Defense Against the Diaphanous

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"In my dreams I kiss your cunt, your sweet wet cunt. In my thoughts I make love to you all day long."

― Ian McEwan, Atonement


Midway through the first term, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor accidentally curses herself, landing in the infirmary for the rest of term

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Midway through the first term, the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor accidentally curses herself, landing in the infirmary for the rest of term. The substitute is very much to Draco's taste, and very much not to Granger's.

Her name is Professor Vedavalli Varunkumar. She is American, with several Muggle degrees in addition to her wizarding credentials. The very first thing they are required to do in her class, even though they are all 18, is to sign release forms consenting to learn a new, particularly potent type of defensive charm. Almost none have Latin names.

"What dangers, exactly, are we being exposed to?" asks Granger pertly, her hand raised before anyone else's.

Professor Varunkumar leans on her desk, her black hair coiled and speared by her wand just like Granger's. She regards her young doppelganger shrewdly.

"All spells carry the risk of danger," she says quietly. "By now, I'm sorry to say, you've all learned some way to blow up or burn or freeze or mutilate the human body — with unfortunate cause. This year, we are going to supplement those skills with something I call a curriculum for peace."

She reviews all the basics in a cursory first week, then goes on to ask them to reimagine defense from the ground up. She speaks to them about magic used in the great epics of East and West — the Iliad, the Odyssey, and the Mahabharata, the Hindu epic of cousins at war. She speaks of the power of illusion and misdirection. The genius of the soft touch when a hard one is expected. And of course, the power of distraction.

Draco, raging hot for his new teacher and very sorry that he won't be able to taste her, resigns himself to a hopeless crush and a wealth of new wank fodder. Before long, he and the class learn why they signed the release forms.

Under her instruction, they practice charms to induce delicate perceptions — the prickling of the skin, the illusion of a kiss, breezes that slide like gossamer scarves across wrists and knees and stomachs. She teaches a humidity spell that makes the air drowsy and languorous, incantations to perfume it and enhance it with distracting sounds. In short, an entire repertoire of magic to cloud the mind with subtle sensation, with desire...with something very close to arousal.

Granger can't stand it, and her questions grow more pointed and inconvenient.

"In Potions, we only smell powerful substances like amortentia, never actually consume them," she says recklessly. "How are these spells not restricted from the classroom?"

"Are the Furnunculus or the Leg-Locker regulated?" says Varunkumar dryly. "As I said, you all know dozens of spells designed to modify the body and create sensations or feelings — even painful ones — in others. How are these different?"

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