My Collection of Short Stories

Still Here

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get his voice out of my head. I couldn't seem to stop staring into those eyes of his. I couldn't stop smiling at the sound of his laugh. I couldn't stop admiring his strength. I couldn't stop grinning at the slightest interaction we had. All of those moments, the jokes, the deep conversations, the exchanging of memes. Was it all in vain? Was he just using me? Was he ever interested in me? All that time I spent trying to get his attention, or helping him with whatever he was struggling with, did none of that matter? All of those stolen glances and secret smiles, did that mean anything to him?

I tried so hard to build a friendship, because that was all I wanted back then. I wanted to get to know him. I wanted to be there for him, I wanted to make him laugh. I wanted to be best friends. Did he even want that? Every day my brain tells me to stop. It's not worth it. He's not interested in you anymore. Can't you see, he stopped talking to you? Don't you know that you're hurting yourself? But then I spot him from across the room. He's doing that thing with his hands, and my body freezes. My heart races and my palms get sweaty. I get a goofy grin on my face. Internally, I'm telling myself to just give up. Nothing you do matters, can't you get that through your thick skull? He doesn't want to be friends, he thinks you're annoying, he doesn't like you. Still, I go back for more, still I try reaching out, still I try to make him laugh. He doesn't even glance my way anymore.

Maybe I should've tried harder. Maybe I shouldn't have acted a certain way. Maybe I should've put just a bit of makeup on my face for once. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

And yet, I'm still waiting. I still have a spark of hope. The fire isn't out yet, no matter what my mind tells me. I still daydream of the day that he'll sweep me off my feet. I still dream of the day he'll ask me out, or dance with me in the rain. I still get nervous at the sight of him. I still stand in his presence screaming, "hey, I'm still here! You left me, but I'm still waiting. Don't forget me, okay?" 

There he goes, flashing that smile again, laughing with his friends. I watch him from across the room with a big, goofy grin on my face. I'm still here and I'm still waiting.