Mdzs Oneshots

kisses and tears (Until I found you END)

Eventually, the years slipped away, with them meeting up every day. Sometimes A-Yuan joined, too, when he was old enough. Though he never remembered the dreams. But Wangji did. He held onto them like a crazed man to his sanity. Something to grasp onto when he hit rock bottom, when he lost a reason to carry on. But it wasn't easy, either. Hearing his voice at night, having him next to him, with him during the night. He savoured those stolen moments, no matter how small they were, because it meant they were together. It felt like chasing a life he'd lost out on when he was with him. Like real life ceased to exist, with nothing except him and Wei Ying. And A-Yuan, of course. And he wouldn't trade it for the world, either. (Unless he could argue with the gods or the author to drag his brother along, too. )

But at the same time, it was torturous waking up next to an empty pillow. Hated the way his fingers stretched towards the left, palm wide as if waiting for a hand. One that would never come, not in the real world. But that didn't mean he didn't give up trying. Every forbidden book in the pavilion, every spell...he ran through them just the same, gilt eyes running through them feverishly, seeking an answer that would never be found.

Or would it?

"Wei Ying, do you think you'll ever be able to come back?"

A question that had been asked over and over again, with no true answer. Wei Ying smiled wistfully, eyes drifting towards the Jade. I'm not sure, he mouthed. I'd love it if that were possible, but it's been so long. The deities still won't let me go back, though. I was supposed to reincarnate a long time ago.

What he didn't tell Wangji, of course, was the fact that as long as he still had ties to the mortal world, the deities would never let him pass. Wangji would raise heaven and move hell for him, and they knew it. They took no risks in that.

(Unless they wanted a ruined pavilion, like the last time they'd angered Wangji. Madam Lan stirred up a hornet's nest for her son. Not that Wei Wuxian would ever tell Wangji, but he secretly admired Madam Lan for her courage, her audacity. Like her son, she brooked no arguments, with a steady and level-headed mind. Sometimes Wei Ying wondered where Master Lan was, but he knew better than to ask questions. The broken look in her uncanny lilac eyes spoke volumes of their own.

And would you believe that the deities tried preventing Wei Wuxian from seeing his parents? They tried to see him constantly, but we're just as frequently bombarded by the prestigious Board of Deities. Board of Dickheads was what Madam Lan called them, not that they'd ever hear her. Thank god for that. They still tried to prevent Wei Ying from meeting his sister but the normally calm and serene Jiang Yanli would have snapped the necks of anyone who tried to do so, with Jin Zixuan's support. (Note from the author: I have nothing against deities, and have no will to insult them- the deities in this story are imaginary...they do not exist and are not aimed against religion- I have no problem with religion.)

Oh, and Wei Wuxian was starting to find his brother-in-law's company more and more welcoming. (Not that he'd have ever told him that to his face-) He was learning from Yanli, and was warmer, somehow.

Lan Zhan glanced away, before finally responding. "We'll find a way. There'll always be a way, somehow."

At that, Wei Wuxian could only turn up the corners of his lips. It'd been thirteen years, after all. And there was a way, but it was darker than he liked, than either of them liked. To sacrifice oneself to bring back another spirit...had been rare but not unheard of. The words danced on his lips, but he couldn't get them past his throat. Don't do it, he thought. Don't.

But at the back of his mind, another question lay in the dark, unspoken and unheard. Just how far would he go for you? The question unsettled him in ways he couldn't quite explain. There was no way to put into words how he felt, and how far he would go but the darker, deeper question he could think of was: How far would I go for him?