damp cloth wipe the grease off her cheeks and Shirou offering her a fresh piece of roast chicken.
"Don't hold it against Kay. He means well," Shirou grinned while sitting beside her.
"You mean to humiliate me?" Arturia scoffed while Shirou shook his head in mirth.
"Maybe he did a little, but really, you don't look as put off as you did before." Shirou kindled the flame in front of him with a stick, watching the rest of the hunted game slowly cook.
Now that Shirou mentioned it, Arturia realized that she'd likely been too cooped up recently from inaction. Kay's antics were intolerable, but only he knew exactly how to get under her skin and get a rise from her.
"Everyone has their own way of showing their support," Shirou spoke offhandedly. "Sometimes you may get the wrong impression, or even miss their sincerity, but something I've grown to learn in life is that even if they don't show it, people still care in their own ways. If this means calling you an idiot to your face, scorning your life choices, or coming over just to cook for a hopeless senior without asking them, then so be it."
Arturia stared at Shirou, his expression wistful. Based on the way he was speaking, it sounded less like a story he'd picked up, and more of a personal experience. In any case, those examples seemed oddly suspicious. As she'd been with him until their abrupt separation, the event must have happened in his time working as a nameless blacksmith…
She abruptly gnashed her teeth. Did this mean that a bunch of random women had hit on Shirou when she wasn't around? The thought made her grouchy. Still, she understood the central message Shirou was trying to convey and mellowed her tension out.
"I suppose I could go easy on Kay just this once," she relented while biting into her offered meal. The familiar taste that she'd forgotten in five years almost brought tears to her eyes from the bitter memories.
She fell silent, the only noise she made being the sound of her eating while her eyes slightly misted from nostalgia.
She'd never realized in her time as Queen and with Shirou's busy schedule, but this was the first time that it was just her and Shirou out travelling again on another adventure.
She'd missed this. She really had.
Gradually, she paused in her eating, something that Shirou was quick to notice as she'd made it clear by her actions that she carried a large appetite. If Shirou noticed a tear or two trickle down her cheek, he didn't say anything and simply continued to tend to the flame until she grunted and started eating again.
"Say, Arturia, I'm going to be gone after this for most of the afternoon," Shirou informed Arturia as soon as she finished up her meal.
She pursed her lips at the news as it meant another day of waiting on her own while marching. She was starting to feel stifled "What for?" She asked with a sigh.
"We're a day away from the meeting in Cambridge, so Natalie and the other Saxon commanders are hosting a meeting in regards to what happens in the case of conflict. I'm there because they plan to use my presence."
Arturia opened her mouth before Shirou raised a hand, seemingly knowing what she was going to say.
"You weren't invited because they wish for you to take command of the army around the settlement while a select few go in to meet with Horsa," Shirou explained, causing her to grimace. However, it wasn't as if she didn't understand.
Essentially, there was no point in her coming as she wouldn't be present during the meeting with Horsa. Still, it didn't mean that she had to like it.
"Is there any chance you can just skip the meeting?" Arturia mumbled. The suggestion was unbecoming of her character to suggest, yet they left her mouth before she could even realize what she was doing. She nibbled on her lower lip and peered up at Shirou, her eyes doleful with the thin hope that he'd say yes. "Can't you stay with me for just a bit longer?"
To his credit, Shirou didn't immediately answer despite how conflicted he looked. One side was his wife asking him to stay with her, and the other was a meeting to take a step forward towards the ending of the conflict with the Saxons. Knowing Shirou, any choice he made would always have her and their children's well being under consideration.
The fact that he was hesitating meant that both options were related to her or their children. Should peace come with the Saxons, their future and their children's future would be free from constant bloodshed. Yet, what man would ignore the request of his wife?
Shirou looked utterly undecided, prompting her to sigh.
"A joke," she said, watching him eye her sceptically. What, did he think she had no sense of humour? Then again, since when was the last time that she ever said a joke? She couldn't even name one instance. She shook her head. "Don't just think about me. The one thing I want as a mother is to secure the future for our children. So, go alright?"
"Fine," he said grudgingly, before wrapping his arms around her and leaning his forehead against her own. "Then at least let me stay like this until I leave."
"Mhm," she murmured, wrapping her own arms around his back and resting her hands by his shoulder blades. It wouldn't be enough to make up for his lack of presence for the day, but she'd rather bask in his warmth while he was still around. She shifted her position and nuzzled her face into the groove of his collarbone while he laid his neck over her shoulder.
Five minutes later, Shirou kissed her on the lips and bid his farewell, leaving her alone again to wait until the confrontation in Cambridge. His warmth still lingered over her skin, and his scent stuck to her clothes. She couldn't help feeling a trace of longing and pity that the moment was over.
