Lingering Intimacy

16. Some Days Are Worser Than Others

Kahina's pov (unedited)

Trigger warning: a whole lot goes down and I don't want to spoil the book. Just know if you are sensetive to certain themes, read the next chapter and I promise I'll catch you up to what happened in this chapter.

It's 6pm and I'm in the gym. I asked the owner if I could use it and I would close up. The owner is my uncle's friend so it was easy to convince them cause they already trust me. My whole body aches but I don't stop. I keep running on the treadmill. I want to feel the pain.

It's not often that I tell people about this but I often feel the urge to cut. I've always had this urge. I never gave into the urge because I've seen what a fucked up mental health can do to a person and their loved ones. I love my family, my friends... Sade too much for that.

I feel the closing of my chest at the thought of loosing her and I stop the treadmill. I've lost focus and as much as I'd like to feel pain, I don't want to break any one of my limbs cause of fucking gym equipment.

I sit on a bench with the silence as my company.The 'conversation' we had only confused me more. I don't want to keep fighting. For the first time it felt like she wanted me back... but I couldn't. Did she want me or the security to know whatever happens I'll be there to love her?

"FUCK!!!" I scream and knock over my bottle of water that was close to me. I have so much pent up anger that I need to release. My body is too tired to even attempt to exercise again.

* falling, dreaming, talking in your sleep, I know you want to cry all night *

I ignore the phone call and simply concentrate on my breathing. It finally stops.

*falling, dreaming, talk-*

I pick up my phone and answer rudely.

"What!?" I grumble out.

"Kahina, it's Oaitse"

I let out a sigh and pinch the space between my eyebrows in frustration. "Look Oaitse, now is not a good time an-"

"Ohh what's wrong?"

I stay quiet cause to be honest, how the fuck am I going to explain this whole situation to anybody. No less someone who although has been a good friend, I've only met for a few weeks.

"Kahina, I know we've only known each other for a short while but...you can trust me. I'm here for you. Whatever you need, I'll provide. Anything."

A single tear drops at her words but I quickly wipe it away. "Uh... A lot has been going on and I'm so confused. I don't know what to do and I'm starting to question whether something I've wanted for so long is what's best for me."

"I'm sorry hey. We can try figure this out together but I think you need a distraction for the night. Where are you so I can pick you up?"

"I'm at the gym."

"okay, I'm on my way".

I lock up the gym and hide the key in the designated hiding spot. Just then, Oaitse's car pulls up. I get into her passenger seat and ask where we are going.

"We're going to the club. You need to let loose a little and have fun"

"I don't really want to g-"

"Nonsense. It'll be fine. Trust me"

I don't question her further and instead do what she wants. I'm too exhausted to argue over something this petty. We arrive at the club and it's the place Sade, Max, Nox and I went to in the beginning of the year.