An Innocent Affair

XXXIX

"'Cause karma is my boyfriend
Karma is a god
Karma is the breeze in my hair on the weekend
Karma's a relaxing thought
Aren't you envious that for you it's not?
Sweet like honey, karma is a cat
Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me
Flexing like a goddamn acrobat
Me and karma vibe like that." Taylor Swift, Karma

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XXXIX.

Jem was in a sort of limbo. He was no longer participating in the Season. He was no longer pretending to court Zara. He had no reason to promenade in the park to happen across Cressie. But he could not leave London. Not without her.

He distracted himself from his worry over Cressie by completing his work as the Land Steward for Ashwood by correspondence. But the paperwork did little to take his mind off of what might have been happening to Cressie inside of that house.

Lord, in another lifetime he would have been rich enough to study the law. Surely something could be done to prevent this unnatural imbalance of power. How was it that a man could have such power of a woman? How was it that a wife could be at the mercy of her husband without any right to leave him?

A man could desert his wife whenever he wanted. Mrs Martin was evidence of that. As far as he knew, Mr Martin, Cressie's father, was still gallivanting about the Continent with a mistress some thirty years his junior. If a wife wanted to do the same thing, she ought to have the right.

The right to anything. But first and foremost, a woman had the right to her own autonomy, and her own safety.

Jem was pulled away from his worries by the sound of a commotion downstairs. He could hear shouting voices, voices that were filled with stress and anguish, and it prompted Jem to launch out of his chair immediately. Was it Cressie? Had she escaped? Was she here? Such thoughts and hopes flashed through his mind as he all but pulled the study door off of its hinges and ran towards the first-floor landing, towards the source of the noise.

But as soon as he reached the landing, his heart fell when he realised that it was not Cressie who had come, but Zara. His disappointment could not last long, however, as the expression on Zara's face was cause for alarm. She appeared positively terrified, filled with desperation, as she shouted at the footmen in a way that she would never usually address servants.

"Fetch me your master immediately!" she shrieked. "Please, please, hurry! Please, something terrible is going to happen!"

"Zara!" Jem called from above, capturing the young girl's attention instantly.

There wear tears in Zara's blue eyes, and her cheeks were flushed a bright scarlet from exertion. Had she run all the way here? "Jem!" she cried, bypassing the footman and running to the stairs. "Jem, you have to help me."

They both met each other midway on the steps, and Zara grabbed onto Jem in a way that unmarried ladies would never do. But there was not romance or desire in the way that Zara clung to Jem. It was desperation.

"Jem, I fear something terrible is going to happen!" Zara stressed hysterically.

"Tell me!" Jem demanded to know.

"Cressie wrote you a letter, a response to the letter you wrote her," Zara blubbered. "I went to collect it this morning. But her maid discovered us and took the letter from me. The fought it off of me, more like. Cressie was beating on the door, she wanted me to give the letter back to her. She told me to tell you that she is with child."

Jem felt his whole body seize upon hearing Zara's news. A multitude of feelings, shock, confusion, fear, all coursed through his body and mind at once. And one kept repeating. But Cressie was not able to bear children.