Itzy oneshots

1. Goddess/God Ryujin - Ryeji

Epiphany.

                I laugh so hard that I cannot hardly even remember why I'm laughing. I try to slow down and clear my head, but it only makes it worse. It only subsides when I start to hurt myself like Arthur Fleck.

                I catch my breath. God, it was so fuckin' funny. My face hurts because I'm still smiling like an idiot. I have to take a moment to calm down, to compose myself. I don't want to be like this when I find the others. It'll spoil the fun.

                Finally, I'm quiet enough to leave the room. I snicker only a little bit when I pass through the door.

           ***

                There's Yuna. "Hello, Sunshine!"

                I startle her, but her look of fright turns quickly to a smile, though it's tinged with confusion. I'm being really perky right now.

                "Hi, Ryujin, what's up?"

                I shrug. "Nothing." Then I get right in her face and stare her down. She freaks out a little, then matches my gaze. I try to keep my expression blank at first, then slowly change between anger, fear, and sadness. I end with a look of longing. She finishes me off with a fit of giggles.

                "That was a fun game, what's next?" she asks.

                "Sorry," I say, "that's it." She looks a little disappointed. But I'm not gonna lie; she wasn't really who I was looking for. She never makes me feel bad. Already my epiphany is fading, and if I spend too much time on any one of them, I might lose my nerve.

                I pull away from her and start to walk away, then stop. Looking back (and seeing the incredulous look on her face) I ask, "Have you seen Chaeryeong?"

**

                I like my makeup job so much that I have to take a selca. Then I put on the wolf mask and creep around the corner. This is so stupid and absurd, it takes all of my self-control not to spoil the scare.

                Chaeryeong is sitting in the far corner, facing away from me. She's messing with her phone, and it's not until I'm peering over her shoulder that I realize she's using the camera. I don't even have to growl or anything, just the silent apparition suddenly appearing in the background is all it takes to freak her right the fuck out.

                She calms down before I can. My throat is starting to hurt. I hope I don't lose my voice.

                "You're mean," says Chaeryeong.

                I have no defense. "Sorry, I just found this for sale cheap and couldn't help myself." I pull it off my face, and she does a double take.

                "That face paint's really cool."

                "Thanks. I found it on the internet. It was called 'war paint' or something like that."

                There's an awkward silence. I have to speak my mind.

                "You know, you're always so scared, Chaeryeong. I just wanted to toughen you up."

                "At my expense. For a laugh."

                Now I feel bad. Wordlessly I turn to leave, and she settles back into her seat. Before I go I leave the mask behind on a table. I angle it so it's staring at her. I don't get two full steps out the door when I hear her gasp in fright. It makes me smirk for a second.

                What do I do now? I don't even remember why I thought this was a good idea. I must have been struck with a bout of madness, the kind that all teenagers and idealists are bound to have. Still, though, I remember having the epiphany itself. It seemed so profound, I have to share it with somebody. But who? I doubt I'll have the guts long enough to tell them both, especially if they're together in the same place.

it's still just people projecting things on to us. It feels dishonest. And they say the same things about other idols, too. It's like we're not even real people, just caricatures. Interchangeable. That's what I meant when I said they could replace us."

                Yeji is quiet as she thinks of her response. As she does so, she bites her lip in that special way of hers. It drives me wild, sitting there next to her.

                "Let me see if I understand," she begins. "We've got this message, this positive message, but you think we're insincere because we're not really living it?"

                "Yeah. We're hypocrites."

                She shakes her head. "But aren't you being true to yourself? Don't you love performing?"

                "Yes, but I want to do so much more! And I don't want to be this tough girl that they portray me as!"

                "You're tougher than I am..."

                I shake my head this time. "No, I'm not. I'm a coward. Even now, I can't say all the things I really feel."

                She frowns at me. "Do you really think you're replaceable? That there's someone out there who can fill your shoes?"

                "Yeji, there's over fifty million people in this country. There are probably many people who could."

                Tears fill her eyes, and my heart breaks. I am gripped by the implication of my words, that if I am eminently disposable, then so is she. And it absolutely is not true. Not to me.

  I think of a world without her, one in which she had succumbed to her childhood disease and never met me.

                "Yeji, I didn't mean to hurt you. We know each other; no one could ever take your place in my life."

                "Nor you in mine," she whispers.

                Now I'm starting to cry. "It's different between us. I'm not satisfied with much in my life, but I'm satisfied with you." I know why I was laughing. I couldn't handle the dread. I stared down Yuna. I creeped on Chaeryeong. I wanted to lash out at Lia. I hate myself so much. Not being real with anyone. Not being real with Yeji, and with myself. I'm such a fake, I even put this damned makeup on to hide under.

                "Ryujin," says Yeji, "do you know what you'd want to do, right this second?"

                I almost say not exist, but I hold back.

                "Sure."

                "Then be true to your self."

                I look into her eyes. She's so close, and she doesn't draw back. She's ready for it when I kiss her. Funny how the fans got this one thing right.