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Warnings- Alcohol consumption, insecurities, self loathing, injury and mentions of blood
Spoiler Warnings- Marineford (Mention of character death) and minor Dressrosa spoilers.
"Y/N you need to pick something to wear soon, we don't have much time before the banquet starts." You turn your head over to Koala, who has been scolding you for the past half hour.
"I don't think I'll go. I'm not feeling well." Your lie was not far from the truth. You felt fine physically, but mentally not so much.
"I'm not buying that crap Y/N. You are a part of the revolutionary army, you can't just skip this" Koala walked over to your closet and started rummaging through it. "You're going if I have to drag you. Not even Sabo is fighting me about going. And you know how stubborn he is."
Your ears perk up hearing his name. Sabo is the reason you don't want to go in the first place. Not that its his fault, it's your own stupid crush on him that's holding you back. You know if you go, you'll end up romanticizing something that won't happen-ultimately breaking your own heart. Silly as it may sound, you're just protecting yourself.
"Hellloooo, earth to Y/N." Your attention pans back to Koala who had one of your dresses held up to her small frame. "I think this one is it. It's cute, but very professional." You look at how gigantic the dress looks compared to her. The sight made you sick to your stomach.
"It doesn't matter because I'm not going." You grab the blanket on your bed and throw it over yourself. Hopefully she got the message this time.
"Fine. I'm laying this dress out in case you change your mind." You hear her shuffle before your doors slam shut, leaving you in the silence of your room.
It's been about 20 minutes since Koala left and all you've done is stare mindlessly at the ceiling. Occasionally you would think of Sabo. "I wonder what he is wearing tonight?" " "I bet he is wearing his fancy cologne that smells like cedar and musk."
"Dammit Y/N, quit thinking about him for one second." You smack your hands against your cheeks as you scold yourself. No matter how desperately you try, the chief of staff has made a home in your head and heart with no plans of leaving.
You want to confess, you want to pour your heart out to him. But you are all too familiar with the outcome. You think of all the times as a little girl, where you'd confess to a boy only to be laughed at or how you were treated weird for liking someone. The dehumanizing experience of being an overweight girl.
Even after all the heartbreaks and unrequited love you experienced in your life, you still have an annoying small glimmer of hope. No matter how many times you tell yourself he would not want you, and no matter how many times you remind yourself you're not good enough for him- you still have a chance. Sometimes it felt like putting out a fire with gasoline. Maybe you should just tell him how you feel. The sooner your heart is broken, the quicker you can start healing it.
