Gwendoline Christie MH and Smut One-Shots <3

Something To Rely On ~ L.W

Warnings- Self harm, anxiety, panic attack, swearing (not a lot), physical touch, kissing.
Again, y/n isn't a student she's just at Nevermore to be with Larissa. Y/n is over 18.

Y/n's pov
I wake up to see my gorgeous girlfriend laying next to me in bed, still fast asleep. I sigh as I already know how this day is going to go; the same as always. Getting up as quietly as possible to not wake Larissa, I glance out the window of our bedroom to see an overcast sky, once again. I sit down at the vanity table and pull up my sleeves to see the damage done the night before. Larissa had already gone to bed, I felt like shit and didn't want to wake her. I'm sick of living in a constant loop of misery and pain, the only thing in my life that makes me happy being Larissa. She's my reason for living. She deserves so much better than me though. I gently trace the scabbing cuts littered across both my arms, the tears in my eyes threatening to fall.

The sound of the floor creaking behind me tells me that Larissa is awake and so I quickly pull down my sleeves before she saw my arms; she doesn't know anything about what I do to myself as I always wear long sleeves. A gentle kiss being placed on my forehead pulls me out of my thoughts. I look up to her with a slight smile on my face and she brings a hand up to my face as she kisses me passionately. I reciprocate her actions and kiss her back only pulling away when air was desperately needed. "Good morning my love" she said in her husky morning voice. "Good morning gorgeous" I replied blushing at her voice. "What were you looking at just then?" She questioned. "Oh uhm.. just my nails. I was thinking of painting them today but I'm not sure" I replied innocently hoping i didn't sound too panicked. "Oh alright beautiful" she replied and planted a kiss on my head. I smile at her as she walked away to get ready. My face dropped as she walked away and the slight bit of happiness I felt left my body. I hold one of my hands in the other tightly as those thoughts filled my mind.

*Time skip to later in the day*
I wake up to my face feeling tight, my pillow damp and a dreadful feeling in the pit of my stomach; it took me a second to think, but i soon remembered i was crying due to feeling anxious. Looking over at the clock I realised it was nearly the end of the day, meaning I had slept nearly all day. I felt more and more anxious by the second, like it was feeding on the oxygen I was taking in. I get up to splash some cold water on my face hoping it would make me more aware of anything but my anxiety, but it didn't. My breathing was becoming uneven and my hands felt clammy. I backed towards a wall in the bathroom and slid down it soon finding the floor and curling up into a ball. I felt dizzy and I couldn't focus on one thing at once. There was two things I could think of that would make me feel better: Larissa, but that would mean worrying her and cutting, which seemed like the better option.

I stood up carefully, not wanting to fall down or walk into anything, and made my way to my bedside table which held all my blades. I took one out and balanced it on my knee, staring at it for a good five minutes before moving again. Not taking my eyes off off of it, I lifted my sleeves up and nimbly picked up the blade in my left hand and started dragging it across my skin. I don't always do it on my right arm so there was more places to cut. After filling my arm I took the blade in my other hand and started slicing my left arm. Tears continued to run freely down my face dropping onto my arms and mixing with the blood pouring out of my cuts. 'Shit' I thought to myself 'they don't usually bleed this much'. I didn't even bother to move. I just allowed myself to drown in the pain I had just inflicted on myself, letting the burning sensation take over me. The tears stopped flowing. I decided to just stare into the abyss until the abyss stared back. I was suddenly ripped out of my trance when the sound of a gasp passed my ears.

Larissa's pov
It was finally the end of the school day and so I got up from my desk and headed towards the door that separated my office from mine and my girlfriends room. I couldn't wait to see her. I don't know what she's been doing all day as she hasn't been in to see me like she usually would. I hope she's okay. I've noticed she has been quite distant lately, always seeming distracted. I left my laptop and my notebook in my office as I wanted my full attention on y/n. With only my phone in hand I approached the door and softly turned the handle incase y/n was asleep. She wasn't. I was met with my girlfriend sitting on the floor in a small pool of blood, many cuts littered along both of her arms and a blade in her hand. She was just starting at the wall in front of her. All I could do was gasp, maybe a little to harshly as y/n looked over at me.

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't move. No matter how much I wanted to pick my girlfriend up and hug her and tell her she's going to be okay, my body was frozen. My legs suddenly felt like jelly after seeing my girlfriend, my love, my world like this. I forced myself over to the bed and got down on my knees to face my woman (iykyk). I went to grab her hands but then remembered the blade. I pried it out of her hand and got up to flush it down the toilet as quick as I could. Turning back to y/n I saw her trying to get up but failing to do so; I rushed over to her and picked her up bridal style, not caring of I got blood on me. Sitting down on the bed I embraced her more trying my best to not let my tears fall. I wondered why she would ever do something like that to herself.  Skimming my eyes over her arms, I made out lots of scars on both arms and some old wounds on her left arm that had not yet healed, hiding under the fresh blood.

"I'm sorry Larissa" she whispered to me. "No no don't be sorry love. Don't be sorry okay?" I said back and she nodded her head into me. I wanted to hold her in my arms like that for eternity but I was very aware of the fact she was still bleeding, so I put the affection on hold. I swiftly stood up, still holding y/n, and carried her into the bathroom where I placed her on the counter so I could grab the First Aid box; I am trained in First Aid but I never thought I'd have to do anything like this, especially not on my own girlfriend. Grabbing the alcohol wipes I looked up to y/n with an apologetic look, as I knew this was going to sting like a fucking bitch. She nodded back reassuringly so I took that as my signal to get this over and done with. I opened the wipe and cleaned her arms making sure I got all of the blood off of her. Little whimpers escaped her mouth as the alcohol seeped into her wounds. "Im sorry my love but i have to clean them" i said softly. "Its okay Larissa" she replied with a sad smile on her face. They were all seemingly deep cuts but none of them needed stitches which I was thankful for. I took one last look at her arms making sure I got all of the blood off before wrapping them in gauze and bandages.

Looking up at y/n, I noticed a stray tear rolling down her cheek, and so I wiped it off. "I have more blades in my bedside table. They're in the top draw. Please get rid of them for me". "Of course, thank you for telling me hon". With that I went to retrieve the blades from where my girlfriend said they'd be. I quickly found them all and returned to flush them down the toilet. I turned to see more tears falling down y/n's face, and so I picked her up. She wrapped her arms around my neck gently as I carried her into our room. We both laid down on the bed as my arms enveloped her. "Do you want to talk about it darling? You don't have to straight away but I'd like to know how I can help you when you feel like doing this" I said. "I'm just tired of everything Larissa. Everyday is the same and the only thing that makes me happy is you. But my head ruins it for me when it tells me you deserve better then me, which I do agree with honestly. But I don't want to leave you as I love you too much. And before, I was having a panic attack and the only other thing I could think of that would make me feel better, other than you, was cutting. For me, its just something to rely on" she said sincerely. My blood went cold. Was it because of me?

"It wasn't because of me was it darling?" "No no no. It definitely wasn't because of you and I didn't start because of you either I promise. I've been doing if for years". "Okay my love I trust you don't worry. Please, please though y/n come to me the next time you feel like that. I can't stand the thought of you hurting yourself again" I said, tears beginning to pool in my eyes. "I promise. Thank you so much my love. I love you endlessly Larissa". "Its okay darling you don't have to thank me. I love you always and forever y/n"

(A/N) Hope you enjoyed this one! Please lmk if you'd like more/less SH ones. And give me ideas so I can write what you'd all like to read :)
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