"Welcome to being treated like shit for no reason."
In which a black woman falls in love with an asian man who takes discrimination on a stride.
Started: 8/05/2020
Ended: 1/01/2023
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Somchai became my world before I knew it and that scares me.
I never thought I could like someone like this... thinking about him is as natural as thinking about myself. Making sure he okay feels like self-care and I never saw myself as this type of girl...
I used to laugh at the girls who wanted to be up and under a boy all the time but now... just the thought of him reading a message without a reply... I don't want to imagine he could ever do that to me.
Ya'll bitches weak in the knees - STANNNND UP.
So here is the problemo... I want to know how serious Somchai is about me.
I'm scared that it's just me...
It's just me who wishes that I could wake up forever next to him on a weekend after a sleepover.
It's just me who wants to be next to him all the time.
It's just me who melts from a smile... a look... the way he holds me... the way he calls me 'his'.
I feel crazy. I know I sound like an idiot. I'm acting dependent.
But... am I just supposed to prepare for the day when I lose this feeling? I can't explain it but I know I touch heaven every moment I lay in his arms and I'm addicted to it.
Somchai is everything to me and I need to know it's not just me.
I need him to promise me forever and a day.
Girl get up. Girl get up. Girl get up. Girl get up again.
....
"I feel like we need to talk."
Shit, shit, shit. I should've just gotten some dick and ate my food.
"What's wrong Nayla?"
If you don't back up smelling that good with those lips... you're gonna be handling a looot of problems. I'm weak in the knees and proud.
"I... I don't know how to live without you anymore... I- I need you to feel what I feel like make tell me-"
I can't breathe. My heart is beating so fast. I can't stop crying.
This is bad.
"Woah Nayla, baby, breathe. Breathe with me... one... two... three - just like I'm doing..."
I don't know when Somchai pulled me into his arms but... I know that only the sound of his heart could've calmed down and his soothing voice... he smells so good like something calm.
Are you not embarassezzz? This is really embarassinggg?
"I'm sorry Chai... I-I dont know what happened... I just thought- forget it."
"Tell me," he told me softly wiping my tears, "you can tell me anything."
Eye contact. The secret to making a bitch fold like a chair in a hurricane.
"I... I can't imagine you not being here... if you leave me, I won't know what to do. I'm scared of how much I want you sometimes, I feel crazy and if you don't feel the same way... I need you to feel it too otherwise I'm an idiot. I need to know whether you're not gonna leave like everyone else... even if everyone else leaves, I need you to stay Chai."