Still, she looked fondly at Shirou's fading figure with a gaze that boasted 'look, that's my man.' Her lips curled upward into a beaming smile.
Standing up on her feet, she considered what it was that she should do from here. Of course, she could train out on her own, but it was a sin in war for a soldier or Knight to exhaust themselves a day or hours before a decisive battle. Instead, she came up with a better idea and hour later and moved back into the privacy of her tent.
Clearing the surface of a small table in the center of the room, she pulled out a layer of leather sheep-skin and stretched it around a circle base around an inch deep. Thereafter, she pulled out a water flask and poured its contents over the stretched leather, allowing the water to pool evenly.
The gift Lady Vivian had grudging bestowed after losing a bet with Shirou's dark spirit Agatha, allowed both Shirou and her to watch their children so long as water was used as a medium.
Concentrating, she focused on calling Lady Vivian's blessing before watching intently as the surface of the water began to ripple and form an image. This wasn't the first time she'd used the blessing and therefore, she was adjusted to the thought that Lady Vivian could just peer into people's lives so long as a source of water was nearby.
No matter how she tried to deny it, Arturia was starting to grow suspicious about if there was any truth in the statements Agatha would often slander Lady Vivian with. However, she didn't dare voice such speculation after a rumour saying that 'the lady of the Lake pads her chest,' began to circulate much to Lady Vivian's ire.
If there was one thing Arturia knew that Merlin didn't have to teach her, it was not to test the temper of Elementals.
Waiting for the image in the water to clear, an ominous premonition gripped at her heart. Every time she and Shirou had checked up on Artus and Annabel, it was always just before turning in for the night. This was the first time Arturia had opted to check at a different hour.
Judging from the time, the children should be awake and playing with Merlin by the crib. Let it be said that she'd left a strict list of duties she expected Merlin to follow through with in her absence. However, the sight that greeted her was the same exact image she'd seen for the past few weeks in the Saxon campaign.
The twins were sleeping again, and this time, there was no justifying the image. It was one thing to know your babies were sleeping in roughly the same position each night, but it was another thing to maintain that position all the way up into the afternoon.
The ominous feeling welling up from within her began to intensify as she asked herself a simple question: When was the last time she'd seen her babies awake?
Her mouth dried, her hands going clammy. "L-Lady Vivian," she called anxiously, dread pooling from within her. "This request may be a tad presumptuous of me, but would you mind angling the image?"
No response. This in of itself caused alarms to ring in Arturia's mind.
Lady Vivian wasn't so petty that she wouldn't allow Arturia to get a better view of her own children just because Lady Vivian lost a bet with another Elemental.
Just when Arturia thought that Lady Vivian would deny her request, the water shimmered before the image changed, revealing that a spell of some sort had been placed in the exact position Lady Vivian's pool of water always appeared. Now that the angle had changed, everything could be seen clearly.
The caster mustn't have considered that an Elemental would acquiesce to the request of a mortal so easily.
The royal bed chamber was in tatters. Deep cuts and mottled holes lined the interior while pieces of feather stuffing and wood splinters were scattered haphazardly.
Arturia didn't even realize that she was beginning to hyperventilate, and that was before she saw the state of the crib…It was in ruins, the bundles of baby cloth used to secure her babies torn to shreds and left strewn over pieces of debris.
She felt as if someone was chocking the life out of her, her heart hammering in her ears, and composure breaking with each passing second and detail until it was as if her world had shattered.
Perhaps out of a feeling of pity or compassion, Lady Vivian tried to communicate in her own way that the twins were safe, but Lady Vivian tragically didn't understand the mentality of humans. As the keeper of Excalibur and the blades forged by the Fae, Lad Vivian had an intricate connection to the distant utopia known as Avalon. Hence, to an extent, she could interact with Avalon's residents.
Merlin clearly wasn't the voice Arturia would have wanted to hear, so Lady Vivian shifted to the best choice. Artus and Annabel themselves.
Humans often used words and voices to convey their presence and safety, so as a favour and act of compassion, Lady Vivian let those words and voices trapped in Avalon project from her screen of water. It was the sound of them being alive.
Yet what Arturia heard was the sound of her babies crying out for her with desperation and fear, and she wasn't there.
It was the last straw for whatever mental strength Arturia still had.
She snapped.
Kay felt as if the situation with the Saxons could not have been going any better than they were now. He was presently acting as a guard for Natalie- well escort actually, since that position fell to either the 'Valkyrie' or Shirou.
However, as the sub-leader of the Gunhildr unit, he was qualified to stand guard in the eyes of the other Saxons. This was what he was presently doing after guiding Natalie into the meeting area at the center of camp.
