Roses and Shadows

Part 14: Gone

I woke up with the sun beginning to set and Andrew still wrapped around me. He slept peacefully, the traces of a smile still lingering on his face. I, for the first time since before my exile, took in his features. His small pink lips, his tangled blonde hair. Not to mention his gorgeous blue eyes that all ice made me think of. There was no denying that Matt was attractive, but he was too much like an older brother to me. He’d taught me more and raised me better than my actual father. So, I’d choose Andrew over anyone, anytime.

Probably?

I couldn’t stop my thoughts from wandering back to Crispy. He was wild, exciting, and being around him (and his plants) felt absolutely freeing. But Andrew was safe, logically smart, and I’d known him since I was five.

As if he’d sensed my discomfort, Andrew opened his eyes and gazed at me blankly until he remembered where he was and what had happened.

“Good morning,” he said with the gravel of sleep in his voice.

Half of me wanted to throw myself at him. It wanted to kiss him, lay with him, and let him have me and hold me. The other half longed for the Prince of Fire’s touch and care.

It wasn’t fair that I had to choose. My father hated me. My mother died. None of my siblings ever defended me. I deserved to be loved. I deserved to be wanted. I shouldn’t have to pick Andy or Crispy. I should get to have both.

I am going to have both.

Before Andrew could wonder why I was silent for so long, I scooted to him and connected our lips. He tasted like vanilla. I closed my eyes and tried not to breathe too hard on his cheek as he snaked his arm around me and pulled me closer. The moment was perfect to me. I felt whole.
Then, the moment was shattered when Matt opened the door without knocking.

“Wow,” he said. “Maybe you two need some alone time.”

I jumped away from his brother, already mentally grasping for excuses. But before I said anything, Andrew moved toward me and told Matt, “Five more minutes,” then pulled me back into another series of deep kisses.

Once we heard the door close, he moved a hand to my hip and began to rub at the waist of my pants. I smiled into him as his touch spread comfort through my body. He eventually withdrew from the kiss to breathe after about thirty seconds or forty years.

I, disoriented, rested my head on his shoulder. “Still going home tomorrow?” I asked, a little nervous at the thought of him leaving.

“Yeah,” he replied. I frown twitched at the corners of his lips. “But before I do, I wanna know if we’re dating? Are you my boyfriend?”

The question stopped me in my tracks. I knew that what I was doing with Andrew and Christopher was already wrong, but to make it more serious, more committed, would be much worse.

“Not yet,” I finally ended up saying. “First, I have stuff to take care of. Then, I get to have a boyfriend."

Andrew looked disappointed but not angry. “What stuff?” he asked.

“I need to take back my throne by any means necessary. I need to build an army and overthrow my father.”

Andrew didn’t hesitate. “Let me help you!” he nearly pleaded, touching my hip again. “I know I don’t look it, but I can handle myself in a fight and I promise that you’ll have the might of the entire Glacien military on your side.”

I'd been hoping he'd say that, but I still had a few anxieties. I asked, "How can I trust that you’ll be able to work with the Ignerian forces I have backing me? You were going to take a week to get home just to avoid existing in the same space as them, and now you plan to ally yourself with them? Not to mention your parents."

"So you spoke with the Ignerian king and queen?"

"Well, no, but the Ignerian population has more mercenaries and assassins who don't align with the values of the royalty. And many of the generals favor the princes over the king."

"Oh, so you're gonna take some 'cute' prince's side over mine?" His warm skin suddenly turned cold. I stopped resting on him and sat up fully.

"Wow," I said. "A literal cold shoulder?"
Prince Andrew rolled his eyes. "It was involuntary. But of course, you would think I was trying to be passive-aggressive. You're so dramatic."

That set me on fire. I wanted to hit him, scream at him, hurt him like his statement hurt me. How dare Mr. Logical try to invalidate me?

"I'm not fucking crazy!" I began to yell. "I'm not dramatic, you're dramatic!" I left the bed and began putting my jacket on.

"Where are you going?" Andrew asked, obviously not really caring. If he cared, he'd beg me to forgive him. He'd get on his knees and plead for me to get back in the bed.

"I'm going back to Ignerio. I'm leaving here before you can leave me. And when I come back in a week-and-a-half's time, you'd better be out of my house." I walked out of the door and used a vine to slam it behind me so I wouldn't have to look back.

Who needs Andrew? I thought to myself as I rode my rented horse to Ignerio. He doesn’t get to lie about liking me then try to hurt me. He's just going to leave like everyone else. Well, I'm not giving him the chance.

A trail of brown followed me as I rode through the forest and every plant I passed over immediately died. I could barely feel a spark of life in the seeds I always kept on my person. Fine, then, who needs seeds? If they wanted to leave too, I'd let them. I pulled them from my pockets and threw them as far away from me as I could. I pulled my rose vine bracelets off and chucked them the opposite direction. Even the trees seemed to almost bend away from me. Only then, did I realize how alone I was.

"Don’t go!" I yelled aloud, ignoring my ability to communicate with plants telepathically. I threw my arms around wildly summoning any plants I could reach. I cried for the plants to stay with me. I pulled them over my arms and legs. The only place I left untouched was my head. I deserved no crown. I had no idea which plants I wore under my clothing, just that I could never let them go.

By nightfall the next day, I'd reached the edge of the Ignerian woods. I had ignored eating, drinking, and sleeping to make it here so quickly on my slow steed.

I had barely had time to look around before I saw Crispy and Cyrus running toward me, yelling for me to come inside and rest. I could barely hear what they said over my own thoughts. Something about searching for me. Something about missing me.

I didn't smile. I didn't go inside. I barely let my gaze linger on either prince. Instead, I fell sideways off of my horse and began to sob in the dirt.