Songs to listen to while reading:
1) Bad Kind of Butterflies - Camila Cabello
2) My Person - Spencer Crandall
3) Still Fallin' - Hunter Hayes
4) Your Universe - Rico Blanco
Narda's POV
Habang nagmamaneho ako, d ko maiwasang isipin ang action na ginawa ni Regina kanina. She kissed me in my forehead. One na hindi naman niya ginagawa dati. And honestly, that action alone made me feel things more. Things I shouldn't feel, coz I have Brian.
I don't tolerate cheating, in words, in actions and even in thoughts. But I have been doing it since last year.
Yes, I have feelings for Regina, sa best friend ko. Hindi naman issue sa'kin kung magkagusto ako sa babae, malaya naman tayong magmahal ng taong gusto nating mahalin..kaya lang, may Brian ako, si Brian na papakasalan ko in 6 months time.
"Narda, are you okay?" pagpabalik niya sa'kin sa reyalidad.
"hmm, oo naman." I said, side glancing at her sabay ngumiti.
"don't space out, don't look at me when you're driving." seryoso niyang sabi sakin na ginawa ko naman agad.
That. Lagi niyang sinasabi sa'kin 'yan pag magkasama kami, at kahit na hindi siya ang kasama ko, basta pag alam niyang ako ang nagmamaneho, nagiging strict siya.
And I guess that's because of that accident we had years ago. The accident that made me lose my memories. The accident that made her change, according to our friends, that is.
Dati daw kasing masayahin si Regina, dating clingy sa'kin, even 'yung matcha, kaming dalawa daw ang mahilig du'n at nakikipagtalo pa daw kami sa mga kaibigan namin, defending matcha as if it's our child.
Wala akong maalala kung pa'no kami noon ni Regina, pero sa totoo lang..pakiramdam ko may kulang pag hindi ko siya kasama. Whenever she makes this small gestures of just hugging me, nawawala 'yung emptiness na nararamdaman ko. Whenever she talks to me or hold my hand, pakiramdam ko gumagaan agad ang loob ko. She makes me feel things na sa totoo lang, hindi naiparamdam sa'kin ni Brian.
He is gentle with me, he's sweet, he comforts me, he's always been so good sa'kin..and I think that's the reason why I thought mahal ko din siya. No, scratch that..it's actually the reason why I thought I love him too. Para kasing ang tanga ko kung hindi ko man lang siya magustuhan when he's been treating me so good.
So yes, I love Brian but I don't love him the way I realize na mahal ko pala si Regina. My love for Brian is like me thanking him and trying my best na masuklian ang binibigay niya sa'king pagmamahal.
Hindi deserve ni Brian ang ganitong pagmamahal at mas lalong hindi niya deserve ang ginagawa ko ngayong pagche cheat sa kanya by actually loving someone else. Which is why sinubukan kong itama, which is why I agreed to marry him.
Pero hindi eh, mas pinalala ko pa ang sitwasyon. Kasi everytime I am with him, si Regina ang nasa isip ko. Everytime hawak niya ang kamay ko, si Regina ang naaalala ko and weirdly enough, everytime he kisses me, I feel Regina's lips on mine..when I've never ever kissed her.
Binabaliw ako nitong nararamdaman ko para kay Regina at kahit na gustuhin kong iwasan siya, hindi ko pa din magawa. Not being with her feels like missing a part of me.
Naguguluhan na ako, gusto kong hindi na ituloy ang kasal with Brian pero alam kong masasaktan ko siya, pero sinasaktan ko na siya ngayon ng hindi niya alam.
"you're spacing out again Narda.." sabi niya ulit when I parked the car sa destination namin.
"I'm seriously in wonders pa'no tayo nakarating dito ng buhay. What's bothering you? 'yung totoo?" she asked me, her voice hinting that she's both worried and annoyed.
