What does love feel like? I knew at one point, and it was amazing, I assume. But it's been so long that I kinda forgot exactly how it feels.
See, come the fifth, it'll have been three years since I got dumped by my toxic ex of two years. And yeah, it's a good thing that happened because if not, I might still be blind to the abuse. Letting myself be demeaned and scolded for absolutely anything. Being told that every little problem in the relationship was 100% my fault, even though I might have been the only one actively trying to communicate so that things COULD get better. But in the end it never did, because I wasn't worth staying awake for when it counted most.
Moving on, it's been three and a half years since my last real date that I can remember. Senior Year Prom. And then it's been five whole years since my last first date. Where I was actively learning new things about a lady. Five years since I was able to feel what love was, growing steadily and not being immediately reciprocated by sex. I could never truly understand why everybody's so addicted or drawn to it. If it's been steady between a couple for a couple of months, then sure. So long as the heart's there and it's not horniness making the calls. But I digress.
There's somebody, though. I've not seen her yet, but she's seen me. Mom says she's cute. I won't know for myself until I get to go home in a couple of weeks. But she thought I was cute and wanted my number. So really, that's cool. It's been so long since I've had somebody want to get to know me so outright, you know? But how should I even go about this?
I'm not necessarily a socially adept person. I can fake it until I make it, yes, but on top of that, it takes me forever to tell stories. Too much detail. I talk to much, which after realizing that I made myself not be so talkative. But if she asks about my passions? In that case, there's truly no stopping me! It'll either be like, "wow, this guy has so much drive and passion! This guy knows what he wants in life!" Or, it'll be like, "Jesus Christ this dude talks too much..."
I look forward to this possible date, but then I start to wonder. What if I'm not enough? What if I'm too much? What if I blow it and shit? I don't know. I just hope that my chances aren't as slim as I believe they are.
-CLOSE ENTRY-
-19:06-