Natalie herself still looked shocked that the terrifying Lord Ashton and King of Camelot, was also a top-grade chef. However, she was too timid to even approach Shirou alone let alone ask him to cook a meal for her. If not for Kay bringing Natalie along to the smell of Shirou roasting meat, it was likely that Natalie would have never tasted Shirou's cooking.
Speaking of Shirou, Kay had seen him enter the meeting area ten minutes after Natalie had first arrived.
It had been an hour since then, and Kay felt bored out of his mind while keeping watch of the perimeter surrounded by tents belonging to other Saxon soldiers. It was off putting standing in the midst of an enemy camp, but for the life of him, he didn't seem to feel such things when he bickered with Natalie. The girl was timid around people of high influence or power, but push her enough and she doesn't become afraid to voice her opinions even if they might get her killed. She really is a daughter of Hengist if anything.
…and she slaps pretty hard.
Kay brushed the spot Natalie had smacked him at for 'endangering' her life by infuriating little Arturia. Queen, Arturia may be, but she would always be the brat of their childhood.
The meeting with Natalie and the other Saxons leaders was held in a large tent surrounded by improvised fencing to create a barrier to prevent soldiers from getting too close. This was done to keep outsiders out of hearing range lest confidential information by leaked. As it was, he was stationed at the edge of this line along with the trusted subordinates of the other Saxon commanders.
Idling in place, his honed senses didn't fail to catch it when a commotion began within the camp. His eyes narrowed before glancing over, only to widen in shock and confusion.
What was she doing! Kay inwardly reeled when he identified just who was at the source of the commotion and fast approaching the meeting tent.
Just as the other guards around the meeting area moved to intervene, Kay jumped out first. "I'll handle it. Leave it to me," he said tensely before bolting off.
There in front of him was Arturia, expression unreadable, but body trembling all over. She didn't care who in front of her, or whoever tried to talk to her, she'd brush right by them with no explanation whatsoever. Luckily, no one really held anything against her as she was the famed 'Valkyrie' under Lady Natalie, but Arturia's current actions were pushing it.
She was disregarding everyone, and an air dissatisfaction was spreading, ruining part of the reputation she'd built up.
Before things could escalate, Kay intervened and shooed off any curious Saxons nearby with his authority as the second in command of Gunhildr. As it was, the Saxons cleared the area and gave them privacy out of respect.
Just when Kay was about to ask Arturia what was going on, she literally walked right past him without a word and continued towards the meeting area. Her pace was hurried, and was more of a sprint than any kind of walk.
Frowning, Kay circled and got in front of Arturia while trying to reason with her. He grabbed her shoulders and held her in place. His eyes widened in surprise when he realized just how much effort he had to use in order to just keep her in place. His arm muscles were straightening to keep his grip, and the back of his heels were digging into the ground as Arturia pushed and pushed. "Arturia, I have no idea what's wrong, but you can't just-"
"Shut up!" She shoved past him, just barely able to hold onto any semblance of calm.
Blinking at the sudden aggression, Kay grimaced and reluctantly tackled Arturia to the ground.
"Let go of me, Kay!" She seethed; the strength held in her petite frame increasingly deceiving. It felt as if he were trying to restrain a bear who looked on the verge of biting back.
"Do you know what you're doing?" He hissed into her ear. "We're so close to ending this war and your actions may jeopardize everything at this point."
"To hell with it!" Arturia gnashed her teeth, turning her gaze away as a shudder travelled down her body.
Kay couldn't understand what was going on. He was smart enough to know that Arturia must have been on her way to Shirou, but he couldn't understand why she had to do it now of all time. "Arturia! What is the matter with you?! You're not thinking straight!" He chastised her.
"I'm not!" She freely admitted, her shoulders trembling before she suddenly lost all willpower in her body and slumped in defeat. "My babies are gone, and they're calling for me…" she sounded so lost and desperate at this moment that Kay just froze. "B-But I'm not there," she continued.
The admission shocked Kay into silence. Now that he looked closely at her face, her eyes were puffy and red, something the other Saxons didn't notice due to Merlin's illusion magic.
"Kay," she said weakly. "I don't even know if my babies are alive or dead."
Slowly, his hold began to weaken, and Arturia used the opportunity to wrestle herself free, intent on taking Shirou and making it back to Camelot.
For a moment, as Kay just stared at her dumbly, Arturia paused in her strides and called softly over her shoulder. "It's up to you Kay. Deal with the Saxons on your own."
She sucked in a breath, and delivered a single definitive statement as a Queen, a Knight, and a Mother. The self-righteous little girl of the past willing to sacrifice anything for her country had grown to understand what was truly important to her.
"War or peace," she said hollowly. "Right now, I don't care."
She left, the sound of her steps echoing in Kay's ears.