gold rush

i don't like a gold rush

originally posted on ao3.

______

You met him under dazzling sunlight and freshly warmed fields in the summer before junior year. His dog ran up to you, a golden retriever, barking and yapping around with a giant smile on its face. When you glanced around in search for the owner, you spotted him waving across the field, calling, "Sorry! She's friendly!"

You knew from the skip your heartbeat made when you first saw him that he was one you'd never forget. You nuzzled the overly energetic dog against the back of your hand, cooing. His eyes burned into you like the sun overhead as he approached you. As you looked up, you caught his eye for a moment and became acutely aware that you two were the only ones in this large, open field near your house. While it was technically the playground for the elementary school, they were out of session in the summer and you liked to cut across it for your daily hike through the woods.

On the other hand, you could hardly focus on that as you looked at him. You'd never seen someone so genetically... gifted, if that's what you could call it. Hair like the gold of the sun and eyes like the lights of the grassy field. He smiled at his dog as she dashed back to him, and then glanced up at you. If the August sun wasn't hot enough already this surely would've done it, with all the heat that rushed to your cheeks.

There was a tick of a moment, where perhaps it would have all been different, if you didn't say anything. But you did, and hardly dared to breathe as you blurted, "Are you in high school?"

"Yeah." He squinted at you. (Perhaps the sun was too bright). "I go to, uh, (Your School)."

You gave him a funny look. "Really? I've never seen you around and I've been there for all my life."

"I just moved," he explained with a half-smile. At that moment, he looked just as awkward and nervous as you felt and you wondered if you'd judged this child of Aphrodite incorrectly. "I live down the street."

Your eyes widened. "Wait, me too! Are we neighbors?"

"No, I don't think so. My mom sent brownies to our neighbors, and it was like, an old guy and this family with like, 3 kids under the age of eight."

You giggled. "We can still be neighbors, even if not next door."

"Oh yeah, you're right."

You worked out that while you were not neighbors but instead lived on adjacent roads and took the same walk home from school. He pursed his lips when you mentioned it. "I kinda hate that we don't have a bus. There are so many cars over at the intersection."

"It's fine," you reassured him. "I've walked every day. We just cut across the back lot and it's pretty quick. A bus would be a lot slower."

"Okay." He nodded to himself, pondering. Then he blinked suddenly up at you. "Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't get your name?"

"Y/N."

"Oh. I'm Daniel."

He did not look like his name.

_____

Daniel, to your luck, was a junior as well. And he, somehow, was even younger than you.

After that day out at the field where you'd introduced yourselves, he'd never contacted you and you realized that you didn't exactly know where he lived. Plus, while you were bold when the situation required it, you weren't about to go knock on his front door.

Instead, you spotted him walking on the first day of school and had to run out your door to catch up with him. Then you took a deep breath and pretended that you'd caught him by accident, a silly little accident with a stupidly majestic boy.

He told you that he was feeling a bit nervous, and apologized for not clarifying where it was that you lived. His talkative nature confused you, as you'd pegged him as a quiet beauty, with all the wispies in his hair and light blush dotting his cheeks. With your past experiences with boys, it was always the ones that struck you the most that were the most boring and dry. It was delightful to have met someone like this, and the walk to school barely felt like a walk. It felt as if you were floating above the floor, an undeniable bounce in your steps.

You exhaled, stopping in your tracks as you stepped the threshold onto the school grounds. "Here it is," you said softly. "The place where dreams come to be."

He glanced at you and grinned. He did that a lot, gave you open mouthed half-smiles instead of responding, as if he knew it made your heart tighten faithfully, breeding a fluttering kaleidoscope of butterflies in your stomach.

"What class do you have first?" you asked, when you realized you weren't getting a response.

"Pre-calc, I think. I memorized my schedule when I came here for the school tour."

"Oh, so you're smart."

He laughed. He had a throaty sort of laugh, like the warmth of a misty swamp. But soft. And quiet, like he was afraid to be too loud. "I don't think I'm that smart. I just try, and somehow I get there."

You could hardly breathe, with all the wonder and anticipating swirling in your mind. Oh, he knows. He knows how breathtaking he is. He knows, but does he know how much more he deserves?

______

To no one's surprise, he adjusted quickly to school life. He was white, tall, and pretty. Who wouldn't be obsessed with him?

You didn't see him all day. Instead, it was at lunch when your friend, Maya, talked of a cute boy that she'd spotted in her English class. Blond, rosy-cheeked, and-

Blood rushed to your cheeks, and you were nearly shaking as you turned to face your friend. "Maya," you said slowly. "Remember during the summer, when I told you there was this boy I met at the field near my house? Well, that's him. And... I think I already like him."

Except you didn't say that, because you were sat frozen and embarrassingly flustered at the mere topic of conversation. You forced yourself to take a bite of pizza as you tried to reign your thoughts. Maya's attention was focused on one of your other friends. Your friend was so, so pretty. Perfect heart shaped face, black curls with caramel highlights. She was in his league. You didn't deserve to go anywhere near it.

It wasn't that you didn't think you were attractive. You did, posing in your bathroom mirror at night and dancing around your room blasting pop music. It didn't help that makeup had so much to do with it, elevating your non-existent lashes and clearing up all the blemishes you'd spotted. Plus, there was that weight in your face you could never get rid of. Not enough to classify you as clinically overweight, but enough to hate the person that you saw in the mirror.

So yes, your heart dropped when Maya mentioned him. And you didn't know what to say, so you said nothing at all.

You spotted him later, at a picnic table in the courtyard surrounded by people. Popular, attractive boys like him, but as you looked over your shoulder, more on the nerdy and awkward side. No girls at the current moment, but you were sure you'd see some around in the future. Some of your friends had had past flings with those guys. You smiled to yourself. It was funny how easily he fit in.

No number, you thought as you walked away. You didn't have his number in your phone, was too afraid to ask for it. You weren't sure much you wanted it, anyways. You didn't want to text someone who didn't like you anyways, someone who had the entire world at his disposal and knew how to use it.

The tightening feeling in your chest. You thought long and hard about it as you walked home, very aware of how much alone you were. Glad you knew the path on the backroads so no one could see you getting teary-eyed. Convincing yourself that your walk to school was just a one time thing, made of enthusiasm you could never keep consistent and a thin string already starting to fray. (Neighbors? Neighbors meant nothing. You had another neighbor your age, junior boy and living even closer to you. Saw him walking to school at least once a week, never talked to him in your life).

Knowing that despite it all, you would never be able to get the possibility out of your mind. The feeling that despite all your attempts to fray the string before you started to care, it was too late. You'd developed a mind-altering, overwhelming, crush, and you'd never be able to get him out of your head.

And you absolutely fucking hated it.