stupid artworks

where ive been

hey yall. you might be wonderin where ive been, idk if yall missed me or not but who cares, im gonna talk anyways, being open and honest

tw this is a full page vent, if you dont care then skip, and gday :]

first off, i just wanna apologize for being long ass gone, its a bad habbit ive been having with every social media in existance, started with instagram, i just grew uncomfy and i start to feel alot of pressure for some reason and run away and jump start to another social media, i have a pretty long history of doing that,  ofc its not only that, theres a lot, i mean a LOT of reasons on why im more offline from wattpad and disco, this place is honestly the greatest and most amazing place ive ever been, hell i made 99% of my best friends here, and a lot of you are really supportive and amazing, i love it here, but i dont know, day by day i started to loose who i am as a person, i dont know how to hold convos anymore, im not what im used to, remember when i used to throw and mish mash insults and offensive jokes to peeps for fun here? now im afraid to even do that, idk if its good or bad i just feel like, if i slip up once and made a person upset, i would go nuts to bust panic and stuff, i dont know why i grew more sensitive, like now i dont or cant even do anything even slightly bad or else i would upset someone.

 i became more sad and, for the lack of a better word, depressed. i want to vent to someone, i just want someone who i can be honest to, i want to cry on someones shoulder, i keep having these episodic mental breakdowns and random burst of sadness, i really need someone in my life, but i dont want anyone to deal with my bullshit, i rarely vent to my friends, because i dont want them to get tired with my daily venting and stuff, because i know someone will eventually get tired of my vents and leave me so i just run away from everyone most of the time and kept things piling on to myself, i dont want anyone to be disgusted or wierded out by my feelings and thoughts, because they can and will leave me if they want to or gets sick of me, and i dont want that, thats why i rarely talk to people, i dont want them to hear my feelins, i dont wanna upset them. i left most of the peeps i love because i just want to be with them for the good times, who wants to spend most of their times with their friends just for vents?  idk i just dont know anymore

and even worse, for some reason, my mental health got worse when i left wp, i used wp and disco in my days where i do online classes so i have a LOT of freetime to make stories and chat with my friends, so ill just admit it, i spent too much time on social media, and after i changed schools, everything honestly flips upside down, i am NOT prepared to be going to school irl after 3 years of isolation from kids my age, i lost my ability to make friends, im awkward, and holy shit im not prepared to face everything, resulting in myself getting bullied by my classmates, ive been more quite and straight up lash out to people who bothers me, it was point blank the most scariest thing i have to do to get them to stop, i dont wanna fight anyone but ive been fighting them because i dont know how to deal with bullies, idk how to deal with people, i just dont know, and when i fight back more people bullies me, its honestly stressing for me and it affects my constant mood swings, i dont know why being outside of social media makes my mental health worse when it shouldn't, this new school is supposed to be a new chapter in my life, but now i ruined it, and with that, i retract back to being clinically online. its the only thing that brings me comfort.