Finding You

41. Not Again!

S H A Y N A

I have been hiding out in the mountain area of Colorado for the past few weeks and I am bored out of my mind. I cannot get in contact with anyone I know, and this is driving me crazy. The only person I was able to get in contact with is my uncle and that was only after I bought a burner phone. Here I am still berating myself for the letter I left Ryan. Stupid...Stupid... Stupid! Why did I have to confess my feelings for him? Because you love him. Oh, shut up brain and heart! I am definitely off my rockers arguing with myself.

I remember my uncle telling me not to contact him again and that he would know where to find me. Unless he is a fucking clairvoyant, I highly doubt that, but then again, I can't put anything past my uncle.

"I can't take this anymore!" I say to no one at all, like literally. I set out of the cabin and head toward the stables at least I have horses here to keep me company. I walk up to my favorite one he is a beaut with his white shiny coat and black mane. The eyes of this one reminds me of my own Beast. I shake my head of those thoughts. He's not mine. I almost called this particular horse beast, but that would be weird on so many levels. Yeah, I am losing my fucking mind, although Ryan is hung like a horse.

Oh, for fuck's sake get a grip on yourself girl!

"Hey Nugget." I stroke his mane and smile. "You up for going for a ride." Nugget nods his head, and some people say these animals are dumb, but I think sometimes they are smarter than us humans. I get him prepped with the saddle and climb up. "Come on buddy lets go."

When he takes off, I close my eyes for just a moment to enjoy the wind blowing through my hair. For a moment I feel free, free of the fear that is gnawing away at me not knowing what is going on. "Faster Nugget" I tap his side with my foot, and he takes off faster and for the first time I had to leave without saying goodbye I have a smile on my face. We race around the perimeter of the property which is over seventy-five acres. Halfway through we stop at the creek so he can get a drink and rest for a while. Even though this has felt great I am still on edge, I have never felt like this on any assignment before.

Sure, my nerves would get to me, but this is completely different. Because this time I do not know the face of the enemy. The only one I do know is Tony and a shudder runs through me, but I know how to handle that asshole. I shake those unwanted thoughts from me and climb back on Nugget and we take off again. Once we get back to the stables, I safely put Nugget in his stall and walk back to the cabin.

I look in the mirror as I wash my hands and grimace. "Okay it is time to look myself again." I grab the box of dye and get it ready. I have already tried it once and my hair is now half brown and black. I decided to keep the black underneath and change it up a little bit. A new me for a new life for the time being.

I wonder how Ryan would react. I remember when he saw it for the first time, his eyes wouldn't leave mine. "Stop it!" I need to stop thinking about him. I let him go.

But you can't because you love me.

I close my eyes and I can see him lowering his head and whispering in my ear. A shiver runs down my spine just thinking about it. My eyes snap open and I shake my head as I start to put the dye in my hair.

"You let him go." I chastise myself for the umpteenth time for thinking about him. Once I am done, I need to kill time and be distracted, so I turn on some music. Dance with me Aunt Shay. I turn around and I swear I heard Adam's voice. I miss that little guy so damn much, just like...nope not going to go there again.

The time goes off and it makes me jump. "Oh, thank God." I rush to the bathroom to wash this crap out of my hair. I enjoy the hot steam that runs down my body and watch the color go down the drain. Just like my life right now, going down the fucking drain. I wish I was there to take down these assholes but if I am being true to myself, I couldn't hack this assignment no matter how many times I told myself I could. I just feel like a damn coward for leaving but knowing Ryan he would have hogtied me and threw me in the car and had it drive away. Always gotta play the damn hero.

I step out of the shower and get dressed as I look at the new me. If only my heart could be new too then I would feel this pain so damn much. I walk out of the bathroom and stop in my tracks because the window at the end of the hall is open, and wind is blowing the curtain. I know I did not leave that opened.

"Mi amor"

Chills run down my body as I slowly turn around. "Oh, you got to be fucking kidding me." He chuckles as he takes a slow tentative step towards me.

"I told you I would find you."

You sure did you fucking psycho!

I walk backwards, if I can get to the end of the hall the table there has a gun underneath, I can get to.

"Are you looking for this Shayna?" All color drains from my face as soon as he says my name and waves the gun in his hand. He laughs at my expression as he tilts his head. "Oh, you didn't think I knew who you were." He tsks as he moves closer to me, but I can't move I am frozen to the spot. "Aw mi amor, I have known for some time now. But that doesn't matter, you are meant to be my Queen." I shake my head.

"Over my dead body asshole!" I will fight to the death, because there is no way I am going with him.

"I can protect you from Montes he is the one who wants you dead, and your little boy toy."

"No!" My voice sounds stronger than I feel at this moment.

"Well, you have no choice in the matter."

With that he lunges towards me and dive out of his way. I run towards the living room and slide down to under the couch to grab the gun under there. Unfortunately, I do not get there in time as I feel a hand around my ankle dragging me away. I kick at him with my other foot and land on his stomach which makes him stumble back.

I get up and know that I will have to fight him to get away from him. So, I rush towards him and land a punch to his jaw. As soon as I do though he back hands me and has me stumbling back.

"You will know your place mi amor."

"Like hell I will!" I jump up again and sweep my leg to knock him on his back. "I'm nobody's bitch." I go stomp on his stomach and he starts laughing hysterically. I should have just stomped on him, but he took the opportunity to knock me down from my hesitation.

"Yeah, not even your boy toy's anymore because he has already moved on." My heart sinks at that when he pulls out his phone and shows me a picture that has me stumbling back. It's a picture of him and some woman kissing passionately it looks like. "You were nothing to him amor, but you would be my whole world." Then I feel a prick to my neck and stare up him in disbelief.

Ah fuck not again!