Nonconformity | Henry Creel

The Beginnings of the End

AHHHHHH GUYS!!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!

THIS CHAPTER IS 8000 WORDS LONG, IM SORRY.

we will reconvene at the end of the chapter.

enjoy...
;)
Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text
Every few moments, I spared a glance at Henry over my shoulder. He stood with his back to me, utterly silent as he eyed the blood-red remains of Soteria grasped between his thumb and forefinger. He'd been like that for quite some time now, head craned forward as little clovers of blood stained the once-immaculate collar of his shirt.

My entire body hummed with nervous energy. A million thoughts ran through my head as I crouched next to my dresser, stuffing a few pairs of socks and slippers into a pillowcase. I had no idea where civilization was, no concept of the outside world, and yet here I was on my second escape attempt. This time, I'd have Henry to accompany me. Henry who was 'Peter' only hours before. Henry who I didn't know half as well as I thought I did.

No matter how hard I tried to wash away my doubts, they remained obstinate. They layered upon my skin like dirt, forcibly making me question the man who stood on the other side of the room. How unassuming he looked... I had no real reason to doubt him as much as I did. Sure, he lied, but he had also been honest with me as soon as I called him out for it. Henry was nothing but kind, and lovely, and patient. And I understood why he kept his identity from me. I could only imagine the punishment Papa would implement should something like that come out. It all made perfect sense.

So why did my gut-instinct tell me something was wrong?

I cursed the thought as it passed through my head. Henry was a victim, too, and here I was judging him as though I were any better. He loved me. No one had ever loved me. And now he stood only feet away, willing-- no, eager-- to offer me a place in his heart. The same place that I'd been longing to occupy since that day in the pool. There wasn't one thing I didn't adore about him, so what other choice did I have but to love Henry back?

And I did love him.

The word was so daunting as it passed through my mind. How could four letters hold so much weight? How could they be so mystifying? I suppose I didn't have any real idea of what 'love' was supposed to be, but in my very narrow point of view, I imagined there would be far more clarity where it was involved. Whenever I spared a glance at Henry from across the room, my mind went blank as though I were looking at a stranger. With each new question I had, three more followed until I was drowning in my own doubts. The surface that was my esteemed clarity never felt farther away.

It's like I was seeing him through the broken lense of a camera. He was a mess of jagged lines and shattered glass, warped beyond recognition. If I squinted, I could piece him together, making sense of at least some of his fractured intricacies. Henry had always been something of a mystery to me, but watching him now, I began to wonder if I'd ever be able to solve it.

How could I love someone and have so little trust in them at the same time?

"Henry?" I called out to him, "Can I ask you another question?"

When he turned to me, another realization came upon me. All this mistrust I placed in him was quite pointless, wasn't it? Why stress myself out with inquiries when I could just lock eyes with him and forget all about them? An irritated breath fell from my lips. Henry put me in a uniquely vulnerable position. I could only ever think clearly when we were apart, or at the very least not speaking to one another, but here we were, in close quarters, making plans for an escape that could very well change my life. This entire situation was fucking impossible.