Breaking Point

Secretly...

    Anna finished brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed and got out of the bathroom so Rainey could use it. The basement was a bungalow with a two bedrooms, one of which had two sets of bunk beds. Usually they ended up on the king bed in the other room, anyway. It wasn't weird; they'd known each other from kindergarten.

    Anna padded over to find Kyle in the room with the bunks, lying on a bottom bed with his head in his hands staring up at nothing.

    "Kyle?" Anna called gently, standing in the doorframe.

    He turned his head to look at her. "Yeah?" He said, lost in thought.

    "Whatcha doin'?"

    "Thinkin',"

    "About what?"

    "I dunno."

    "You don't have to tell me," she said, going to crawl into the bed across from him. "It just seemed like something was bothering you when we were upstairs."

    "Wait," he said, pushing him self up to sit. "Can you do me a favor?"

    "Mmh?"

    "Can you come lie with me? I- I don't wanna be alone."

    Anna stood there, a little stunned. Kyle didn't usually say things like that; he was pretty private with whatever he was feeling.

    "You're not alone, Ky," she said softly.

    He looked down at his hands, struggling for the words. It wasn't easy for him to say. He wondered if she would laugh.

    "Not when you're here," he said slowly, sneaking a glance at her face to check and see if she was laughing or looked annoyed. "But other than that I always am."

    "Kyle," Anna said in a breath, looking at him with sympathy, and a little bit of empathy. "You know I'm always here for you."

    He was still looking down, ashamed of what he was feeling and saying.

    "What if one day you're not?"

    "What do you mean?" Her heart was racing for him. She wanted to help him, to hold him and make the pain go away, but she herself did not know how. She just stood there, frozen, wanting so bad to know the right thing to do and say.

    "Nobody stays, Anna." He said, trying to force his voice not to shake. "Everyone always leaves."

    "Who left you, Kyle?"

    "My friends. My ex-bestfriend. My family." He struggled to keep his voice stable. "My mom."

    "Kyle," Anna said, willing herself to move towards him but still unable to. "That wasn't your fault."

    "How do you know?" He said. They all ditched me. My friends didn't want to be caught with a fag. My brother transferred colleges to get away from me. My  old best friend hates me. My mom-"

    "Your mom's choice wasn't your fault. And your brother could've just wanted a better opportunity in life."

    "He switched from Yale to Arizona State and changed his last name. Don't tell me that's not my fault. And my mom would rather be a prostitute than know me."

    "That was when you were a baby," I said. "She didn't know."

    "She won't come back because of me."

    "She doesn't even know!"

    "I think she does. My brother told her."

    "Kyle, that can't be why."

    "If my brother dropped out of Yale to get away, why would my mom come home?"

    "Because she loves you."

    "No," he said. "My dad tells me all the time she doesn't. He's disgusted by me. He tells me I'm not his son, and that I'm going to burn in hell. At this point, I don't even know if he really is my dad. My mom is a slut. Anyone could be my dad. She probably just wanted to dump me with the first guy who'd take me. Him and my brother used to tell me that was what happened. Why shouldn't it be true?"

    Anna forced herself to take a step. "Kyle, no matter what, I'm going to be here. I'm not going to leave you. I promise."

    He wiped his face quickly with his sleeve, as if he didn't want her to see. "Thanks."

    "Don't mention it."

    "I'm sorry I just said all that. You probably think I'm just an whiney attention whore."

    "I would never. Don't be sorry."

    "No, I am. That was so stupid of me to say all that. I just... Couldn't not say it."

    "Kyle, you're like a brother to me. Closer than that. Anytime you need to talk, I'll be there. I don't care if it's three A.M., you can call me."

    He was quiet for a minute, biting his lip. "That means a lot." He said. "You and Rainey are the closest thing I have to family."

    Everything was quiet. The clock ticking on the wall produced the only sound.

    "Don't tell Rainey." He whispered.

    "I won't," she whispered back. "And Kyle?"

    He looked up her, his eyes huge and sad and his face drawn somberly.

    "You too. About the family thing."

    He shuddered. This time she was able to move. She sat by him on the bed grabbed the blanket, putting it around both of them, wrapping her arms around him and placing her hand on the back of his head as he buried it in her shoulder, her other hand rubbing his back. He cried softly, whispering again and again how sorry he was. She hushed him and said it was okay, promising she was gunna be there forever.

    They stayed like that for a minute or so until Kyle forced himself to stop. He pulled back, wiped his eyes and tried to smile.

    "Good thing Rainey takes so long in the bathroom."

    They laughed softly.

    "But, Ky," Anna said. "Why did those pictures-" she cut herself short, regretting bringing it up.

    Kyle grinned, but it was forced. Footsteps in the hall told them Rainey was coming.

    "Tell you later." He whispered quickly.

    The door opened. Rainey stood there, her hair wet.

    "You took a shower?" Anna asked in a voice that was almost normal, but a little too happy.

    "Yeah. I'm gunna pass out." Rainey wasn't lying; she always did after a late night shower. "Let's go to bed in the other room."

    "'Kay," said Anna. She and Kyle got up, ditching the blanket. And walking like zombies to the soft golden colored room. It's furnishings were white. The waterbed was extremely soft. Anna was in the middle. Rainey was out in two minutes flat.

    Kyle turned off the light on the way in lay down on Anna's other side.

    "It was because of Matt," Kyle whispered into the dark. "He was my best friend when I got sent to private school instead of public for junior high. I really liked him. But when he found out..." he trailed off. Anna reached for his hand under the blanket. "Never again." She swore, pinky promising it.

    "Thank you," he whispered.

    "No problem... Love you."

    He smiled in the dark. "Always."