Spiral

Chapter TWENTY

Kian

My life feels like a downward spiral.   

I've felt this way for a long time, off and on. But over the past year, everything has been worse. Just barely surviving, working four jobs, no real friends or family. It's taken a toll on me. For short periods of time, I've felt okay. That night that I got called to work for Frank, and he said it would be setting up and cleaning up from a party, at his best friends' house, I was feeling good. I got into my truck and drove from Long Beach to Santa Monica, helped load the big truck with chairs and tables and then drove to Malibu, where the party was. After the initial set up, I was "free" until the party was over, when I'd need to do clean up and re-load the truck. I'd done this all before.

But that evening, I went upstairs in that mansion and I went out onto that balcony, to have a smoke. I shouldn't have been up there. Frank would have tore me a new one if he knew I'd gone up there. But there she was. The beautiful, snarky, birthday girl. I mean, I didn't know her or that it was her birthday. She was hiding out there from her own party. I didn't know anything about her when I took her for a drive in my truck, either. That was the best night of my life.

But in just a few weeks, I've managed to really screw things up.

Driving to Santa Monica now, I feel numb. I drove, half drunk, to see Seph last night, and it still doesn't feel real that I had sex with her and fell asleep with her in my arms. I didn't want to sneak out her balcony but I didn't have a choice. I don't have a choice now, either. I have to go talk to Frank.

He's outside in his driveway, standing with his arms crossed, when I pull up and shut off my truck. Has he been waiting there for twenty minutes? I wouldn't put it past him. I  see Beth's car as I push open the door and hop out. Slowly, I make my way up the sidewalk and stop when I'm a few feet in front of him.

"What were you thinking?" Frank asks me right away. Then he looks down at my feet. "Where are your shoes?"

He seems to be all over the place, emotion wise. He's not exactly angry but he's not happy to see me, either. I only ever see him with a frown - in a long time - and this is no exception.

"What was I... what do you mean?" I ask back.

I don't want to give anything away and I don't know what he knows. He could be talking about what I did with my brother or where I was last night. Both are bad.

"Seriously, Kian, the last thing I need right now is for you to play dumb. Why did you go back to Riverside last weekend?" Frank is standing tall but is starting to break. I can tell.

"I just had to go see Zeek," I say, plainly. I still can't tell whether he knows what I did or not.

"Kian, you kidnapped him. You took him for two days and you didn't talk to your mom and-" Suddenly Frank is unhinged. His nostrils flare and he looks worried. "You had him in a basement in Long Beach."

"I would have kept him forever," I say, trying to sound confident. But then, suddenly, it hits me.

Frank knew I had Zeek with me? How did he know? Did Frank have something to do with-

"How did you know I took him?" I ask, quickly. My mind is racing. Nothing makes sense.

Frank sighs dramatically. "When they brought him back to your mom's house, she called me."

"Okay, but..." I let my voice trail off. "How did they find us?"

Frank looks away and then kicks at some rocks on the driveway. He's a grown ass man and he can't look me in the eye and tell me the truth.  "Kian-"

"Frank. How did they find us?"  Somehow, I just know that he knows.

"I was able to track your phone." He doesn't say this proudly. He seems a bit unsure, actually.

"So, you sent the cops to Fiona's and you... you..."

Now I'm the one who's unhinged. I want to punch him in the face. I have to squeeze my hands together and step back and take a deep breath, so I don't.

"I know you care about Zeek, Kian. But he's not yours to take."

Frank's words are like a knife to the stomach.

"Her boyfriend attacked him. He had bruises on his face and neck. He's not safe there," I say quickly.

Frank takes this in and swallows hard before answering. It's very obvious he didn't know this. "I'll go and check in. I'll see how he is-"

"That won't help.  Mike won't be there or he won't show you his true colors. Zeek needs to be out of that house," I say, seriously.

"Do you have money and resources to go to court? It's a long process to get custody and even then you have to pay lawyers and-" Frank stops when he sees the look on my face. "I'm sorry, kid. You don't have your own place. They'd never let him live with you."

He's right, obviously. And what I'm about to say next is a long shot, but I have to ask.

"Why can't he stay here?"

Frank wasn't expecting that question, and it's obvious. It's all over his face. He let me stay with him for awhile, so why not Zeek? But Frank is shaking his head before the words even finish coming out of my mouth.

"It's not that simple, and I don't have the time to take care of a kid. He's got to be in school soon and..."

I push down my anger and step back again. "Fine. It's on you if Mike hurts him even worse next time."

"That's not fair, Kian. I said I'll go check in."

"Great." I roll my eyes and turn around, heading back to my truck.

Surprisingly, Frank doesn't follow me. He must know I'm angry and I need space.

God, am I angry.

Frank is the only family I have that is a relatively good person. He words hard. He knows a lot of people. He could take care of Zeek, at least until I'm able to. But he won't even try to help. Fuck him.

I drive off down the street and tears are pouring down my face. I haven't heard from Fiona but I know for a fact I am not welcome back to her house. I messed up by keeping Zeek there. It screwed things up for Fiona and that's not fair. I wasn't thinking straight when I took him from my mom's house.

I know I need to somehow talk to my mom. It's been months and I know she is ignoring me for a reason. But it's too fresh, what I did. That would not go over well.

My stomach growls as I'm driving nowhere, so I drive to a fast food drive thru. After I order a breakfast sandwich and I'm waiting at the window, I can't stop thinking about Seph. That night that I picked her up and we went out for a drive and I ended up in a similar drive thru. That night she told me her secrets and I got to hug her for the first time. It was an amazing night. I miss her already, which is crazy. I've only been away from her for seven hours. But last night, when she brought me up into her bedroom and looked at me like she wanted to fix me - it was everything.

I pull into a parking spot and eat my sandwich quickly. My conscious tells me as I ball up the wrapper and toss it into the passenger seat that I shouldn't text her. But I want to. I need to. Being with Seph is the only thing that has brought any happiness to my life in months. When I had Zeek with me, I wanted to feel happy. I wanted to believe we'd be okay. But still a part of me knew it wouldn't work out. I mean, I did kidnap him. So of course there's a part of me that thinks it won't work out with Seph, either.

I stare at my phone for what feels like forever. It's only a bit after 9A.M. It's Thursday, and I don't know enough about Seph to know what she has going on today. But I know I need to talk to her.

My fingers fly across the letters on my phone and  before I can stop myself, I hit send.

    Hey. Good morning. I'm sorry I left how I did. I didn't want you to get in trouble. I want to explain. Call me when you get a chance.