AfterLife

EPILOGUE

As the cool breeze touched the warmth of my face beaded with tears from the recurring, excruciating thoughts reaping my sanity, I snapped to reality. There he is. The one who can lift me from the crashing waves of misery. As I walked towards him, brimming with agony, throbbing pain, and suffering, I cried. "Didn't I tell you to call me if you had an episode too, Andrei?" And I cried even harder.

We never had those moments. We never had public dates, lunch with our families, a magical beach proposal, and a dreamy wedding because WE COULDN'T. Our love for each other, no matter how strong it is, will never be accepted. Our love is deemed as something that shouldn't exist - something that is not right... something that should be kept, that it hurts so much not being able to tell and show the world how much we love each other. That it kills me to be ridiculed, and called "Bakla!" [Homosexual], "Mga anak ng demonyo!" [demonic children] , "Mga salot!" [Plagues!], and a disgrace in our family.

Even if our connection and love are strong enough that we manage to break free from the chains of insults people have thrown at us for a short period, their words are forever tainted in our hearts and souls. They slowly reap our sanity. They slowly devour every bit of cells we have. They slowly murder us... and Andrei fell to the abyss of eternal rest. He is one of the victims. My love is one among the thousands of LGBTQ members who committed suicide.

As the last tear drop reached my cheeks, I gathered all my remaining ounces of strength to stand and bid my goodbye to Chase.

"I'll promise to visit again tomorrow, my love.", I spoke with my heart aching from the thought of leaving him alone again.

If only I were courageous enough to fight for our love, if only I were strong enough to defy my family, if only I listened to you to move out of this hellish society, maybe you're still here with me - alive and laughing as we imagine our fantasies of having public dates, lunch with our families, a magical beach proposal, and a dreamy wedding.

Our love was supposed to be forever. But the moment I decided to be brave was the second you chose to be gone. It pains me that you didn't even wait for my presence, but I hope that this time, you'll be there, waiting for me in the afterlife, even if it takes years, decades, or even centuries.

I promise I won't do the same thing you did because I don't want you to feel any guilt and hardships wherever you are right now. I want you to feel the peace of being free from the nightmares of torture. I can't promise to be happy, however, now that you're gone, my love. But I'll keep chasing it - I'll chase every reason to be happy, even if you're not the cause anymore. Rest now, my Andrei.

"We'll keep chasing the moon, the stars, and the sun, together as one, even if we are in different worlds until our love will die."