Eye in the Sky, Don't Leave

FIVE

I haven't heard from or seen James or whatever his name is since he disappeared yesterday morning. Ugh, why did I have a panic attack in front of him? He's probably never going to visit me again. I scared him off.

"I don't scare easily."

I gasped, my eyes traveling to the voice, "You came back."

James stands behind my closed bedroom door, his back leaning against it. 

"Of course I did," he smiles. He pushes himself away from the door, slowly approaching me. The sun shines perfectly on his skin."I'm sorry about yesterday. I guess I shouldn't have sprung myself on you like that."

"I didn't mean to have an anxiety attack... I just..," I trail off.

"You don't have to explain yourself. I already know."

"You know?"

He smiles, nodding. "I know everything about you." I stare at him as he sits down on my bed. "I know what happened to you. I'm so sorry." I lean back against my headboard, holding in tears as I watch him. "You think you have no one. No one understands you. I used to feel the same."

"You did?" I whisper to the ceiling.

James nods, "I hid from the people that cared about me...I hid from the world."

I want to ask him...how did you die? But I'm not sure if I can handle it just yet.

"...I-I'm in love with you," is all I could say.

"I'm in love with you too." I snap my head forward, squinting my eyes at him.

"...How? How when you're a-" I say, gesturing to him. How can you love someone that is dying? A dying thing.

"You think you're so hard to love." My throat tightens, and tears spill as those words leave his mouth.

"I don't want to be this way...the way I am...I'm," I stop myself, shaking my head.

"I know. I know," he soothes."I want to help you...heal you."

"That's why you're here?" I ask him. "In front of me?"

James nods. He smiles as he looks up at my ceiling,  "I usually don't do this...but that night, when you were laying on my chest...what you said....how you felt...." He looks down and stares at his hands before turning to me. "I can't explain it." For the first time, he is lost for words. "I needed to see you."

"I feel so special," I laugh after a sniff. So damn special. He smiles. It's so weird seeing him smile in person! I scoot closer to him, getting a good look. He's real. So real. "Can I?" I ask, reaching my hand up to his face.

James nods, leaning into me. His skin feels so warm against the pad of my fingertips. I stroke his chin before tracing the stubble along his cheek. His eyes follow my movements as I continue to touch him, my fingers running through his hair to the bare skin on his forearms that's barely covered by the short sleeves of his sweatshirt.

Wait...

"You're wearing my shirt," I giggle, remembering that he was shirtless yesterday.

"I was cold," he laughs. Mmh, such a sweet laugh. "I hope you don't mind."

I shake my head, "I don't" Then... "How come...in my dreams, you don't talk?"

"It's my way of connecting with you."

"By not talking?" I laugh.

James throws his head back as he chuckles. I stare at his Adam's apple, tempted to bite it.

"Sometimes...I'm just taking it all in...you and our connection...I don't mean to be shy and speechless," he shrugs. "I can't help it."

"And the kissing?"

He tilts his head, "What about it?"

"....Why do you kiss me?'

He laughs, "because I wanted to."

Because he wanted to?

"I'm not complaining or anything," I shyly smile before staring at his lips. "So, how are you going to help me?"

"I'm going to help balance your mind and heart...." James presses his palm to my chest. I had never felt so warm. "And make them work together in harmony."

I laugh at his response, "You're gonna do all of that?"

"Well, it's been working so far, hasn't it?" he asks. I give him a slow nod, looking away from him. "When I first came to you, you were..." he closes his eyes, remembering...sensing.

"Damn, was I that bad?" I joke. Ugh, I was. I was. I was so fucking numb. James chuckles at my comment. "And then after that?" I ask him. James looks confused, not understanding my question. "You're just going to leave, right?" He doesn't say anything...but I already know. "I don't think you really thought out your plan."

"I guess I'm feeling pretty spontaneous."