Within the Bone

XXI. A Gentle Morning

Mara awoke before dawn, very conscious of both the burning pain in her right arm from Sammael's last lesson and the wonderful aches through her body. The places where Aallotar's sharp nails had broken her skin stung in the best possible way, reminders of the passion they had chased together. Aallotar's arm draped over her waist, tucked close to hold her back against the wildling's chest with no clothes to separate her from the warmth of the body behind her. She didn't want to wake Aallotar, and the burning wasn't as bad as it had been, so Mara stayed still and just listened to the easy breathing muffled against her hair.

Her thoughts wandered to the inevitable question far more quickly than she would have liked. It was harder to just enjoy Aallotar's presence when she realized she didn't know what the night before meant. In Sjaligr, not only had her father crushed any such interest in her and explicitly said he would never consent to a marriage, but marriages were between men and women, matters of property and bloodline. Occasionally, a man might make a proposal out of fondness, but ‌most of the time that was an afterthought or something to grow between the two after vows were made.

So what did this mean?

Aallotar shifted behind her and gave her a slight squeeze, kissing the soft skin just below Mara's ear. "Are you awake?" the wildling whispered. Her voice was so delicate that it wouldn't have woken Mara if she was still asleep.

"Mhm." Mara rolled over, letting her bandaged hand rest on the small of Aallotar's back under the blankets. She looked into those golden eyes, hoping that her inner turmoil didn't show on her face. No one could make her heart beat faster the way Aallotar could. Even half asleep still, adoration practically shone from the wildling's smile.

Mara's hopes died instantly, when Aallotar seemed to wake more and the smile faded into something more serious. "You are worried."

The sorcerer tried to piece together her thoughts. In the moment, things were so much easier. There was just desire, following the cues of her body and Aallotar's beast. Maybe there was still some damaged part of her soul expecting that all the complicated feelings now tangling her up were not the same for Aallotar. "I just..."

"Mara, what's wrong?" The wildling stroked her cheek gently, a worry of her own shining in her golden eyes.

"Last night..." Mara felt a blush building when her thoughts strayed back in that direction, even with all the weight on her mind. The memories were fresh and exquisitely vivid. She knew she wanted all of it again. She rallied as best she could, refocusing on Aallotar. "What did that mean to you?"

Aallotar seemed to understand that the question was much deeper than it appeared on the surface. "To me it meant everything," the wildling said softly. "It meant...I do not want the sun to rise if I am not with you. It meant...I would rather give you my heart than let it beat alone. That is what it meant." Aallotar hesitated, but did not look away. It took her a moment to find her next words. "What did it mean to you?"

Mara combed her fingers through blonde hair, very conscious of Aallotar's gaze. The longer she was quiet, the more worried and tense the wildling became. "I never thought I would..." She sucked in a deep breath, tears welling at the twin realization that this was only possible because of her exile and that it had actually happened. It wasn't the future she had hoped for as a girl: it was better than she could have ever conceived of. Aallotar's love was not in spite of her curse, nor was it because of it. That was a weft of Fate that had brought them together, but it hadn't been her answer.

"Mara, if it was not—"

The sorcerer knew her own insecurities well enough to recognize them in Aallotar. "Listen to me," Mara said softly, interrupting as gently as she could, a fingertip against Aallotar's lips to hush her. "I never thought I would ever get to experience something so wonderful. I never thought I would hold something as priceless as your heart and have it want to be held. I...I want this. I want you. For as long as you'll let me, and if you ever wish me gone or leave, I hope it kills me. You have nothing to worry about. I'll keep your heart with mine forever if you want it there."