A pretty moon

Tanjiro: The past

Dear diary,

It has been nearly two years from that fateful day, when Kibutsuji Muzan, the evil demon who killed my family and destroyed the way of life I took for granted, closed his eyes forever. I've long abandoned my sword and took up the hatchet instead, chopping down trees for firewood, mining for coal even after it has been replaced with the more efficient and clean steam power. It is the only way of living for us- Me, Zenitsu, Nezuko, and Inosuke.

We now live under the same roof- after the funeral rites for all the slayers who died valiantly on the battlefield, we returned to my family home and replenished it for further living. While it may not be as hectic as life as a demon slayer, and while we may not earn much from our charcoal, I am much happier now!

Its really refreshing, seeing Nezuko under the sun after two whole years ever since she turned into a demon. I've missed having her by my side and laughing with me as we'd both fetch water from the stream or pluck vegetables from our small farm. 

Inosuke's as energetic as ever: he'd often follow Nezuko as a bodyguard, and they would often play together as well. It was as though they were mother and child- it was very cute to see.

Zenitsu's not as pitiful or whiny as before. While he does occasionally yell out in frustration over small things, or even cry at small disturbances, he's matured incredibly in terms of mentality. I think it was because Nezuko had recently accepted his proposal to her. He's more confident having her by his side- he's probably making sure that Nezuko has a presentable man by her side, and she does not regret accepting his proposal.

As for me, I'm as happy as I can be! Though my left arm is completely incapacitated and I'm blind from my right eye, I'm perfectly able to do daily chores and I have the right exercise.

Tomioka-san and Sanemi-san are keeping in touch with me regularly (Sanemi-san has learnt how to read and write to an extent that he can communicate in writing effectively). From their regular reports, I can see that they are doing very well- their moods have improved exponentially, and they are much more cheerful.

Somehow, I feel that they are not too far from this place. Somehow, I can still feel their lingering presence. Every time I look at a bento box, I feel Rengoku-san's loving gaze behind me. Every time a cat meows, I can hear Mitsuri-san's soft laugh as she gushes on about her many pets, and Obanai-san's eyes glaring daggers at me. Every time a butterfly brushes my fingers, I feel Shinobu-san's fingertips on my own. Muichiro-san's essence lingers in the mist during the dawn. Everywhere I go, they are watching me from their high abode in the heavens, and it's especially comforting to know that they are truly not gone.

However, I have a feeling that somehow, I've failed them. Though I was the one who decapitated Akaza in the infinity fortress, he had not died. Had I killed him, maybe Tomioka-san would not have had to step in for me. And that day, when I became a demon. Though I wasn't conscious then, I knew how much pain I caused Zenitsu and Inosuke as they saw their normally sane friend turn into a vile creature. And I dared to harm Nezuko as well! Maybe, if I had done things differently, maybe if I had been stronger, maybe if I had practised fighting more, I could have killed Akaza the first time I met him- Rengoku-san wouldn't be dead. Maybe if I had not delayed, Kanao would probably have two eyes instead of one. Mitsuri-san and Obanai-san were so in love, anyone who said otherwise would have been blind. Had I been fast enough with my own duel, I could have seen their blissful marriage today!

The past is like a labyrinth of traps. The more you delve into it, the harder it is to get back out of the spirals and spirals of regrets you may have had. The only wise thing to do is to take these memories to yourself and use it as a stepping stone to become a better version of yourself. And maybe, hopefully, it will not stop hurting. But will it ever stop hurting? Everyday, I look far out at the horizon, waiting hopefully for all the Hashira to suddenly show up like the past was all a joke. It hurts everyday, thinking about all possible outcomes I could have done to save them. 

Though I may find myself regularly living out my life as it was before I got myself tangled into the demon mess, will I really, truly, be able to find peace in a world that has changed so much?

Your good friend,

Tanjiro.