My Heart Holds Onto You *COMPLETED*

Chapter 16

Brenna's POV

     I'm numb. This aching, torturous pain is no longer there. I just don't feel anything anymore. Ever since Noah died I haven't spoken a word to anyone. I haven't eaten or slept. I feel as if a piece of me is missing and I can't do anything about it. All I can do is cry, but I've run out of tears.

      It's been two weeks. Two weeks since her funeral, two weeks since her small body was placed in a casket and buried six feet under. It feels like I'm in an endless nightmare and it just won't stop. Siva has been trying to get me out of the house but I can't move. My body just physically won't move and, frankly, I don't want to.

     I lay in my bed at Siva's flat, curtain closed, blocking out any form of light. My face was buried in the soft pillow and the duvet was covering my whole body. I had a massive headache from crying all night and I just felt so weak. 

     As I was finally about to drift to sleep, someone burst through the door. I didn't have the strength to sit up and check who it was so I groaned and buried my face deeper into the pillow. They threw open the curtains, allowing the bright, painful light to shine through my room.

    "Get up. Now." It was Siva. And by the sound of his voice, he was angry. I didn't move one inch. I just lay there, trying to ignore him. I heard footsteps move to the side of my bed and then a gust of air hit my body. I hissed and gave Siva a cold glare.

     He sat down on the bed and gave me a sympathetic look. "Brenna, I'm worried about you. It's not healthy to be cooped up in a room for so long. Come on, I'm taking you out today. The boys are downstairs and are concerned about you, too. So, get up and get dressed, be ready in an hour."

     Siva stood up, shot me another sympathetic smile, and was about to leave the room when I cut him off. "No." Wow, I sounded like a man. I guess that's what happens when you don't talk for weeks. Seev seemed surprised by my speaking but shook the look off.

     "Brenna, you're coming and that's final. As your brother it's my job to help you out and make you happy again." I shook my head and slowly stood up, my body trying to adjust to my sudden movements. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying in this room and you can't make me do anything. Now just shut up and leave me alone." 

      I was about to lay back down but he grabbed my arm and faced me towards him. "I won't leave you alone. You're not staying in that bed all day." He started pulling me towards the stairs but I yanked my arm out of his grip. I was fuming. 

     "You can't make me do shit, Siva! You lost that right a long time ago when you walked out on me, remember?" I know I shouldn't have yelled and gotten angry but he was pushing my buttons. Sure, he's my brother but he's crazy if he thought I just forgot about him leaving me. And now that Noah was gone, and I had lost the only person who was there for me from the start, I couldn't hold anything in any longer. 

      "Bren, I've apologized for that many times. All that matters is that I'm back now. I know it's been tough since Noah died, it's been tough on me too, but I won't let you become depressed. Noah wouldn't want that." I don't know what happened, but I just lost it. 

      I pushed against his chest and he stumbled backwards. I was about to speak when he grabbed my arm again and dragged me downstairs and into the kitchen. I tried to push him and yank my arm away but his grip only tightened. It didn't hurt, but he didn't show signs of letting go anytime soon. 

     "Let me go!" I had had enough. He let me go and just stared at me. "Don't you dare tell me that you understand what I'm going through! You have no fucking clue the pain and agony I've been feeling. Yes, Noah was your sister, but you didn't have what I had with her. She was the only one there for me when I needed it. She loved me unconditionally and now she's gone. I have no one else, especially not you! So don't tell me what she would've wanted because you don't know a damn thing." 

     A hurt look crossed his face but he shook it off. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it that way. But you know you can always come to me for help. I love you Brenna, you're my sister. I'll always be here when you need me." 

    I laughed harshly. "Oh, really? That's funny, cause when I needed you before you just left! You weren't there for me when the others left, you weren't there for me when I was left alone with a toddler, and you weren't there for me when I was being ra-" I stopped myself immediately when I caught what I was about to say.

    He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, processing my words. Once he had figured out the gist of what I was about to say, his eyes widened. "Brenna, w-what are you talking about?"

     I shook my head as I felt the tears sting my eyes. "Nothing, it doesn't matter." I turned to leave but he stepped in front of me. "Tell me what happened. Now." He kept badgering me and I just couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of holding everything in, it was killing me. 

    "Bren, please tell me wha-" I cut him off. "Siva, enough! My god, you wanna know what happened? I was fucking raped! Happy now? I was raped and I was beaten. I had my innocence taken away from me and the living shit beat out of me for a year. You would've known this before but no, you left." By now, my tears were pouring out of my eyes and they showed no signs of stopping. "You left me, just like everyone else! I thought you were the one person I could trust, that I could go to when I needed someone the most, but I was wrong. Just like I was wrong about my siblings, just like I was wrong about my old friends, and just like I was wrong about Tom."

     I stopped to catch my breath and calm down a bit. I hadn't even remembered that the boys were here until I saw them all standing in the doorway to the kitchen, but I didn't care. I avoided Tom's gaze and looked back to Siva. "The only person I had was Noah, and now she's gone. And I don't want to be here anymore. I have no purpose anymore." A fresh batch of tears filled my eyes and they fell carelessly down my face. My voice was now a whisper. "Just, leave me alone. All of you." And with that I walked back upstairs to my room and locked my door shut, collapsed on the bed and let my sobbing be the only sound that filled the dark, empty room.